Archive for the ‘sports jokes’ category

« Left Coast Sports Babe home page
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

Over the line?

April 22, 2013

Reese Witherspoon arrested for disorderly conduct when her husband was arrested for DUI. Not exactly her best performance in Walk the Line

-

Ok, this statement from Reese Witherspoon. “I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about the things I said. It was definitely a scary situation and I was frightened for my husband, but that is no excuse. I was disrespectful to the officer who was just doing his job. I have nothing but respect for the police and I’m very sorry for my behavior.” What? No blame on someone else? How does she call herself a celebrity.

-

T.C.’s comment-   “Apparently, Reese Witherspoon was beligerent when her husband was arrested for DUI. She asked the cop “Do you know who I am???” He replied, “Yes, you’re Al Michaels”.

-

South Carolina’s 1st Congressional District hasn’t elected a Democrat since 1961 but Elizabeth Colbert Busch is now leading Mark Sanford by 9 points in the polls. Maybe proving that even though you can make all kinds of anti-woman comments, it IS just possible to be enough of a douchebag that they won’t vote for you.

-

American  golfers Dustin Johnson and Zach Johnson have pulled out of the Ballantine’s Championship in South Korea this week citing safety concerns. Although with all due respect, the U.S. tournament this week is the Zurich Classic in New Orleans, where they are statistically more likely to be shot.

-

After 11 NFL seasons, LB Scott Fujita announced his retirement today when he signed a one-day contract with New Orleans so he could retire as a Saint. New York fans immediately started pleading with Mark Sanchez to sign such a one-day contract with the Jets.

-

Lakers’ coach Mike D’Antoni said L.A. needs Steve Nash to upset the Spurs. Now I like Steve Nash as much as I dislike Kobe. But to pull off this upset? I think they need the Nash of about 5-10 years ago.

-

A new report published in Pedriatics says at least 30 teenagers needed medical attention last year after trying the “cinnamon challenge.” Which is trying to swallow a spoonful of ground cinnamon in 60 seconds without water. Great, just what we need – driver’s licenses required to make purchases in the spice aisle.

-

NY State Sen. Greg Ball posted on Twitter that “who wouldn’t want to use torture against the surviving Boston terror suspect?” Uh, leaving aside the moral implications, and that fact that this is not a movie or “24″ episode, could we at least wait and see if he answers voluntarily?

-

SF Giants didn’t have a walkoff win until April 19. Now they have 2 in 4 days. Are they trying to become the official baseball team of Just For Men?

-

There have been several flight delays on the East Coast due to FAA controllers being furloughed with sequestration budget cuts. Can’t we schedule these furloughs where they are most deserved – at whatever time members of Congress are trying to fly home for the weekend?

-

From Terry Etter:  “Because the budget crisis has caused some air traffic controllers to be laid off, the FAA says we can expect flight delays of up to 3 and 1/2 hours this summer. So who knew that having fewer traffic controllers would shorten airline delays.”

-

CB Darrelle Revis, traded from the Jets to the Buccaneers, promised that Tampa Bay “will make a lot of noise” in the 2013 season. Well, with Revis on the team “noise” is a given. Winning, on the other hand…

-

Auburn’s AD Jay Jacobs responded to an online report that accused their 2011 BCS champion team of altering grades and bribing players by saying the article was full of “misrepresentations” and “is clearly flawed.” Hmm, does that mean there was a lot of stuff they missed?

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Young at heart?

April 21, 2013

Bucky Lasek, 40, the oldest man in the X Games Vert, won a gold medal in skateboarding. Whereupon he immediately turned to his competitors and said “You punks get off my ramp.”

-

A 25 yr old Illinois Chicago Bulls fans filed a lawsuit against Derrick Rose. He claims Rose missing the entire NBA regular season made him fat and depressed. Let’s hope this doesn’t come to anything, or Cubs fans may sue the team for playing with the same results.

-

Amazing that the folks who think this Boston bombing was somehow a US government conspiracy are the same ones who don’t think the government is competent to do anything else.

 

-

The SF Giants’ Barry Zito is still unscored upon in 2013 while wearing #75. (His 9 run outing was on Jackie Robinson day.)

-

LB Rolando McClain, newly signed by the Baltimore Ravens, has been arrested for the THIRD time in his home town of Decatur, GA.   He was first arrested (and convicted) by Decatur police in 2011 on assault and menancing charges. Then in January of this year the former Alabama star was arrested after he gave the police a false name when he was pulled over for a window tint violation.

This arrest was disorderly conduct and resisting arrest after an incident at a local park.   Couldn’t find out what McClain majored in at Alabama. Guessing it wasn’t criminal justice.

 

 

David Ortiz won’t have to worry about a fine for his colorful speech. This tweet from FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski ” David Ortiz spoke from the heart at today’s Red Sox game. I stand with Big Papi and the people of Boston – Julius” Who knew the FCC could be so f***ing reasonable?

 

-

A week after the Masters’ no one has come forward as the person who called in Tiger Woods’ improper drop after the second round of the Masters,  but Marc Ragovin suggests this   “this tape from the Golf Hotline might provide a clue:
“Hello, Elyn from Florida, you’re on the air.”

 

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

Priorities.

April 21, 2013

So Big Papi dropped an f-bomb during pregame ceremonies at Fenway Park today. (This is our f**king city.) And many of the same media that bleeped it out had no problem showing countless bloody pictures of the Boston Marathon bombing scene. #Priorities.

-

Now that one Boston bombing suspect is dead and the other in custody, CNN can go back to their regular programming. Quick, is there a cruise ship adrift somewhere?

-

Tonight #Bucks vs. #Heat in #NBA playoffs. For all those who miss the drama of Christians vs. Lions.

-

Denver police were worried about crowd control at the country’s largest 4/20 outdoor pot smoking celebration. On the other hand, if anyone had bad intentions, a few minutes out in that crowd (and cloud) and it would have been “Uh, wait, why am I here? Nice party though…”

-

Tim Lincecum, 6 2/3 shutout innings and a win on 4/20 – National Marijuana Day. Coincidence?

-

A Long Island NY woman was arrested and charged with encouraging her teenagers to shoot the windows out of parked cars with a BB gun while she drove. Not sure about the possible sentence, but maybe the NRA will applaud her for a creative family bonding exercise?

-

Two friends of the alleged Boston bomber were arrested today. Apparently they have a black BMW with a novelty license plate reading “Terrorista #1” Even if they’re not guilty of anything related to the bombing, that plate should be enough to charge them with felony stupidity.

-

As awful as Boston was, can we briefly turn our attention to West, Texas, where at least 14 died and hundreds were injured. And Reuters reports that the fertilizer plant which exploded didn’t tell DHS it was storing 1,350 times the amount of ammonium nitrate allowable without mandatory safety checks. It’s only too much govt. regulation until something blows up….

-

As America returns to semi-normal, maybe we could work on our geography? Apparently a number of people on twitter were posting about suspects from Czech Republic.

Finally, -Sweet Caroline at A T and T. SF Giants fans get it. #Bostonstrong

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10100580504241758

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: 3 Comments

First things first but…

April 18, 2013

After we find and prosecute the Boston Marathon bombers, think there’s any way to prosecute some of the media who printed photos of innocent men as suspects?

-

Derek Jeter apparently has a small crack in his surgically repaired left ankle and will be out at least until the All-Star break. At this point the Yankees may decide to seek a second opinion from an expert paleontologist.

-

Mitt Romney said today that President Obama gave a “superb” speech at the memorial for the Boston Marathon bombing victims. Well, heck, if the Yankees and Red Sox can get along for a few days, maybe bipartisan goodwill is possible. For a few days anyway.

-

And on the subject of bipartisan agreement….    My friend Ed Murrell and I will probably would never vote the same way on anything. But I agree with him on this post of his today.    So what – the league put out a schedule today…..“Sports radio has become a boring, monotonous NFL advertisement. Who honestly gives a !@#$%^& about the NFL schedule. You’ve got no life if you’re into that mess.”

-

-NY Mets vs. Colorado Rockies today in 30 degree weather in Denver. 30 degrees? That’s colder than the Mets’ bats. MLB says more stringent security measures will be in place at ballparks. So fans may need to arrive earlier as the league tries to guard against terrorists attacks on big crowds. Well, at least Marlins fans are safe.

-

A thought  from Michael Hayne that would be funnier if it weren’t rather true.  ” The great thing about being white is we’re never a terrorist, we just have a mental illness.”

-

Chris Culliver, the SF 49ers’ player who ended up in trouble for his anti-gay comments during Super Bowl week, now posted on Instagram photos of a iPhone conversation referring to women as “bitches” and “hoes.” There is just no cure for stupid.

-

Now that Britney Griner is officially out, really rooting for Mark Cuban’s idea. Would be fun if the first openly gay athlete in a major men’s professional sport turned out to be a woman.Another thought about the Senators who voted against more government control over guns. So why doesn’t their support of individual freedom extend to things like legalized marijuana and prostitution?

-

Turns out the man suspected of sending letters contacting ricin-laden letters to President Obama and Sen. Roger Wicker is an Elvis impersonator from Tupelo. Geez. If Elvis wasn’t dead, this kind of stuff would kill him.

-

Whichever side you’re on, it seems pretty clear that if Senators were afraid they would lose their next election for voting against background checks, some of them would have put aside their principled defense of gun rights.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Missed it by that much.

April 17, 2013

Who in the media are making the decisions to go with this ever increasing number of incorrect  Boston stories? Have to assume their prior careers with the airlines announcing things like ‘brief delay,” and “we’ll be boarding in a few minutes.”

-

American Airlines says their flights are “back to normal” after a computer glitch grounded all their planes yesterday. On the other hand, American has been named the official airline of Carnival Cruise Lines.

-

Got to love that most of today’s GOP thinks you should be able to buy a gun with no background checks, but heaven forbid if you want to something REALLY dangerous, like voting.

-

If as an SF Giants fan I have to wish the New York Yankees well for playing SweetCaroline last night, It is convenient that they’re playing the NL West AZ D’backs.

-

No arrests as of Wednesday night in the Boston marathon bombings yet. In the meantime, if you are a man in Boston interested in buying a good-sized pressure cooker, might be a good idea to wait a week.

-

So a compromise proposal to expand gun background checks “lost” in the Senate as the vote was 54 for and 46 against. 54-46?! Whatever happened to majority rule?

-

Phil Jackson is reportedly ready to end his latest coaching retirement. Even Brett Favre is saying, “Dude, give it up already.

-

Tonight is last night of #NBA regular season. So this means only 3-4 months until the playoff finals?

-

The National Republican Congressional Committeesaid they will not be putting any more money into Mark Sanford’s congressional race. Allegedly because the GOP was caught “off guard” by Jenny Sanford’s trespassing charges and worry other damaging revelations about his personal life could emerge before the election. Gosh, and why would they doubt Mark at this point?

-

American Airlines apologized for their computer glitch that grounded flights yesterday. Wonder how long it will take them to add a “computer maintenance” fee?

-

 

More proof that women are tougher than men: WNBA #1 pick, Britney Griner, about sexuality and sports – “I wouldn’t say I was hiding or anything like that. I’ve always been open about who I am and my sexuality. If I can show that I’m out and I’m fine and everything’s OK, then hopefully the younger generation will definitely feel the same way.”

-

 

From my friend Alex Kaseberg   “The movie ’42′ is out.  It is a movie about Jackie Robinson, so it is about class, courage, grace and dignity. Or as it is also known: ‘The Not Alex Rodriguez Story.’ “

_

Another story on “Sweet Caroline” last night.  We may hate other teams on the field, but we are all Americans:

http://aol.sportingnews.com/mlb/story/2013-04-16/new-york-yankees-sweet-caroline-boston-red-sox-marathon-victims-tribute

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Sweet Caroline.

April 16, 2013

For those who missed it,  will for once in my life,   hand it to the NY Yankees.  Not sure who made the decision (sent lots of emails, tweets, plus a couple phone calls,last night and Tuesday am. )And also thanks to Derek Primont who started tweeting the Yankees this morning.

-

Also thanks to Michael Duca, who decided to contact the commissioner’s office, and got them to send a memo to all teams suggesting  they play Sweet Caroline.   (The Milwaukee Brewers, either because they didn’t have the song or had a better idea, played “Cheers.”)

-

Boston #RedSox tweeted thanks to #Yankees for show of support. They’d like one little thing more from NY – a 11 or 12 game losing streak.

-

Media rumors about the Boston bombings are as all over the place as March Madness predictions. And often they are proving to be just as accurate.

-

As the country wonders about getting back to normal, American Airlines  grounded all flights for several hours today due to a computer problem. Well, with the airlines guess this passes for normal.

(Many in the country were shocked by the news….an airline had a major computer screwup, and it wasn’t United?)

-

And as far as back to normal for college football :   The University of Oregon and the NCAA agree “major” violations were committed by the football program under Chip Kelly. So yeah, let’s put the program on probation for years and punish the coach with the big NFL contract by embarrassing him. Worked so well with USC and Pete Carroll.

-

-

A thought, as awful as yesterday was in Boston, it really is good to see Americans, for the most part, coming together and forgetting most of the usual stuff we argue about.

-

Topeka’s Westboro  Baptist   on the other hand,  is in their usual disgusting form,  threatening to picket the victims’ funerals.  If the FBI ever wants to recreate the crime scene using another bomb as part of their investigation,  I think most of America would join me in suggesting a certain church in Kansas ..

-

Okay, and then in the midst of tragedy there is absurdity…. as news leaks today that Jenny Sanford has filed a criminal complaint alleging her ex-husband Mark has “entered into a pattern” of trespassing, and that she caught him inside her home in Feb. When will they ever learn?

(as my friend Michael Powers says   “Hello, Congresswoman Colbert Bush.”

 

And finally, kudos to the  Chicago Tribune.  So sad they had to do this, but a lovely response.

-

chicago

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 4 Comments

Legends in their own minds.

April 14, 2013

On tour in Europe, Justin Bieber took time to visit the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam and wrote in the guestbook: “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber,” Well, that should do wonders for Justin’s self-obsessed reputation.

 

 

One silver lining for some adults in Justin Bieber’s guestbook comment saying he hoped Anne Frank ‘Would Have Been a Belieber.”   At least they now have a reason other than Justin’s music to dislike him.

-

Two Chicago Cubs pitchers tied a record with 5 wild pitches in a inning today against the SF Giants Mitch Williams wants his nickname retroactively changed to “Not-so-wild-thing”

-

So we’re finally almost to the NBA playoffs. But it’s a little hard to get excited at the beginning of a postseason that will last longer than a Kardashian marriage.

-

So Mark Sanford has won his Congressional primary, Anthony Weiner is reportedly thinking of running for mayor of New York? What’s next, a comeback for John Edwards?

-

Sen. Marco Rubio now said today that immigration reform will actually be tougher on “illegal aliens” than the current law. Yep, Rubio’s had so many positions on this issue he MUST be running for President.

 

-

George W. Bush’s daughter Jenna gave birth yesterday to his first grandchild, a daughter. So what will it be, about 40 years before the little girl runs for President?

-

Apparently Rutgers is close to hiring Los Angeles Lakers’ assistant Eddie Jordan as their new men’s basketball coach. Makes a certain amount of sense, the Lakers might be the only team at this point where moving to Rutgers would mean less of a circus.

-

Carlos Quentin dropped his appeal Sunday dropped his appeal and will begin serving his 8-game suspension Monday in Los Angeles and will miss the Padres-Dodgers series.  See, these Stanford boys CAN be smart.

-

-

With as hot as the Braves are and as lousy as the Marlins are, wonder if Miami will be eliminated before the All-Star break?

 

At 935am April 15 in Sydney, Adam Scott became the first Australian winner of the Masters.   Just what Aussies need, a reason to drink on a Monday morning.

-

And so Tiger finished four shots back,  but no way of knowing, had he not had the 2-shot penalty, might Woods have played a little differently and had a chance to end up at least in the playoff?

Who knew a simple phone call could have been almost as damaging as Elin wielding a 9-iron.

-

 

From T.C.   “If Tiger had won, or came within 2 shots, this tournament will be marked with a Masterisk.”

-

And Gary M. wondered if   “All this hoopla about Tiger’s ball drop,  may escalade into something really big.”

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

The ring’s the thing?

April 14, 2013

Nate Schierholtz got his World Series ring before the Giants-Cubs game today. The game was almost delayed when Wrigley stadium security had to X-ray this unknown and thus potentially dangerous object.

-

So someday will they make a movie like 42 about the first openly gay ballplayer. And will the prejudice seem as archaic?

-

A YouGov survey found that more Americans support universal background checks for guns than like apple pie and kittens. Of course, if President Obama came out with a resolution to honor apple pie and kittens, the GOP would filibuster it.

-

A Carnival cruise ship picked up 13 Cubans off a raft 40 miles from Key West, and after feeding them turned the refugees over to the U.S. Coast Guard. On the one hand, how disappointed the Cubans must have been to come so close. On the other hand, with Carnival being their taste of the U.S., maybe Cuba won’t seem so bad.

.

Terrebonne Parish, a small town in Louisiana wants to ban “sagging” or wearing pants below the waist and exposing their underwear.  While they’re at it, can they add a spandex codicil?

-

Tiger Woods was assessed a two-shot penalty in the Masters for breaking an arcane rule that could have resulted in disqualification. He remains in the tournament because of another arcane rule. You don’t disqualify Tiger Woods.

-

So not sure what the Masters people want now. If Tiger Woods comes back today many will say it’s another example of him overcoming adversity, others will say he should have been DQ’ed. The only sure winner? CBS #Ratings.

-

A New York heiress allegedly stabbed her life coach with a fork — just six months after she was arrested for choking her sobriety coach. Even Lindsay Lohan is thinking “this woman is out of control.”

-

A man was shot and killed this morning in a San Francisco Nob Hill apartment in what may have been a domestic dispute. These days in the city that prompts two reactions: 1. That’s horrible. 2. So, does this mean the apartment will become available?

-

California Speaker John Perez says at Democratic convention that the state of Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon now has a Democratic majority. Of course to be fair Reagan and Nixon these days would be too liberal to be Republican.

-

From Bill Littlejohn:   JaMarcus Russell may be planning a comeback? The only possible bigger comeback would be if they found Atlantis.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 4 Comments

LA LA land.

April 13, 2013

The Republican National Committee today passed a strongly worded resolution opposing same-sex marriage and urging the Supreme Court to uphold DOMA. Got it, guns don’t hurt people, gay marriages do…..

-

Another thought about the base-brawl in San Diego:  Somewhere Barry Bonds has to be thinking – “Wow, there’s now a guy who’ll get booed in Los Angeles more than I ever did….”

-

Carlos Quentin, suspended for eight games. Thinking he might serve it out immediately. As the San Diego Padres are playing the Dodgers in Los Angeles next Monday….

-

So if Nolan Ryan gets tired of running the Texas Rangers, maybe he can open a clinic to teach pitchers self defense skills?

-

Meanwhile ESPN reports sources saying Alex Rodriguez paid a former Florida drug clinic employee to prevent the release of potentially damaging documents. Remember the days when MLB was hoping A-Rod would break Bonds’ home run record? :-)

-

Another disaster for the Los Angeles Dodgers. First Greinke gets hurt. Now Kershaw has given up a run.

(actually 3, but 2 were inherited runners a reliever let score.)

-

-

Bummer for Kobe Bryant with a probable torn ACL. Means he probably will miss playing for the Lakers in the playoffs – all five or six games.

-

A new survey says that for the first time in more than six years, the number of Americans who say things are going well in the country has reached 50%. Guess this won’t be something the GOP blames on Obama.

-

Uh, really? Ann Coulter thought this was a funny thing to say? ”MSNBC’s Martin Bashir suggested that Rep. senators need to have a member of their families killed for them to support the Dem’s’ gun proposals. (Let’s start with Meghan McCain!)” Wonder what Ann would say if someone made a joke about shooting her.

-

(For that matter, what would Ann, or Fox News have said if some Democrat made a joke about shooting any child of a Republican leader.)

-

At the Masters today China’s 14 year old star Tianlang Guan was assessed a one-stroke penalty at the 17th hole for slow play. It would be very un-PC to make an Asian driver joke here.

-

Lindsey Vonn is in Augusta cheering Tiger on at the Masters. And presumably making sure Woods doesn’t head out for a pancake breakfast by himself.

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: 3 Comments

“Wah wah woh wah wah”

April 11, 2013

Peter Robbins, 56, who was once the voice of Charlie Brown on the Peanuts specials, has pleaded guilty to stalking his ex-girlfriend. Wonder if she’s a little red-haired girl?

-

Down in Single-A baseball, Chicago Cubs prospect Jorge Soler was fined and suspended five games for approaching the opposing team’s dugout wielding a bat. The punishment could have been worse, but since he was a member of the Cubs organization, baseball officials figured he actually wouldn’t hit anything.

-

Major bench-clearing brawl in San Diego during the Dodgers-Padres game tonight. This would never have happened in today’s Giants-Cubs game – it  WAY too cold for anyone to voluntarily leave the dugout.

-

Zack Greinke apparently has a broken collarbone after the brawl. Waiting for Wayne Pierre to say we need to arm pitchers.

-

This Greinke injury could scare other MLB pitchers away from pitching inside. Well, except Barry Zito. He knows no hitter would risk the embarrassment of charging the mound after being hit by a 50mph fastball.

New England CB Alfonzo Dennard, who was accused of assaulting an officer in April 2012, has been sentenced to probation plus a 30-day jail sentence. The jail sentence will begin on March 31, 2014. 2014? How long until Lindsay Lohan tries for the same deal on rehab.

-

A new study from National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism says that Americans tend to eat more calories and fat on the days they also have alcoholic drinks. Uh, couldn’t we have gotten the same results for a lot less $$ by sending the scientists to a few Happy Hours?

-

Bud Selig has rejected San Jose mayor Chuck Reed’s for a meeting to discuss the Oakland A’s hopes to move to a San Jose ballpark. But maybe Selig will appoint a blue-ribbon committee to spend 5 years looking into the proposed meeting?

-

A Northern California Junior High school has been in the news for prohibiting girls from wearing tight-fitting pants because they’re “distracting to teenage boys,” Uh, with all due respect, almost everything, including girls, is distracting to teenage boys.

-

Joint joke with my friend Alex Kaseberg:    As the Masters began, many eyes  are on 14 year old Chinese golfer Guan Tianlang. Wonder if he’s a retired factory worker?

-

So why aren’t those opposed to background checks for buying guns also opposed to driver’s license exams? After all, cars don’t kill people, people kill people.

-

So how has it gotten to the point that it is now considered a major victory, not to have legislation passed, but even to get it debated and voted on in Congress?

-

From T.C.   “North Korea is moving a missile supposedly capable of striking the US mainland to their east coast. Satellite surveillance confirms the weapon is being transported via rail. The good news is, there is no sign of the gigantic rubber band that will be needed to launch it.”

-

Actually,  if Kim Jong Un is such a basketball fan, maybe we should send Shaquille O”Neal over to follow Dennis Rodman.   Maybe Shaq can give those aiming the missile some of his famous free throw shooting tips.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

Tear down those nets.

April 8, 2013

Stirring run by Louisville after Kevin Ware’s horrific injury. But as cutthroat as college basketball has become, have to wonder, is there a D1 coach out there thinking “Hmm, how do I draft a high school star with brittle bones?”

-

Now that the NCAA men’s tournament is over, fans of high-level amateur basketball will just have to be content with a few more games from the Lakers.

-

Wonder if Michigan coach John Beilein used magic markers on the hands of his players tonight to help them keep track of the number of remaining timeouts?

-

Over-under on the number of Division 1 college teams burning practice videos this week?

-

Dennis #Rodman was fired last night from #CelebrityApprentice.” Let’s hope no one tells his “friend for life” Kim Jong Un.

-

In Tennessee, a 4-year-old who picked up a sheriff deputy’s gun at a family BBQ allegedly shot and killed the man’s wife. An Tennessee Bureau of Investigations spokesman said it appears accidental at this time.” Ya think?

-

Metta World Peace said he will start Tuesday night for the Los Angeles Lakers, just 12 days after knee surgery. Well, it’s not like World Peace needs to save himself for the playoffs.

-

Damn, Annette Funicello has died. She was 70. And millions of baby boomers suddenly feel very old.

-

Just thinking, before Sesame Street, how many people remember “M-I-C (see you real soon) -K-E-Y (why, because we like you) M-O-U-S-E” as the first words they learned to spell?

-

Thieves in Germany apparently stole 5.5 tons of Nutella chocolate-hazelnut spread from a truck last weekend. Wonder if this followed a marijuana heist nearby. Talk about a sticky situation.

-

The NY Jets are forcing unhappy CB Darrell Revis to show up to “voluntary” workouts while they try to trade him. Meanwhile, QB Tim Tebow will voluntarily show up if he hasn’t been cut. New York sure doesn’t need Barnum and Bailey to have a circus in town.

-

Monday was the home opener for the Chicago Cubs. Who made masochism fashionable a century before “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

-

Former Sen. Rick Santorum said today that the GOP must stay opposed to gay marriage to avert political suicide. Santorum also maintained his support for changing the symbol of the Republican party from an elephant to a lemming.

(or as my friend Michael D. says, a passenger pigeon)

-

Why even in the 21st century, grammar and punctuation still matter: #Nowthatchersdead set off a number of rumors today that Cher had died. (#Youhaventseenthelastofme)

 

-New Indians’ manager Terry Francona got lost Monday making the two-block walk from his Cleveland apartment to Progressive field for the home opener against the Yankees. Unfortunately for Francona, a team employee got him there in time to see the Indians lose 11-6.

(Francona may also be thinking, “that’s the last time I use a old beer-stained map from Josh Beckett.)

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

One or two touchdowns?

April 8, 2013

All these scores Sunday – NY wins 7-0,   Cleveland wins 13-0,   Boston wins 13-0,  St. Louis wins 14-3…. Did someone start the NFL preseason early and not tell me?

-

Price – rocked, Strasburg – rocked, Hamels – rocked, Cain – rocked, Dickey – rocked, Verlander – , not great. So will today’s MLB headline be “Aces in the Hole?”

-

Headline in Los Angeles Times – “Clippers sweep Lakers. Clinch division title.” Good thing the Tonight Show is moving to New York. This may have killed half their jokewriters.-

-

My friend Darren reported  tonight “So the fans in Texas are chanting “Take a drink” @ Josh Hamilton”  Stay classy Texas fans, stay classy!!

Am afraid fans in Dallas are proving Hamilton’s point about it not being a baseball town. (Either that or they think they are in Philadelphia.)

-

Barry Bonds is never at major SF Giants events like today’s ring ceremony, probably in part because the Giants don’t want reminders of the taint of cheating. So always a bit ironic to see Gaylord Perry. -

-

Sen. John McCain doesn’t get the filibuster threat from other Republicans a bill for gun background checks. “I don’t understand it. The purpose of the United States Senate is to debate and to vote and to let the people know where we stand.” Sigh. If McCain really believes that is still the case, maybe he IS getting senile.

-

Kathy  Griffin’s show was cancelled. Shocking! Kathy Griffin had a show?

 

-

Dumb and dumber. Those leaked Rutgers tapes of Mike Rice in practice weren’t made surreptitiously, Rice himself had the practices filmed. (So much for that “always act like you know there’s a camera watching” theory of life.)

 

-

A New York City councilwoman wants to make it a crime to buy fake designer purses. Forget the soda ban, this is the law that could get women banded together in serious bipartisan outrage.

 

-

Conn. Gov. Dannel Malloy said of the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre and his opposition to the state’s strict new gun laws – “He reminds me of the clowns at the circus.” No doubt there will be swift calls for an apology, from clowns.

 

-Condoleezza Rice played Augusta National today with Phil Mickelson. Was this the closest Condi’s been to a Lefty?

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Final two.

April 6, 2013

Now that #Michigan is in #NCAA championship, over-under on number of times we’ll see #ChrisWebber’s 1993 attempted timeout before Monday?

-

If Louisville wins thinking Rick Pitino’s wife is about as likely to let him go out without her for a celebratory dinner as Kobe Bryant’s wife is to let him order room service.

 

(short version for those saying “what?” – Pitino,  married since 1976,  was involved in an 2009 extortion trial with a woman he admitted meeting in a Louisville restaurant in 2003 ,  and having sex with in the bathroom. He also admitted giving her $3000 for an abortion.  But that story somehow hasn’t made CBS’s weekend’s narrative..)

 

A 18-pound tortoise named Cashew who disappeared from a museum in Dubuque, Iowa, was found alive and in good health two days later in a building elevator. Officials believe the tortoise was stolen and then returned. Which would be easier to explain than her just having run away.

-

A rate Honus Wagner baseball card just sold for $2.1 million. What’s crazier, the price for a single card, or the fact that these days $2.1 million might get you a mediocre middle reliever?

-

A 22-year-old Oklahoma mom was arrested for allegedly trying to sell her 2-year old and 10-month old kids on Facebook. What kind of monster tries to sell little children? Teenagers, well, okay that makes sense.

(My friend Abbe Nelson says says you get better prices for kids on Ebay..  And Michael M. adds “More sad tales of the demise of newspapers. Once upon a time, it was very easy to sell small children through classifieds.”)

 

Is there a worse invention in college basketball than the possession arrow? Seriously. How hard is it to learn how to throw up a basketball for a jump ball?

-

Free-agent DB Charles Woodson, 36, says no NFL teams have offered him a contract because they think he’s too old. Shame Woodson didn’t take up baseball instead of football. He’s almost old enough to be signed by the Yankees.

 

-

Not a Rick Warren fan but very sad to hear his report his son shot himself: “Today, after a fun evening together with Kay and me, in a momentary wave of despair at his home, he took his life.” Without a gun a “momentary wave of despair” might not have been fatal.

-

CNN reports North Korea has told diplomats it cannot guarantee their safety if war breaks out but is encouraging tour groups to stay. Well, at least daredevils now have a scarier vacation option than a Carnival cruise.

 

Oops. The NY Post reports that Yankees fans who google “Yankees box office phone number” will find a number for a phone sex line. Well, some (male) fans may decide the new number provides more value for money.

-

Santa Clara beat George Mason 80-77 for the College Basketball Invitational title. So do schools raise a CBI banner?

-

There’s always a silver lining for someone.   Mike Rice and company at Rutgers at least have meant that Chris Christie and Snooki are off the hook  as the top New Jersey punchlines.

-

John Lackey  exited his first start of the year with an arm injury. He had signed an $82 million, 5 year contract with the Red Sox in 2009. Who’d a thunk then that Barry Zito’s 7 year $126 million 2006 contract might look like the better deal?

 

Another thought on the whole Obama-Kamala Harris mountain of a molehill:   So where’s the outrage when someone suggests a male politician is good looking?

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Hitless and witless wonders?

April 5, 2013

SF Giants are 3-1. Despite having fewer team RBI’s than the Orioles’ Chris Davis.

-

It’s an axiom that there’s no such thing as bad publicity. But a week ago, most people didn’t even know Rutgers had a men’s basketball team.

Two most common reactions around the NCAA to the Rutgers basketball scandal. 1. That’s awful, how could they allow this to happen? 2. Burn the tapes.

-

Anyone but me find it a little ironic that ESPN is talking about Mike Rice and then switching to a Final Four preview featuring Bobby Knight?

-

Powerball tickets will be sold in California on Monday. All this uproar about taxation and no one complains about another stupidity tax.

-

The city of Chicago and Cubs owners are apparently close to a $500 million deal to renovate Wrigley Field. Many Chicagoans wish the team would spend $500 million to renovate the Cubs.

-

Brendon Ayanbadejo told the Baltimore Sun there are four current NFL players who are considering coming out as gay together. So are they working on coordinating outfits?

-

Pretty dominating performance by Barry Zito today. Especially considered that even Jamie Moyer was thinking “dude is throwing SLOW.”

From my friend Max McDuh watching today’s  SF Giants game with St. Louis Cardinals broadcasters.  In the middle innings the play by play asked color guy: “Third time through against Zito, what advice would you give Cardinals hitters?”

“Close your eyes, count to three, open your eyes again, pick up the ball and swing.”

-

Democratic Senators Heidi Heitkamp (N.D.) and Joe Donnelly (Ind.), announced their support for gay marriage. Good news for those who have Mark Pryor (Ark.), Joe Manchin (W.Va.), Mary Landrieu (La.) or Tim Johnson (S.D.) in the pool.

-

The $240 million New York Yankees are 1 and 3. With this kind of money to performance ratio they could be renamed the New York Congress.

-

A NY judge overturned a 2011 FDA decision to require a prescription for the morning after pill for girls under 17, saying it must be available to people of any age. Some are decrying this loss of parental control. Thinking if a girl needs the pill, she’s a bit past that point.

-

So let’s see, the 2010 BCS Champion Auburn Tigers allegedly had 12 players fail tests for synthetic marijuana, some had their grades changed, and others were paid not to have left early for the NFL draft. Other than that, Auburn appears to have been running a clean program.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

If a coach yells in the forest…

April 4, 2013

With no one to record him, is he still fired?

-

Many unfortunate lessons from the Mike Rice fiasco at Rutgers. And while his actions were inexcusable, have to wonder, how was the now ex-coach stupid enough to think you now can do ANYTHING around other people without someone having at least a camera phone.

-

The #Nike ad said “Winning takes care of everything.” Mike Rice’s record at #Rutgers was 44-51.

-

What’s a bigger surprise?  That Barry Zito is pitching the  SF Giants home opener?  Or that SF fans are happy about it.

-

A fun stat for SF Bay Area friends from my friend Hartley Miller: Sharks/Warriors/Giants/A’s won Wednesday, 1st time all 4 Bay Area teams won on same day since April 18, 2007

-

In a recent survey, 52% of Americans said they were in favor of legalizing marijuana. Which is impressive considering that most regular pot users’ response was “uh, what was the question again?”

-

Quote of the year from an NBA player: Shane Battier, when asked whether a Griner NBA tryout would be positive for women athletes or if it would be seen merely as an attention-grabbing sideshow. “Listen, this whole (NBA) is a sideshow, what’s one more trailer?”

-

Fast food workers in New York City are going on strike. Wonder how long it will take Mayor Bloomberg to step in, and see if he can keep it going for a few years.

-

San Jose’s mayor says he thinks it’s time for him to meet with MLB commission Bud Selig about the A’s proposed move. Wonder how long it will take Selig to come up with a Blue Ribbon committee to look into a meeting.

-

Forget PED’s. Maybe NFL teams should focus on Twitter control: Buffalo Bills’ WR Stevie Johnson “‘War is nothing to be played with. I apologize North Korea …. but if ya’ll do bomb 1st… Bomb Foxboro, Mass. Sincerely, #BillsMafia’”

-

Former California Lt. Gov Abel Maldonado says he will run for Calif. Gov against Jerry Brown in 2014. Using strategists who worked on presidential campaign for John McCain and Jon Huntsman, and the advertising consultant who worked for Carly Fiorina. And those campaigns all worked out so well…..

-

Talking with a Canadian friend – realized I could go buy a gun at Walmart here in the U.S., but they wouldn’t sell me .222s (Aspirin with caffeine and codeine, nonprescription in Canada.) What a country.

-

Cardinals Pro Bowl LB Cardinals Daryl Washington has been suspended the first 4 games of 2013 for violating the league’s substance abuse policy. Which means he’ll be back in time to earn another Pro Bowl spot this year. Yeah, that’ll teach him.

-

So in heaven tonight, Siskel and Ebert, two thumbs back up?

-

Oscar Pistorius’s uncle Arnold says that his family encouraged him to get back onto the track to help stabilize him emotionally… We believe it is a vital step in helping him deal with the trauma.” Even O.J. Simpson is thinking ‘Have you no shame?”

-

The Chicago Cubs are in first place. Is this a sign of the apocalypse?

-

The report is that during their 2011, Auburn altered grades from players in some classes to keep them eligible. When asked about it several former players allegedly responded “grades? “classes?”

-

Some are upset because today after President Obama praised Kamala Harris as “brilliant and dedicated and tough… and the best-looking attorney general in the country.” So, okay, maybe he should have picked Beau Biden?

(But seriously, really folks?  Obama didn’t make any comments about Harris’ figure, and he didn’t go on about it like Brent Musberger, and he didn’t just compliment her looks.   ( For that matter he didn’t give her a neck rub.)   Just get the sense we need to loosen up a bit.  IMHO )

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

161 to go.

April 1, 2013

Bryce Harper is on pace for 324 home runs!

-

Silver lining in today’s game for SF Giants’ fans? If Clayton Kershaw is going to be the Dodgers’ power hitter on top of being their ace, it’s going to take Los Angeles $250 million to sign him long term…..

-

Red Sox 8, Yankees 2. Wonder who George Steinbrenner would have fired by now.

(with an assist from my friend Tony Alan Banks.  You have to wonder if somewhere in the afterlife, Steinbrenner fired Billy Martin just out of habit.)

-

Sandy Koufax looked good throwing out the ceremonial first pitch for the Los Angeles Dodgers.   Wonder how long it will take the Yankees to offer him a pitching contract.

-

The University of Kentucky has announced that freshman guard Archie Goodwin is leaving early for the NBA. Guess he wants to parlay leading his team all the way to the first round of the NIT into big $$$.

-

Jon Stewart really slamming #NBC tonight on the Daily Show. So is Stewart also auditioning for Jay  Leno’s job?

-

Lindsay Lohan will be a guest on the “Late Show with David Letterman” next week. Sure hope the show insisted on sending a car and driver.

-

Apparently police had to be called at a Seattle zoo’s Easter Egg Hunt when two mothers began fighting. Reportedly after one reportedly pushed a child aside to make it easier for her own child to get some eggs. Shocking. Parent violence at an Easter Egg Hunt?! Now, we’d expect it for opening day of Little League.

-

Unclear on the concept – Lindsay Lohan has reportedly told her lawyers that she’ll only enter lockdown rehab if she’s allowed to take her Adderall prescription with her…..

-

Well, at least there’s a Pac 12 team in the Women’s Final Four. Now if the #Cal Bears can just knock off UConn and Geno Auriemma in New Orleans all of Stanford might root for them.

-

USC has hired UFGC’s Andy Enfield as their next men’s basketball coach. Guess Enfield couldn’t turn the deal down, over $1 million a year plus every March off.

-

Glee’s Cory Monteith has voluntarily checked into a rehabilitation center to address substance addiction issues. Some would say such issues were caused by watching his own show.

-

From Bill Littlejohn:  As we approach the Masters, Tiger Woods has reclaimed his No. 1 ranking and is well on his way to being the Tiger of old. In fact, insiders are predicting a Lindsey Vonn ski pole to his Escalade by Christmas.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

Happy Easter

March 31, 2013

And remember, love may fade, but Marshmallow Peeps are forever.

 

All this talk about Buster Posey being a San Francisco Giant for life….But it’s an 8 year contract! Posey will be 34 when it’s over. Making him almost old enough to play for the New York Yankees.

-

 

The Seattle Seahawks’ Chris Clemons said he’s not homophobic but it would be selfish for an NFL player to come out, since one’s sexuality should be left “at home.” Right, based on that long tradition of men not talking about sex and women in locker rooms…..

-

Many Stanford women’s basketball fans were unhappy when President Obama said that their team would lose to Cal in the NCAA Tournament. And as it turns out, Obama WAS wrong….

-

Some are talking about lowering the baskets for women’s basketball to increase scoring. After watching a few rounds of NCAA’s thinking maybe we need to do that for  the college men too.

-

UCLA has hired Steve Alford as their new men’s basketball coach. Which means Bruins fans can look forward in 2014 to another weekend in the NCAA tournament.

 

The Yankees’ Andy Pettitte says he expects to be in the World Series. Is    Pettite angling for a trade already?

 

-

 

The National Zoo has artificially inseminated their female panda. Waiting for the first conservative politician to say it’s another example of Obama showing disrespect for traditional panda marriage.

-

 

-

The under-over in Las Vegas for complete games in MLB this season by ANY pitcher in 2013 is 6 1/2. For the entire season. The Detroit Tigers’ Mickey Lolich had 29 complete games in 1971.

 

-

Well, he’s a douchebag but a creative douchebag. A 61 year old Virginia man, angry that his girlfriend had broken up with him, was arrested after he allegedly placed a fake Craigslist ad with her picture and address saying she was a “senior lady” looking for casual sex.

-

TSA has decided just to suspend 17 employees at Newark who were originally going to be fired “because it was determined that they did not ‘intentionally’ violate procedures associated with checked baggage screening.” Well, it’s not like they messed up on anything important…..

-

Michael Steinberg, a NY hedge fund executive, was arrested at his Park Ave apartment today on charges to conspiracy and securities fraud.

Steinberg’s lawyer said “he did absolutely nothing wrong.”   Of course, it’s probably the fault of all the profiling police do of hedge fund executives.

 

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Another #1 bites the dust…

March 28, 2013

In this case,  Indiana.     Bobby Knight had better aim with his chairs than the Hoosiers had with some of their shots tonight.

 

The Patriots’ Rob Gronkowski said today he would be accepting of a gay teammate. Good for him. But why is this harder for players than, for example, accepting a teammate who is a rapist.

-

Best thing about tonight’s mostly lopsided Sweet Sixteen games… realizing we are only 3 days from MLB opening day.

 

-

Johan Santana’s 2013 Mets’ season is probably over with a shoulder injury. Should we declare him an honorary NY Yankee?

-

The NBA has said, “Oops, Kobe Bryant really did foul Ricky Rubio” – on Rubio’s last second shot that might have tied the game. Not that it affects the Lakers’ 120-117 win over the T’wolves. And it’s not as if the league has any rea$on to want Lo$ Angele$ in the playoff$…..

-

Tiffany’s has just come out with a new collection of World Champion SF Giants memorabilia. This opposed to World Champion Cubs memorabilia which is in their “archaeology” collection.

-

A Cosmopolitan article says the three words men most don’t want to hear from a woman is “I look fat.” Uh, I would say those three are at best a distant second to “Can we talk?”

-

How new is the University of Florida Gulf Coast? Their oldest alums are 37. Wow. That’s too young to play for the NY Yankees.

-

United Airlines is now offering their Mileage Plus members a free one year membership in AARP. Wonder if they are offering the same deal to some of their flight attendants?

-

Three New Jersey men in were arrested for smoking marijuana New Jersey – in the parking lot of a police barracks. Can’t imagine how pot gets the reputation of messing with your short-term memory.

-

Mitt Romney says he doesn’t miss the campaign trail, saying “I like the life of being an American citizen. It’s good to live a normal life again.” Wonder if after Mitt said this he got in his private plane to head to one of his vacation homes for the weekend?

 

-

New York starting pitcher Phil Hughes has officially been placed on the disabled list for opening day. Looking like this year’s Yankee theme song will be “Another One Bites The Dust.”

-

Due to a number of accidents including a refinery fire, the Chevron’s board has cut CEO John Watson’s bonus and stock options by 10-20%. In 2011, Watson made $24.7 million. Gosh, how will he feed his family?

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

Shades of red?

March 27, 2013

So are color-blind people wondering why Facebook suddenly has all these green rectangles?

-

27 in a row without losing. Well, it was a nice streak for the #MiamiHeat. Curiously enough that’s probably the same streak Tiger Woods had with waitresses.

-

Poster held by a man in support of gay marriage  “If Liza Minnelli can marry two gay men why can’t I marry one?”

Guess it would be un-PC to suggest that Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes could also both marry a gay man.

-

Former USC star Matt Barkley apparently had a good day throwing in front of NFL scouts. So looks like NFL fans will get a chance to be disappointed by another Trojan quarterback.

-

From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:   “A report claims a gay NFL player is considering coming out, but he is concerned about the reaction from homophobic fans. The NFL fans should be fine with a gay player. This is a sport with skin-tight pants, shoulder pads, tight-ends, eye-makeup, touchdown dances and stylish headwear.”

-

The Scottish government has decided to ignore threats from Donald Trump and build 11 giant wind turbines off their east coast. Trump says they will spoil the view from his new golf course. But maybe he’s really worried that the turbines will blow away the furry thing that lives on his head.

-

Phil Jackson is now on Twitter. Guess he decided in view of California’s environmental laws to switch from smoke signals.

-

Kay Hagan of North Carolina is the latest senator to announce her support for gay marriage. Will the last Democrat to decide to join the party please turn on the light for the GOP senators left in the dark?

-

-

Metta World Peace is the latest Los Angeles Lakers player to be injured, and will miss at least six weeks with knee surgery. It’s not just disappointing their fans, this year’s Lakers are really adding to taxpayer costs for Medicare.

-

Tim McCarver says he will retire from the broadcast booth after calling this year’s World Series. And across America, folks are thinking, why wait so long, enjoy the summer with your family….

-

Actress Jessica Brown Findlay (Lady Sybil on Downton Abbey) said in an interview she regrets going topless in 2011 movie “Albatross.” In related news, downloads of the movie “Albatross” have increased 1000%.

-

So one issue with same-sex marriage for some is the fact that gay couples can’t “naturally” procreate. Anyone but me hoping that at least a few gay children have been born to the Duggars?

-

Stanford football coach David Shaw says that one thing he looks for in a recruit is a good vocabulary. SEC coaches respond that they are raising their own standards, and now have a few recruits who can spell “vocabulary.”

-

Really? Boston College is demanding an end to student-run “Safe Sites”, where students distribute condoms out of their dorm rooms, saying it’s a “violation of the school’s Roman Catholic values.” Thinking at the point of going to a “Safe Site”, condoms would result in the least possible Catholic “values” being violated.

Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

You know you’re old when…

March 26, 2013

You think of showing your support for something with a bumper sticker, instead of changing your profile picture.

-

As the internet buzzes with the possibility of an active NFL player coming out, remember Willie Mays, asked at the age of 80 if MLB was ready for an openly gay player. His response “Can he hit?”

-

Apparently in oral arguments,  Supreme Court justices Scalia and Alito were asking question related to the statement “We don’t know the effects of same sex parenting on children.” Uh, could it be any worse, than say the effects of heterosexual parenting, with say, Dina Lohan or Kris Jenner?

-

If all gay weddings required a 21-gun salute, would more Republicans be in favor of allowing them?

-

A man  has won $8,000 in a lawsuit from Disneyland after he was trapped in the “It’s a Small World” ride for more than 30 minutes. Had he been stuck for much longer it might have been a violation of the Geneva convention.

-

Nike has started another controversy with a new ad showing Tiger Woods lining up a putt behind the slogan, “Winning takes care of everything.” Well, at least the ad is honest.

-

Not sure how Lindsay Vonn and Tiger Woods celebrated his regaining the world #1 ranking. Guessing she didn’t send him out to pick up take-out pancakes.

-

So all this excitement over the same sex marriage debate, then no ruling until June. It’s as if we had the early rounds of March Madness now, and then the Final Four after the NBA finals.

-

President Obama is planning to appoint Julia Pierson as the first female director of the U.S. Secret Service. Well that’s one way to avoid Columbian prostitute scandals.

-

There’s always a silver lining. Manti Te’o has to be thrilled in some ways that the headlines now are mostly just about his disappointing 40 yard dash times. (4.71 .)

-

One of Justin Bieber’s neighbors has accused the singer of battery following an argument over loud parties? Really, just how desperate for money do you have to be go to down in history as the punchline who claims to have been smacked down by Bieber?

-

Kanye West reportedly wants to call his new album “I am God.” Who knew, Kim Kardashian might end up being the more responsible parent?

-

Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar, with 19 children, say they are open to the idea of the idea of adoption. Many think they should have started adopting about 14-15 children ago.

(Pete Brody says maybe they can adopt octomoms 14 and they can have a rolling rock 33)

-

.

Glenn Beck is now saying that the Muslim Brotherhood is behind the ethics investigation of Michele Bachmann, because of her efforts against radical Islam. Forget welfare recipients, maybe it’s time to drug-test media hosts..

-

From T.C.  “Dionne Warwick owes $10 Million in back taxes. The IRS left her a singing message on her voicemail, “Do you know the way to San Quentin?””

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 157 other followers