The college football season kicked off tonight, and many powerhouses scheduled their usual tough openers. Ohio State took on Marshall, Miami took on Florida A & M, USC took on Hawaii. So once again fans were generally treated to games with all the drama and uncertainty of the Christians taking on the Lions. – Of [...]
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Are you ready for some football?
September 3, 2010We’ll always have Paris…
September 2, 2010Paris Hilton that is, a one-woman economic stimulus package to comedy writers. Now she says she thought the cocaine in her purse was gum. Sort of puts a whole new slant on the concept of “Blowing bubbles.” – But let’s see, mistaking cocaine for gum? Makes that “flaxseed oil” defense sound almost reasonable. – I [...]
Winners and losers.
September 1, 2010While shooting out of the rough, a Southern California golfer had his club accidentally strike a rock. This caused a spark that lit the grass on fire, resulting in a 12 acre blaze. It might turn out to be most expensive incident involving a golf club since Elin took after Tiger. – San Jose State’s [...]
“Arrested” development
August 31, 2010Mizzou’s football team has now had three DUI arrests in the past couple month. Looks like Missouri has now become the “Show me your license and registration” state. – - According to the New York Times, Stanford’s star quarterback Andrew Luck has a 3.55 GPA and an architectural design major. Said football players at Cal, [...]
Edinburgh quippery?
August 30, 2010No, that’s not a sport in a Harry Potter book, but a joke contest in Scotland. Here, for a little cross-Atlantic humor, are the winners….. Some of them prove that laughter is universal, some of them prove that we have absolutely nothing in common with Scotland and England except a language. The winner, from Tim [...]
Restoring America?
August 28, 2010Hawaii won the U.S. title at the Little League World Series. Parents of some defeated teams are demanding they show birth certificates indicating they were born in the U.S. Actually, some parents are probably muttering, “How did those foreigners get into our bracket?” (Not kidding, in the travel business I have been asked if you [...]
Crashes, explosions, etc…
August 27, 2010Some stock market watchers are worried about something called the “Hindenberg Omen,” which has been about 25 percent accurate in predicting market crashes. Still others are waiting for a prediction from Paul the Octopus. – British Airways apologized after an recorded message was accidentally broadcast on a London-Hong Kong flight. The message said “This is [...]
Big tent?
August 26, 2010Larry Craig, California State Senator Roy Ashburn, Ken Mehlman…. The GOP may or may not have that “Big Tent.” But they sure have a big closet. – Ken Mehlman, former RNC chair and director of President Bush’s 2004 re-election campaign, came out of the closet, and said he will become a gay rights advocate. So [...]
Moving on, or not…
August 25, 2010The NFL fined Ochocinco $25,000 for two Twitter violations during the Bengals-Eagles preseason game. Well, good to see the Cincinnati receiver is in midseason form. – Tiger Woods’ now ex-wife Elin was featured on the cover of People Magazine for what she said was her first and last interview. Well, at least until someone makes [...]
Knowing when to quit?
August 24, 2010The judge in the Roger Clemens case has issued a gag order. Shame for the Rocket that someone didn’t issue one to him before he voluntarily testified. – The Basketball World Championships begin this Sunday in Istanbul, officially known as the FIBA (Fédération Internationale de Basketball Amateur) championships. Basketball Amateur? Sounds like a Wizards-Clippers game. [...]
Goodbye Sweet Lou…
August 23, 2010A quick note up front, if these jokes seem more lame than usual this week I am out of the country on vacation, although thanks to the sporting and political worlds (and great friends and readers) for providing me with material in the limited time I have to post this blog this week. – Lou [...]
Commitment and maturity.
August 22, 2010Brett Favre apparently stressed his “commitment” to the Vikings in a team meeting. Commitment? Right. Can you imagine Favre at his wedding? “Do you take this woman…” “Uh, I think I …I’d really like to…. can I get back to you on that?” – Vin Scully just announced he will return to the Dodgers for [...]
Stumbling into the weekend…
August 21, 2010More injury news from Boston: Catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia went on the DL with an infection in his right leg, the fourth catcher alone on the team to be injured. And second man Dustin Pedroia has soreness in the same foot he broke earlier in the year. If this keeps up, they’ll have to rename the [...]
A not so keen grasp of the obvious?
August 20, 2010Researchers have found that the disease that killed Lou Gehrig may not have been “Lou Gehrig’s Disease.” Responded former President George W. Bush – “See, I KNEW it was a hard question.” – My son, Carey Schwartz, heard this line on this morning’s ESPN Sportscenter “by the way, all 3 of Jason Heyward’s walk-off hits [...]
Decisions, decisions, decisions..
August 18, 2010The Brett Favre saga continues. Apparently the Vikings let three active players leave practice to fly down to Mississippi to try to convince the 40 year quarterback to return. Note to Minnesota, if you have to beg, he’s just not that into you. – On the other hand, ESPN remains in love with the story. [...]
Another one bites the dust…
August 17, 2010Latest sports oxymoron – Dodgers closer. (A Los Angeles friend of mine says he has gotten so fed up he wants to see the team go for the record of the most different players to blow a save in one year.) – The World Anti-Doping Agency chief John Fahey was quoted as saying that Major [...]
Weekend follies.
August 16, 2010A-Rod hits three home runs on Saturday, numbers 602, 603 and 604. Purists, however, say the homers should have an asterisks – they were hit against the Royals. – Meanwhile at the PGA Championship, this great line from Marc Ragovin: There was a disturbing moment Sunday as Tiger Woods blurted out “[bleep] me” after making [...]
Onamatopoeia and beyond.
August 15, 2010Onomatopoeia – words that sound like what they mean. Add to the list – the movie “Expendables.” – Toby Gerhart was rusty from having skipped spring practice to finish classes and graduate from Stanford. But he had 24 yards in eight carries in his first pre-season game against the St. Louis Rams. Pretty respectable, but [...]
Eat, pray, love…
August 14, 2010The movie “Eat, Pray, Love” opened Friday. That’s the chick flick. Apparently there will be a sequel for men “Drink, belch, sleep.” Or the Rick Pitino documentary version “Drink, Stray, Lie. – Raiders owner Al Davis says Jason Campbell could be another Jim Plunkett. At this point Oakland fans are just hoping he’s not another [...]
