Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category

It’s snow joke.

January 27, 2015

Once again, NJ & NY see proof why most meteorologists are men: They always overestimate inches. ‪#‎Snowmageddon2015‬

 

Well, at least this over-hyped storm had one silver lining for New Yorkers: It cancelled the Knicks game.

And actually Juno did hit New England hard.  But So the “Blizzard of the 2015″ didn’t turn out to be quite as big a deal in New York and New Jersey as forecasters expected.  Will they rename it “Geno?”

(or “Johnny Storm?”)

As the measles outbreak spreads, have to wonder, if there was a vaccine for Ebola, how many Americans would refuse to use it?

 

Wonder how many NFL people are longing for the days when the only balls in the bathroom controversy had to do with openly gay players.

If you go by $$ per minute, Marshawn Lynch’s 4 minutes and 51 seconds on Super Bowl media day might have been one of the best paid interviews of all time. “I’m just here so I won’t get fined.”  Because he probably saved fines of at least $250,000.

Former NY Giants defensive coordinator Perry Fewell, interviewed to be the 49ers defensive backs coach. But he turned SF down and took the same position with Washington. How toxic an owner do you have to be to make Dan Snyder look good?

Bus to hell time.  A Nashville jury has convicted two ex-Vanderbilt football players of raping a former student inside a dorm room. Wonder if both men now wish they’d gone to Florida State?

Sometimes all technology does is give people more power to embrace their idiocy. A 22 yr-old Texas man is in jail after he posted on FB, “So I have 16 warrants right now. Lol they know where I’m at tho, so it must not be TOO bad.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

New England CB Brandon Browner told ESPN “I’m going to tell my teammates to go hit (Sherman’s) elbow, go hit (Thomas’s) shoulder. Try to break it if you can.” But the NFL is okay with the comments, because Browner didn’t put it in terms of a bounty?

from T.C. “When Elin heard that Tom Brady was possibly cheating, she immediately sent Gisele that famous 9 iron.”

James Caan has filed for divorce from his wife for the third time in ten years. “Dude, make up your mind”, said Brett Favre.

Michelle Obama did not wear a headscarf Tuesday in Saudi Arabia, where local women must cover their heads. Over at FOX News heads must have exploded as they were all no doubt ready to complain that she didn’t show respect for Muslim customs….

Say it ain’t so.

January 26, 2015

A small drone that crashed on the White House lawn this morning apparently belonged to a “government employee” who said was using it for fun when he lost control of the flying device. You know, they really need to find more to do for Joe Biden.

Why there is no satire. Incoming MLB commissioner Rob Manfred said he wants to “inject more offense into the game.” Uh, been there, done that. Got the asterisk on the t-shirt.

 

Patriots owner Robert Kraft said today if the NFL can’t definitely determine guilt in “Deflate-gate”, that the league owes the entire team an apology. Guess that sounds better than saying the NFL would owe New England congratulations on the cover-up.

Richard Sherman, who missed the Pro Bowl because his team has a game this weekend, has a gripe. “Only thing I’m disappointed about is that we didn’t get our gifts from the Pro Bowl. Which is kind of dumb.The NFL is only league that punishes the players who actually make the all-star game by not giving them the gift.”

Well, to be fair, Sherman only signed a 4 year $56 million extension with the Seahawks. Dude’s got to take care of his family.

Arizona man who was hired as “assistant frequency coordinator” for the Super Bowl was fired after he posted a Facebook picture of himself wearing the security ID (The NFL forbids this because of fears the ID’s could be copied.)

His response. “When I screw up…I do it good….. They say that the hardest words in the English language to say are ‘I’m wrong.’ Well…I’m wrong.” Give the guy credit, he’s manned up better than the Patriots.

Tom Brady this morning on a Boston radio show about “Deflate-gate,” said “my feelings got hurt.” “I feel so sorry for him,” said no one outside New England.

What took so long? Fox Sports reports that NFL has “zeroed in” on a Patriots locker room attendant who allegedly took balls before the Patriots-Colts from the officials’ locker room to another area on the way to the field. So was it Belichick or Brady who uttered the pre-game words “Who will rid me of this meddlesome air?

Odell Beckham Jr., he of the highlight reel catches, says that he was bothered by a hamstring this year and wasn’t at full strength all season. And a bunch of cornerbacks and safeties just threw up.

Disney Cruise Line has announced plans to bring “Frozen” to life for cruise passengers this summer on select sailings to Europe and Alaska, with characters and music from the film. And presumably well-iced martinis to help parents survive hearing “Let it Go” one more time.

 

KFC in the Philippines has a new menu item, the “Double Down Dog” sandwich. It features a cheese covered hot dog inside a bun-size piece of fried chicken. No word on if the “Double Down Dog” will ever be available in the U.S. Presumably KFC first needs to find a sponsoring team of cardiologists.

Travel bans in effect Monday night in NY.. ‪#‎NYJets‬ & ‪#‎NYGiants‬ have done their part by not having fans need to fly to ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ ‪#‎blizzardof2015‬

The hard stuff.

January 26, 2015

President Obama and PM Narendra Modi said they have reached “a breakthrough understanding” on nuclear issues between the U.S and India. Okay, that’s a start. Now what are they going to do about deflated footballs?

Even SNL opened with a “Deflate-Gate” sketch. Apparently it was either that or one about using guns on fish in a barrel.

 

Richard Sherman, never a fan of the philosophy “when your opponent is digging himself into a ditch, stand back and watch him dig.” on Deflate-gate

““Will the (the Patriots) be punished? Probably not. Not as long as Robert Kraft and Roger Goodell are still taking pictures at their respective homes. I think it was just at Kraft’s house last week before the AFC Championship, you know. Talk about conflict of interest.”

With all due re$pect, I don’t think it matter$ who’$ playing. As Goodell has billion$ of rea$on$ not to me$$ with the ca$h cow that is the $uper Bowl.

 

Miss Universe was crowned  Sunday night. Not sure how many straight men in the audience but at least nice to have one competition without deflated balls.

Ashley Wagner won her 3rd US figure skating championship yesterday. At the age of 23. Guess this makes her figure skating’s Jamie Moyer.

 

Ideas for Super Bowl halftime  –  from Bill Littlejohn  “How about Air Supply?”

Or maybe all the songs should be sung in the key of B flat?

Of course, Idina Menzel is doing the National Anthem. Maybe she should toss in a Frozen line  – “My power flurries through the air into the ground.”

While we’re all on the free speech bandwagon, the mayor of Boston signed an agreement that blocks city employees from making negative comments about the Olympics, the International Olympic Committee, or the USOC. Not exactly a profile in courage.

Sarah Palin “the man can only ride you when your back is bent.”. And somewhere W is thinking. “And they said I couldn’t speak English?”

The Pro Bowl final score was 32-28. And if you already knew that, you might be just beyond a football fanatic. And if you had a bet on the score, you might just have a gambling problem.

But okay, while the Pro Bowl is a joke,  caught a glimpse on ESPN pre-game of Drew Brees, Andrew Luck and John Harbaugh laughing and chatting in locker room. Now that would be a seriously fun conversation to overhear.

New MLB commissioner Rob Manfred said in an interview that he wants to “inject additional offense into the game” and would be open to pursuing the elimination of defensive shifts, which he says give the fielders a competitive advantage. Well, while he’s at it will Manfred limit the number of innings thrown by pitchers like Kershaw and Bumgarner?

 

(and didn’t we already try “injecting” offense into the game?”)

Browns WR Josh Gordon has failed another drug test, allegedly for alcohol which was forbidden as part of his probation and may now be suspended for a year by the NFL. In Gordon’s defense, will he claim that dealing with the Manziel circus is enough to drive ANYONE to drink.

Congrats to Coach K, for being the first Men’s Division 1 basketball coach to reach 1,000 wins. For all those one-and-done current players, that’s a 1 with three zeroes after it.

But lest we forget, Coach K is still 98 wins behind Pat Summitt. ‪#‎1000Wins‬

 

The winning touch?

January 24, 2015

A new poll found that 1 in 4 U.S. citizens believe God plays a role in determining which team wins sports contests. The rest of us know it’s down to lucky charms, clothes, voodoo, etc.

Fed Ex announced they have delivered the Super Bowl Lombardi trophy to Arizona, where it is now on display. If the Patriots win will they put a little dent in the football?

The NFL has apparently warned that if Marshawn Lynch grabs his crotch again for a touchdown celebration, Seattle will be fined 15 yards. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just ask the Patriots to over-inflate the Seahawks’ footballs?

Well, at least Brandon Bostick has to be happy no one is talking anymore about his muffed catch of the ‪#‎Seahawks‬ onside kick.

Although just think, had the Seahawks kicked one of those Patriot balls, Bostick might have had an easier time catching it.

And if some ways really don’t get why Deflategate is still a story. Shouldn’t the Patriots have found some lowly equipment staffer willing to fall on his sword, or rather ball, and accept responsibility by now? Or are they still working out the details of the “retirement” payout?

Northern California’s Serra High School has been banned from post-season football for two years. Because their coach announced to their opponent, at noon on the day of a December playoff consolation game, that they were forfeiting and would not play, because he “couldn’t justify a single injured player.” So in other words, risks are fine if it’s about winning. But if the game doesn’t lead to a potential championship, there’s no point.

And this is the high school where Tom Brady played football. ‪#‎lessonlearned‬

Lindsay Lohan is facing jail because she is behind on her community service. But the actress is claiming she hasn’t been able to put in the hours due to a virus she contracted while vacationing in Bora Bora. Wouldn’t it have been easier to claim measles from Disneyland?

The University of Alabama has announced that Lane Kiffin will be staying as offensive coordinator. Translation, either the SF 49ers wised up. Or didn’t offer Kiffin enough money.

 

Big sports news across the pond in England. BBC calling it maybe the biggest FA Cup shocker ever – Bradford City comes back from 2-0 down to beat Chelsea 4-2. And in the US people are going, “who’s Bradford, who’s Chelsea, and what the heck is the FA Cup?”

Great oldie but goodie line on a San Francisco bar coaster. “The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.” ‪#‎notamorningperson‬

Sarah Palin now says she is “seriously interested” in running for President in 2016. This might be the first time Palin and “serious” have been used in the same sentence.

 

Ted Cruz today in Iowa. “There are 110,000 employees at the IRS. We need to padlock that building and put every one of those 110,000 on our southern border.’ What’s more ludicrous? The idea of putting all Americans on the honor system for taxes? Or putting 110,000 accountant types with guns on the Mexican border?

-

Let’s play two.

January 23, 2015

 

As a child, it was hard to imagine a baseball world without Ernie Banks in it. It still is. RIP Mr. Cub. Hope heaven has a special shiny gold trophy for you with all those little flags on it.

 

And yeah, MLB Hall of Fame is one thing. But what greater tribute to a man, ‪#‎ErnieBanks‬ , ‪#‎MrCub‬, is that no one ever said a negative word about him.

You cannot make this “stuff” up: Actual USAToday.com headline – “Supreme Court will rule on safety of lethal injections.”

 

A Southern California TV station (KSBY) is reporting that former MLB pitcher Ted Lilly has been charged with 3 felony counts of insurance fraud for damaging his $200,000 RV and not filing a claim until he purchased insurance afterwards. But hey, the guy has to feed his family. Lilly only earned about $100 million in his career.

Some wondered if there would be repercussions when airlines no longer required electronic devices to be turned off from the moment the door is closed. Alas, here’s one: the company behind the SkyMall catalog has declared Chapter 11. ‪#‎noneedtoread‬

And how many people read the above and think “Ooh, Skymall close-out sale!”

 

Of course it makes sense that Tom Brady, who likes his balls “a certain way” wouldn’t have noticed that the footballs were different last week. About as much sense as David Ortiz getting confused and using Dustin Pedroia’s bat by mistake.

How quickly things change. And here many of us thought the NFL narrative all week would be about the end of the Packers Seahawks game.

 

A Southern California TV station (KSBY) is reporting that former MLB pitcher Ted Lilly has been charged with 3 felony counts of insurance fraud for damaging his $200,000 RV and not filing a claim until he purchased insurance afterwards. But hey, the guy has to feed his family. Lilly only earned about $100 million in his career.

Kobe Bryant, 36, may soon have season-ending surgery on his torn rotator cuff. But by doing the surgery now Bryant should be healthy enough to start and be injured again next season.

Marshawn Lynch, unhappy about recent fines, especially one on a teammate, tweeted that he was ” embarrassed to work” for the NFL. Hmm. If he wants to be really embarrassed, Lynch could sign a free agent deal with the Jets.

Three players were ejected after a fight where punches were thrown in the Alabama-Auburn women’s basketball game last night. And a whole lot of men just put the SEC women’s final on their watch calendar.

Seems like a lot of the people screaming at Obama for not attending the free speech ‪#‎jesuisCharlie‬ rally in Paris sure have their knickers in a knot over various free speech comments about ‪#‎AmericanSniper‬

 

And the gifts just keep on coming. Rick Santorum says he is thinking of running again for President in 2016. No word on when Santorum will decide whether or not to throw his vest into the ring.

Measles was declared eradicated in 2000. Now, thanks to the anti-vaccine movement, the CDC says that last year doctors in the U.S. diagnosed 644 cases of measles. And some wonder how anti-science politicians get elected….

In San Francisco today, Jeb Bush acknowledged he is “seriously” considering a run for President. And Hillary Clinton “seriously” congratulated Jeb for saying it with a straight face.

Denial is now a river in New England?

January 23, 2015

Bill Belichick. “I have no explanation for what happened… I was shocked to learn of the footballs on Monday.” I presume the Patriots coach was also shocked to hear that there is gambling in Casablanca?

 

 

More from Belichick’s press conference. “Tom’s personal preferences on his footballs are something that he can talk about in much better detail and information than I could possibly provide,” Someone want to pass this quote on to Giselle?

 

 

Tom Brady – – “I wouldn’t do anything to break the rules.” Giselle – “My husband cannot f–king throw the ball and deflate it at the same time.”

 

 

So much denial out of New England. Hmm. Overheard last weekend in the Patriots’ locker room by coaches and players holding footballs “Will no one rid me of this meddlesome air?”

First a missing elevator video, now a micro-manager of a coach who didn’t realize his team was cheating, again. Just wondering, since when did Roger Goodell decide that ignorance is only no excuse in New Orleans.

So can we make sure all the Pro Bowl footballs are deflated? Since it’s an exhibition game, it would be fun to see Luck and Brees combine to throw for  20-30 touchdowns.

 

Meanwhile, back in the NFC, the NFL has fined Marshawn Lynch $20,000 for the grabbing his crotch after scoring a TD in the Seahawks win over Green Bay. And then presumably the league will fine the Seattle RB another $50,000 for refusing to comment on the incident.

Starbucks reported a 16% jump in quarterly profit today. Makes sense, interest rates are still low enough that consumers can get inexpensive loans to buy their coffee.

How much more does this Disneyland measles outbreak have to spread before people start clamoring for President Obama to figure out a way to prevent the disease?

House GOP leaders pulled a very restrictive anti-abortion bill from the floor after reports that several women Republican congressmen were going to vote against it. Presumably their next step, looking into what it would take to repeal the 19th amendment.

Mike Huckabee, talking about how states could resist a Supreme Court decision upholding gay marriage: “Do we really surrender the entire American system of government to five people, unelected, appointed for life, with no consequences for the decisions they make? The founders never intended for there to be such incredible, almost unlimited power, put in the hands of so few people.”

Uh, wonder what President Al Gore thinks of this statement?

 

 

As negative as this ‪#‎DeflateGate‬ coverage is ‪#‎RichardSherman‬ still probably stewing over fact that he’s out of the headlines. ‪#‎SuperBowl‬

 

 

From Marc Ragovin. “I hear the Patriots’ Super Bowl fight song is gonna be “Under Pressure.”

Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah, 91, has died. The scary thing…. he’s supposed to have made the country more modern and reasonable. ‪#‎howcouldyoutell‬

A 50-year-old Irish grandmother received no jail time when she pleaded guilty to possession of a small amount of cocaine at a Cork bingo hall. Apparently police first became suspicious when they heard her yelling “BINGO” from the next county.

 

Email ad today for the Westminster Kennel show “See your favorite dogs for this February only $30.” Of course New York bargain hunters can wait six weeks and get cheap seats for the Mets.

Not enough hot air?

January 22, 2015

The “deflate-gate” story is getting more and more media coverage. If this keeps up, God may not be rooting for the Seahawks, but Roger Goodell and the NFL sure will.

Andrew Luck, asked about losing the AFC Championship game. “You do feel deflated.” Now Andrew is a nice young man and apparently felt embarrassed when he realized what he said. But Luck does have a free pass on the bus to hell if he wants one.

So deflated footballs are easier for quarterbacks to handle? Maybe this explains why Jerry Jones wanted Chris Christie as a lucky charm at Dallas games…. he just wanted the NJ Governor to sit on the team’s balls.

 

As if most Americans weren’t already sad to see Seattle instead of Green Bay in the Super Bowl, here’s Aaron Rodgers, when asked if losing a game like last week’s shakes his faith: “I don’t think God cares a whole lot about the outcome. He cares about the people involved, but I don’t think he’s a big football fan.”

(besides, we all know, God prefers baseball.)

 

Even casual football fans now know that the amount of air in a ball makes a difference. One of the few deflating offenders caught in the past? USC , who was fined $25,000, under then coach Lane Kiffin in 2012.  Yep, the same Kiffin who is now under consideration to be the 49ers offensive coordinator.  So the circus may really be coming to San Francisco.

A new study has found that people of drink four or more cups of coffee a day have a 20 percent less chance of getting malignant melanoma skin cancer. Maybe due to the antioxidants. Or maybe due to the fact that anyone drinking that much coffee won’t be able to sit still in the sun for long.

Now Joe Biden says he might run for President in 2016. Seems reasonable. Why should late-night talk show hosts just have fun with the GOP side?

 

Chelsea Clinton, talking about her baby girl – “I read her the world news every morning.” Well, of course, how else will Charlotte be prepared in 2060 to run for President?

 

Former NY Jets QB coach David Lee said that Geno Smith’s inconsistency “is what killed us.” Right, because the Jets did so much better with Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow.

A password management company has found that Americans have wised up and that “password” is no longer the most commonly used password in the U.S. It has, however, been replaced by “123456.” Maybe such users should consider another six character password – “Darwin.”

PGA golfer Robert Allenby said he was kidnapped, beaten and robbed in Honolulu. But now witnesses say they just saw him passed out drunk on a sidewalk. Even Tiger Woods is thinking, “Dude, you couldn’t come up with a better story?”

Why there is no satire. Thanks to my friend Laura for this line from the AP, note, not the Onion, the AP: “ORLANDO, Florida — A trial to determine whether U.S. Rep. Alan Grayson’s wife committed bigamy when she wed the congressman has been delayed because she required emergency surgery to remove breast implants.”

 

 

From T.C.  Mah husband cannot throw the f***ing ball and blow it up too – Gisele Bundchen


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