Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category

Giant attitude.

April 18, 2015

And of course two weeks into the season didn’t we all have the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ace being ‪#‎ChrisHeston‬?

Is it too soon to nominate ‪#‎ChrisHeston‬ as NL Rookie of the Year? ‪#‎SFGiants‬

The SF Giants have placed pitcher Jake Peavy on the DL for a back strain. Wonder if Peavy strained it by turning around so often to watch where balls hit off him were going.

 

Last night Pablo Sandoval “barreled” (ESPN’s word) into Baltimore 2B Jonathan Schoop trying to break up a double play. Today the O’s put Schoop on the DL with a partially torn PCL and, sprained MCL.

Panda isn’t making himself too popular with any fans wearing Orange and Black.

Pete Rose has been hired as a guest studio analyst for Fox. No word on how much the network is paying him. Or on how much Rose made for betting someone would offer him a baseball-oriented job.

As if we needed proof that in some parts of the US, the state bird is the football: Ohio State drew over 99,000 fans today. For a Spring intra-squad scrimmage game.

Many celebrities today at various Earth Day rallies. Wonder how many arrived on private planes?

Carly Fiorina is the latest “maybe” entrant in the 2016 race. “I will probably be running for president in a few short weeks.” All these indecisive people…. are they waiting to see if they can hire as a campaign manager Brett Favre?

 

Fiorina also says that if she gets in the race, she can block  Hillary Clinton from playing the “gender card.”  Alas, with her record at HP Carly can’t block Hillary from playing the “halfway competent” card.

Rand Paul today said the GOP needs to “tax cuts to help poor people.” Sort of like fighting wars for peace?

Kendall Schier, originally credited with being the woman winner of the this week’s St. Louis Marathon, was stripped of her victory because officials found she actually joined the race after the last checkpoint. And a new generation learns the name “Rosie Ruiz.”

After the Wizards’ Paul Pierce said the Raptors didn’t have “it”, the Toronto fans and media have been all over him. The Sun newspaper in fact had a picture of Pierce as Gandalf, the OLD Wizard. Did the Sun forget? Gandalf knew about getting rings.

So has ‪#‎ARod‬ really gotten his swing back? Or has he just found an undetectable PED?

Time after time.

April 18, 2015

So a new Kansas law prohibits welfare recipients for using benefits to go to movies or sporting events, get their nails done, or buy things like alcohol, cigarettes and lingerie. But they WILL be able to use the cards to buy guns. ‪#‎GodblessAmerica‬ ‪#‎priorities‬ ‪#‎whatcouldgowrong‬?

 

Are we sure that the animal Madison Bumgarner rode on Opening Day to deliver the SF Giants pennant was a horse and not a billy goat?

 

Worst thing for ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans Friday night? Having gone for post-game fireworks. And now having to stay for game to be over.

Nike has announced that they have signed Jameis Winston to a contract. Considering some of the former FSU star’s past decisions, are we sure that the slogan “Just Do It.” is the best idea?

The ‪#‎SFGiants‬ haven’t won at home since they started tearing down Candlestick Park. Time for an exorcism? Or something?

 

Mike Huckabee said today he is still unsure about running for President but will officially announce his plans May 5. When no doubt the former Arkansas Governor will say one of his best qualifications is strong decision making skills.

Now that he’s out of rehab, Johnny Manziel issued a statement saying he is working to regain trust and asking everyone to respect his privacy. Here’s a hint Johnny, just don’t start tweeting tweet any updates from Vegas.

 

In Washington, a semi-truck carrying bee hives crashed on I-5, resulting in millions of the bees swarming the highway. Guessing this makes the clean-up one of the biggest ever “honey-do” lists?

So a new Kansas law prohibits welfare recipients for using benefits to go to movies or sporting events, get their nails done, or buy things like alcohol, cigarettes and lingerie. But they WILL be able to use the cards to buy guns. ‪#‎GodblessAmerica‬ ‪#‎priorities‬ ‪#‎whatcouldgowrong‬?

 

Oops. Apparently in March, a U.S. marshal accidentally left his loaded gun in a bathroom stall on top of a toilet paper dispenser at Newark airport and boarded the flight without it. (A janitor found the weapon and turned it in to TSA.)

And you feel bad about leaving your cellphone somewhere.

That 73 year old volunteer sheriff’s deputy in Tulsa who fatally shot a man after he said he mistook his gun for his taser has apologized and said “it can happen to anyone.” Well, that ought to make us all feel safer.

Then there’s this horrible moment. A Texas veteranirian not only apparently shot and killed an orange tabby cat, someone’s pet,  with a bow and arrow, she bragged about the shooting and posted a picture on Facebook.

She has been fired, one would figure if not just for the cruelty but for the stupidity of bragging about it on social media.

If only the cat had been armed.

 

 

 

Rare hockey moment.  LA Kings’ forward Jarret Stoll was arrested Friday night in Las Vegas on suspicion of drug possession. Two thoughts. 1. How out there do you have to be to get arrested for drugs in LAS VEGAS? 2. Well, based on the Kings’ year they weren’t PEDs.

It’s about time?

April 16, 2015

Too easy but someone’s got to do it. The Apple Watch, scheduled to be in stores April 24, now won’t be there until June. Isn’t the first function of a watch to be on time?

Chris Christie Tuesday said if elected President that he would enforce federal law against states that have legalized marijuana. “I will crack down and not permit it.” Whatever happened to small government “states’ rights” conservatism?

Guessing whatever electoral map the New Jersey Governor has in his head never included California, Washington and Colorado?

A West Virginia woman is suing Walt Disney Corporation, claiming that the company somehow inserted a rubber chip in her body without her consent. Really, does she expect to convince a judge or jury that Disney does ANYTHING for free?

 

So last year United Airlines took away free alcohol on international flights in coach Now they’re announcing that as of June 1 they’re offering free beer and wine to international economy class passengers. Kind of the airline equivalent of doubling prices before a “Buy one get one free” sale.

Washington State Auditor Troy Kelley has been indicted on tax-evasion charges. You’d think if nothing else he’d have been smart enough not to get caught.

So with the Warriors having the best record in the NBA, and the Spurs having the best record over the past few weeks, Vegas has of course made the favorite to win the championship – the Cavaliers. Well, makes sense, they are the closest team to the East Coast.

Toronto-based Ashley Madison is going public but in England. Going to to be interesting to see how many people buy stock who will swear they never use the website.

Really? Rush Limbaugh and others are attacking Hillary Clinton for not tipping at Chipotle, and for not introducing herself and mingling with other customers. So a- how many of these folks tip at fast food restaurants, and b- if she HAD gone in and started talking to customers, Clinton would have been accused of disrupting normal Americans’ lunch for a photo op. ‪#‎canweactuallytalkaboutissues‬?

If she had left a $20 she’d have been criticized for trying to buy votes. #cantwin

The NBA playoffs are starting. But to put in perspective how crazily long the process is, if baseball used the same format, the World Series “Fall Classic” could end in December.

The D.A in the Aaron Hernandez case said “the fact that he was a professional athlete meant nothing in the end.”. True, but had Hernandez not been an athlete they’d have locked him up and thrown away the key a long time ago. Instead of after a months long trial with the best defense money could buy.

 

#‎BruceBochy‬ turned 60 today. As the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ and ‪#‎DBacks‬ game goes into the 12th, right about now he’s got to be feeling 70.

Some of the younger generation may find it hard to imagine travelling without cellphones. But just as hard to imagine now travelling with luggage without wheels.

Guilty guilty guilty.

April 15, 2015

“I am shocked”. Said absolutely no one. ‪#‎AaronHernandez‬.

 

 

Turns out the person who most needed an ‪#‎NFL‬ team in ‪#‎LosAngeles‬ was  Aaron Hernandez.

Aaron Hernandez actually looked surprised when he was found guilty of murder. Was he counting on talking to OJ for advice on finding the real killers

 

Now that Aaron Hernandez has been found guilty, will they try him for those other two murders? Guessing the Patriots regrettably have given up on pinning him with those under-inflated balls.

Cleveland Browns coach Mike Pettine on drafting Johnny Manziel. “We had the information that everyone else in the league had. It’s easy to look back now and say ‘What did you miss?”. And even Captain Obvious is snickering, “Really?!”

 

Actual warning on a frozen pizza “Not ready to eat. Cook before serving.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

But the winner is.  A New York man found bedbugs in his rental car. Someone apparently told him he could kill them by saturating them with alcohol. Which he did. And then sat in the car and lit a cigarette. Did kill the bugs. And the car. First and second-degree burns for him. Plus the ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ award for the week.  So far.

Kim Kardashian has an actual book coming out May 5. It’s a collection of selfies titlled “Selfish.”. Give her credit for truth in advertising.

Okay, who else saw the headline about a man arrested for landing a helicopter on the Capitol lawn and thought. “Secret service joyride?”

United Airlines is offering Mileage Plus members the chance to use their miles to attend a batting practice event with the Los Angeles Dodgers. The way the SF Giants are hitting, they might have a similar event and make it a tryout.

 

The Cleveland Browns unveiled new uniforms yesterday, with nine different jersey combinations. Team president Alec Scheiner. “We could be like Oregon of the NFL.” Like “Oregon?” Meaning almost but not quite good enough to win the BCS championship?

In Hillsborough County, Florida, near Tampa, the sheriff’s office has shut down a training school for “top earning exotic dancers and models.” after complaints of loud noise and late parties. Shame. Might have actually been classrooms where they could have gotten a lot of the state’s “student-athletes” to attend.

 

Cheryl Rios, CEO of “Go Ape Marketing” in Dallas, posted that she thought women could run business but didn’t think a woman should ever lead a country., “‘With the hormones we have, there is no way [a woman] should be able to start a war.” And said she would move to Canada if Hillary Clinton became president.
Not that Canada would take her, but at least Rios didn’t threaten to move to England. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

 

“Not with a bang but a whimper.” Was T.S. Eliot thinking about the Lakers, who are putting an exclamation point on their lost season with a loss at home to… .Sacramento?

Oldies but goodies.

April 14, 2015

The San Antonio Spurs are playing so well down the stretch, the NBA may end up classifying Ensure as a PED.

Wow. Just wow. That mother who dangled her 2 year-old over a cheetah enclosure, and then accidentally dropped him has been placed on leave from her job. Which is, or rather was – assistant director of a Columbus, Ohio “Kindercare” childcare center. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬ ‪#‎NottheOnion‬

 

Will someone please tell the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ that the sign on the ATT Park grass is not spelled Opening Weak. ‪#‎OpeningWeek‬

 

The #‎SFGiants‬ are scoring like folks at an ‪#‎AARP‬ convention with a Viagra shortage.

The Chicago Cubs are offering a new “Mac and Cheetos” hot dog For all those fans who have decided maybe it’s not worth living to wait until next year.

Considering all the injuries this year so far ‪#‎SFGiants‬ home opener could have been worse. ‪#‎Madbum‬ could have fallen off the horse.

Billy Joel, 65, and his 33 year old girlfriend are apparently expecting a baby daughter. Stand by for a change from “Uptown Girl” to “Up-all-night Girl.” “And when she wakes up And makes up her mind…..”

Some educators in Atlanta are going to prison over illegally inflating test scores for students from struggling schools.  Idiots. If only they had just done it for athletes….

Bus to hell time. Can they transfer Lawrence Phillips to the same prison as Jerry Sandusky?

Carly Fiorina said in an interview on “Morning Joe” that Hillary Clinton, while an “inspiration to women”, doesn’t have a record of “accomplishments.” I guess Carly figures she knows accomplishment. How many women have gotten their companies to pay them $20 million to leave?

 

The top Republican and Democrat on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee said they have reached a bipartisan agreement on legislation that would allow Congress to review a final nuclear deal with Iran. What? Must be a joke. This sounds too rational

 

The San Antonio Express-News reports that Joan Cheever, a chef who has been feeding the city’s homeless for the past decade, was cited last night by police with a $2,000 ticket for serving food without a permit. She plans to argue in court that under the 1999 Texas Religious Freedom Restoration Act, she has a right to serve food to the homeless because she considers it a free exercise of her religion.

Okay, where are the defenders of Indiana and Religious Freedom on this one??!!

If President Obama wants to do something with that “sponsor of terrorism” label he took off Cuba a lot of women would have no problem if he put it on Saudi Arabia.

 

Jeremy Lin on the Lakers “I do think we’re headed in the right direction.” Well, if the goal is a lottery pick, yes indeed

 

The makers of “Kind” bars have been warned by the FDA because “the products do not meet the requirements” to say the bars are a “good source of fiber” with “low sodium” and “no trans fat.” Well, as if anyone expected to find wood chips in “cottage” cheese.

Here we go again. John Boehner today said Obama should re-engage U.S. combat troops in Iraq to fight ISIS. Is the Speaker volunteering to go over and lead them?

Hint to drivers: When a sign under a stop sign says “Cross traffic does not stop” it refers to the street your street is crossing.  All cars. Not a comment on cross i.e. angry drivers     ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬   #nearmiss #didnthavetimetobeawitnesss

 

From Marc Ragovin:   “Upon kicking off his presidential run, Marco Rubio said “Yesterday is over, and we are never going back.” He then unveiled a five minute commercial featuring him and a superimposed Ronald Reagan.”

A horse on a horse, of course, of course.

April 13, 2015

MLB: Colorado Rockies at San Francisco Giants

Of course, the way things went, the SF Giants might have had better luck scoring if they were playing polo.

 

Even though some may think that three World Series rings in five years is getting old, it’s important to remember. The Chicago Cubs won back-to-back World Championships in 1907-08. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎carpediem‬

 

Tom Brady bounced his opening day pitch at Fenway Park today. But to be fair, the Patriots don’t have a Marshawn Lynch equivalent Brady could have handed the ball to.

 

Maybe the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are having a hard time batting with all those rings on their fingers?

Meanwhile, the first Monday night baseball game of the season will feature the Yankees vs the Orioles. Guess those three nationally-televised games against the Red Sox didn’t give the Bronx Bombers enough exposure?

Barry Bonds has spoken up in support of A-Rod and says he doesn’t know why baseball and the Yankees aren’t celebrating his milestones. Now, I am NOT a fan of Alex Rodriguez, but baseball’s attitude to him is a bit like Dr. Frankenstein complaining about someone building a monster. ‪#‎chicksdigthelongball‬

 

Yeah, I know, “Anything can happen.” But does anyone really care who gets the 8th seed in the NBA Eastern conference?

Marco Rubio is the latest entrant into the 2015 Presidential race. Two candidates now from Florida. Better make that clown car a convertible.

An Alaska Airlines flight had to make an emergency landing to rescue an employee who got stuck in in the cargo hold (which was at least pressurized.) The airline has stated this incident was a complete aberration, and not a test to see how it might work in future to transport passengers on their lowest fares.

So apparently that Alaska Airlines employee who was trapped in the cargo hold fell asleep in there. Asleep?! Really?! United Airlines is now trying to figure out how many “comfortable bed” tickets they can sell in cargo.

 

Another headline today about 100 people sick on a cruise ship, this time the Celebrity Infinity, which holds over 2,000 passengers plus over 1,000 crew. So 100 out of about 3,000 people. That’s much better odds for avoiding vomiting etc than most people get on say, spring break.

From Bill Littlejohn,  Apparently Wisconsin basketball coach Bo Ryan caused quite a stir with his post-NCAA Tournament “rent-a-player” comment. Now the Oakland A’s are considering suing for trademark infringement.”

 

 

 

 

Young and old

April 12, 2015

Congrats to Masters’ champion Jordan Spieth. And how young is Jordan? The first people he hugs after his win are his parents.

Arlo Guthrie is on a “50th Anniversary Alice’s Restaurant Tour.” Well, now you can still get anything you want, if you can remember what it is you wanted.

Hillary Clinton today announced her candidacy for the Presidency. The speech was sponsored by Captain Obvious.

Pence, Ishikawa, Cain, Peavy, Belt… Now the latest SF Giant to get injured this year was Casey McGehee last night with a strained knee. Has someone informed the team that “Eight Men Out” is not a desired goal for the home opener?

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim seem determined to dump Josh Hamilton. Well, if they’d eat most of his salary maybe the SF Giants should take a chance on him? ‪#‎poweroutage‬

 

The NY Knicks and Orlando Magic, both lottery teams, combined for 15 points in the second quarter of Saturday night’s game. 15 points combined. Not a typo. And more than a few college one-and-dones suddenly thought, maybe staying in school another year doesn’t sound that bad.

 

Anneget Raunigk, 65, of Berlin, already has 13 children, and is now 21 weeks pregnant with quadruplets, using donated sperm and eggs. Even the Octomom is thinking “Is she nuts?”

On a brighter note, Raunigk should be transitioning to diapers about the same time she trains her toddlers out of them.

Overhead (for real) at farmer’s market. Woman runs up to husband “Why are you in line here?”. He says “It was a long line. Figured their stuff must be good.”.

There was a “fatal incident” Sunday at the Richard Petty Driving Experience at Walt Disney World in Orlando. The attraction, which was scheduled to close in late June anyway, allows tours to drive NASCAR at speeds of up to 165 mph. Let’s hope the victim wasn’t texting at the time.

 

 

Rand Paul today, “Some of the hawks in my party, you can’t find a place on the globe they don’t want boots on the ground.” For a guy who can be bat sh*t crazy, Paul does have these astonishing moments of making sense.

In Cleveland, a 3-year-old child apparently fatally shot a 1-year-old boy in the face. If only the baby had been armed.

 

 

 

A 2 year-old who fell into the Cleveland Zoo’s cheetah enclosure after being dangled over the edge by his parents is recovering. Apparently mom and dad went into the exhibit to rescue him, but as a local TV station reported “the cheetahs made no attempt to interact with the child or the child’s parents.” Making the big cats in this case, much smarter than the humans. #Cantfixstupid

 

Marc Ragovin,  “What a remarkable display of golf at the Master’s. It left me …. Spiethless”


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