Archive for the ‘political jokes’ category

The gangs that couldn’t shoot, period.

December 4, 2013

The San Antonio Spurs and Minnesota Timberwolves were to play a game in Mexico City Wednesday night,  but the arena was evacuated before tipoff because of smoke inside the arena. This would never happen if the Knicks and Nets were playing. Neither team is hot enough to generate smoke.

 

 

The Knicks and Nets are playing Thursday night. Do NBA rules require that someone really has to win?

 

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Carmelo Anthony says the NY Knicks are the “laughingstock of the league” right now. And the Milwaukee Bucks are thinking “Who are we, chopped liver?”

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The Raptors blew a 27 point third-quarter lead last night in losing to the Golden State Warriors. It was the most embarrassing thing to happen to Toronto recently not involving Rob Ford.

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Krispy Kreme shares fell 20% yesterday after disappointing earnings. Maybe analysts got a little too over-optimistic with those new marijuana legalization laws.

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Steelers coach Mike Tomlin has been fined $100,000 for his sideline interference with Jacoby Jones. Hmm, sounds like Tomlin could have saved $50,000 by just spilling a drink on him.

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West may have their wedding at the Palace of Versailles.    Thinking of what happened to the couple who last used the place…   And just guessing the Kim and Kanye weren’t big history students?

(maybe they’ll be married in the Petit Trianon. With lots of cake?)

 

 

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Scientists are working on developing an artificial heart without a pulse. Big deal. Dick Cheney has lived 72 years having a pulse without a heart.

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Willie Meggs, the State Attorney handling the sexual assault investigation of Florida State QB Jameis Winston said he will announce the investigation results tomorrow at 2 pm. Meggs added that the investigation was “not based on a football schedule or anyone else’s calendar.” And he said it with a straight face.

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San Francisco area news stations are making much of the fact that the weather is expected to be near freezing tonight. And on the East Coast they are thinking “Just STFU.”

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From Alex Kaseberg:  “Dennis Rodman has launched his own line of vodka. Which is pretty much like a fire launching its own line of gasoline.”

Random thoughts

November 14, 2013

A thought about all these stores opening Thanksgiving night. Let’s see…take millions of Americans, add family stress, plus alcohol, and put them on the road to the mall. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

 

Random baseball  thought, none of the 2014 CY Young nor MVP winners played in the World Series. Coincidence? Or is there something about having a superstar on the team that makes others feel less urgency about performing?

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Chris Brown checked out of rehab, about two weeks after he checked in following his latest arrest in Washington, D.C. Too soon to start a pool on the next “incident?”

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In a recent poll, Congress was viewed less favorably than hemorrhoids or toenail fungus. Well, makes sense. There are cures for hemorrhoids and toenail fungus.

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MLB owners today approved funding to expand instant replay in 2014. You know what this means – beer prices are going up.

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Apparently the $10 million annual jeweled “Fantasy Bra” created by Victoria’s Secret isn’t very comfortable. Uh, thinking anyone buying such a bra for a present wouldn’t expect it to stay on very long.

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A blind man was kicked off a US Airways flight because his service dog wouldn’t sit still for takeoff. The flight was then cancelled when so many other passengers protested. Wonder how many of them were protesting that airlines don’t do that with parents and children.

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Just when you think the Toronto mayor story can’t get any weirder. Today Rob Ford, denying an affair with a former staffer. “It says I wanted to eat her (fill in the blank) and I have never said that in my life to her. I would never do that. I’m happily married and I’ve got more than enough to eat at home.” Is Ford angling for a post with the Clinton Global Initiative.

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On thing about Toronto Mayor Rob Ford,  perhaps he puts to rest the image of Canadian politics being boring to rest once and for all.  (for those who don’t remember Pierre Trudeau.)

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Not sure how long this Rob Ford saga will continue. But if there’s a silver lining for anyone, at least the 2013-14 Maple Leafs are just about guaranteed not to be the biggest target of jokes in Toronto.

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A woman on a Southwest plane that made a rapid descent and then made a safe emergency landing at Raleigh-Durham airport, claims the pilot told passengers “We’re in trouble; we’re going down.’” No word on any possible compensation. But wonder if another carrier might have added a “thrill-ride” surcharge.

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Miami Dolphins guard Richie Incognito has now filed a grievance against the team over his suspension. This might be the biggest mess ever in Florida football not involving Urban Meyer..

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Once again proving that Twitter is a great way to prove you’re an idiot in only 140 characters: The Clippers’ Matt Barnes, DURING last night’s game, after he was ejected , tweeted, “I love my teammates like family, but I’m DONE standing up for these n—as! All this s— does is cost me money. …” The tweet was later deleted.

 

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Just a hunch that a year from now the GOP will be back to Benghazi as an anti-Obama theme. Because as much of a mess as the Obamacare rollout has been in some ways, is it that different than a lot of big high-tech rollouts? Or say, airline mergers? The biggest mistake made may have been the assumption this was going to be smooth from the get go.

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Bill Littlejohn:  USC coach Ed Orgeron’s handwritten thank-you letters to each member of the Trojan marching band defied school tradition–every word in each note was spelled correctly”

More than some assembly required.

November 14, 2013

Police in Sweden were called to a potential “domestic incident”, when a neighbor heard “banging and screaming.” It turned out to simply be a couple trying to assemble IKEA furniture. Although I have to wonder….how many domestic incidents have started over trying to assemble IKEA furniture.

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In San Francisco a Muni train left the station without an operator after the driver got out to check a door and forgot to set the emergency break. Well, it could have been worse.. could have happened to an airline pilot.

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The 9-0 Kansas City Chiefs said WR Dwayne Bowe, who was arrested for marijuana possession this week will start Sunday night against the Broncos. (Bowe is 2nd on the team in catches.) It’s all about that Golden Rule. Bring in the Gold, you don’t need to follow the Rules.

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Anyone else find it just a bit ironic that the party complaining about how all Obamacare policies must cover maternity, is the party that also usually makes a big show of being pro-life?

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The University of Florida president and AD have both expressed confidence in embattled coach Will Muschamp, despite the Gators 4-5 record. Well, they have about 15 million reasons, as Mushamp has five years left on his contract at an average salary of $2,928,791.

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The Secret Service is under investigation again for sexual misconduct, this time stemming from an alleged incident where a supervisor met a woman in the Hay-Adams hotel, and accidentally left a bullet in her D.C. hotel room. Former President Bill Clinton no doubt has already volunteered to investigate.

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Contradicting a statement he made after the 2012 election, John Boehner now says the House will not take up immigration reform this year, saying it’s “too complicated to rush.” So is the Speaker angling for a post-politics job of serving on one of Bud Selig’s “blue ribbon committees?”

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Mariah Carey on her American Idol experience with an unnamed co-judge. “It was like going to work every day in hell with Satan.” And somewhere Simon Cowell is thinking “Who am I, chopped liver?”

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Ben Roethlisberger, on Detroit Lions DTs Nadmukong Suh and Nick Fairley “You’ve got to be careful. You’ll end up dead if you’re not careful.” Suh’s response “I’m not a killer.. I guess I can take that somewhat as a compliment.” Wonder if he thought of adding “And I’m not a rapist either.”

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Lululemon founder Chip Wilson is apologizing for offending customers by saying their brand’s yoga pants just don’t work for “some women’s bodies.” Although no doubt Wilson is being secretly cheered by people who have been at restaurants, stores, etc where some of lululemon’s customers have proved his point.

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Toronto mayor Rob Ford’s latest admission, that he did purchase illegal drugs. Well, it could be worse, at least Ford didn’t get in a drunken stupor and text pictures of his junk.

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The Toronto City Council voted 37-5 to ask Mayor Rob Ford to take a leave of absence. Wow. Those 5 must really love to watch train wrecks.The Toronto City Council voted 37-5 to ask Mayor Rob Ford to take a leave of absence. Wow. Those 5 must really love to watch train wrecks.

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From Alex Kaseberg:  Toronto mayor, Rob Ford, admits to buying illegal drugs. Of course we Americans are shocked. A politician who paid for something out of their own pocket? Never happens here.

Not quite vetted.

November 12, 2013

Today was Veteran’s Day.  When we honor those who have served our country by going to the mall to buy stuff made in countries we have fought against.

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President Obama honored a 107 year old WWII veteran at a D.C. Veteran’s Day ceremony. Guess John McCain was unavailable?

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Downton Abbey has been renewed for a fifth season. Glad they have the $$$, or rather pounds. But since the fourth season started in Sept. in England and won’t start in the U.S. until Jan 5. 11 days after the season four finale, American fans are thinking, how much more to get us on the same schedule?

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Amazon is teaming up with the U.S. Postal Service to deliver packages on Sundays. Procrastinators of the world, rejoice!

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Proof, again, that God does have a twisted sense of humor: A white supremacist trying to establish an all-white enclave in North Dakota found out during the taping of the “Trisha Show” that he is 14% “sub-Saharan African.”

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Who’d a thunk a couple weeks ago looking at this Dolphins vs. Buccaneers game that Tampa Bay’s coach might be the one least considered to have totally lost is locker room.-

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And when the previously winless Buccaneers actually beat the Miami Dolphins tonight, did the 0-14 1976 Tampa Bay Bucs crack open a case of generic beer?

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Maybe it’s because I am a woman but somehow I’ve never thought female athletes were any less tough because they don’t threaten to kill each other in the locker room.

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Getting awfully tired of Facebook prompting “Where did you grow up.” This implies all of us on Facebook ARE grown up.
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The student body president of Oregon’s Northwest Christian University just came out – as an atheist. And sadly there are people who probably thought “well, at least he’s not gay.”
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McDonald’s is coming out with a new white chocolate mocha drink for the holiday season. Just the thing for those who’d rather drink the calories they get from a Big Mac.The Lakers announced that Steve Nash, 39, will miss at least two weeks with “nerve irritation.” ‘Nerve irritation?” What, as in “you punks are irritating my nerves, get off my court?”

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From T.C.   on the Red Sox’s top offseason targets: “Free agents Jacoby Ellsbury, Mike Napoli, Stephen Drew and the two guitarists from ZZ Top.”

Nerd party

November 8, 2013

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Big nerd party.  In Palo Alto.  And please note, the band is NOT on the field.  Guess they learned with the 1982 Big Game with John Elway.

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You do get the sense more than a few Stanford players got really tired of being referred to as “nice” and “soft” this week. #fearthetree

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Well, many expected the Stanford Oregon game would be a shutout at halftime. They were right.

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And before tonight, for anyone who was buying the b.s. narrative that Stanford football players are overly nice and soft, I have two words for you – “Richard Sherman.”

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The SF 49ers expect Aldon Smith to play Sunday against the Panthers, less than two weeks out of rehab and after both a DUI and being arrested on felony weapons charges earlier this year. I’m sure the fact that he is a star has NOTHING to do with it….

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The FDA is trying now eventually to remove all artificial trans fats – like shortening and margarine, out of the food supply, because they are too dangerous to people’s health. Vindication for all of us who never gave up butter!

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Steve Patterson, the new University of Texas AD, says he doesn’t expect major changes. And alums are thinking, well, we were kind of hoping the football team starts actually winning….

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Charming. Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland, the one who asked Dez Bryant if his mom was a prostitute, apparently that suggested that Jonathan Martin “punch” Incognito. And the New Orleans Saints are thinking “Hey at least we went after people who weren’t on our own team?”

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NY Yankees manager Joe Girardi says that Alex Rodriguez’s hearing is “complicating” things for the team this offseason. With all due respect, hasn’t A-Rod complicated things for the team since the day he arrived?

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The NY Times reports that CIA is paying AT&T more than $10 million per year for “limited access” to the company’s of phone records. Actually AT&T only was probably officially charging them $50,000 – the rest is overage charges.

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John Boehner will not bring ENDA to the House floor, because he “believes this legislation will increase frivolous litigation and cost American jobs.” Well, and if anyone is an expert on frivolity and costing American jobs, it’s the man who had Government workers stay home for 2 weeks over not voting on a spending bill..

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A California man went skydiving for the first time on his 100th birthday. Guess he wanted to wait until his great-grandchildren were old enough to cosign his liability waiver?

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From Gary Bachman  “The Chicago Cubs hired Padres bench coach Rick Renteria as their new manager. Renteria hopes this experience will someday enable him to land a job as a major league manager.”

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A new video has emerged showing Toronto Mayor Rob Ford in an apparent drunken rage threatening to “murder” someone and “poke his eyes out.”  This man doesn’t want to be mayor, he wants to join the Miami Dolphins.

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Roger Goodell had to be wishing for anything to change the NFL headlines this week with the Dolphins mess. So now we have Tony Dorsett along with other former stars announcing they have been diagnosed with CTE.

Can you hear me now?

November 4, 2013

In a recent survey, only 9.1% of men said they have ever paid for or received payment for sex, down from 17% in the 1990s. Which means either men have found alternatives to prostitution, or they think the NSA might be monitoring their phone calls.

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U.S. Rep Mike Michaud of Maine, who is running for Governor, announced Monday he’s gay. The coolest thing, it wasn’t even much of a national headline. #progress

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So why do stores have Christmas merchandise up as soon as Halloween is over? Presumably because people don’t buy much Thanksgiving merchandise.

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Just maybe a sign that we have too many lawyers? A sign on Starbucks’ Banana Pecan Walnut Cake: “These products may contain nuts and other allergens.”

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John Boehner says he opposes ENDA, which would prohibit discrimination against gay and lesbian employees in the workplace, saying it possibly could put a financial burden on businesses. Which means the bill may never see the House floor. Maybe supporters could get the speaker to put it to a vote if they added a provision prohibiting discrimination against orange people.

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Despite Nick Foles’ 7 TD performance against the Oakland Raiders, Eagles coach Chip Kelly will not name him the team’s #1 QB. Guess Kelly wants to see how Foles performs against a professional defense?

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Baja Fresh says they are celebrating “Men’s Health Month” with a coupon for free guacamole and chips with any order in November. Right, because nothing says “Men’s Health” like eating an entire order of guacamole and chips with your tacos or burritos.

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I admired Charlie Crist when he was a Republican, now he’s running for for Governor as a Democrat, with the slogan “Together, we can get Florida back to common sense.” And they say politicians don’t dream really big anymore.

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In California, the Tea Party’s Tim Donnelly will announce his run for Governor tomorrow. And Jerry Brown is thinking “Christmas is coming early.”

(Donnelly btw, originally founded the Minutemen Party in California, and was caught last year at TSA with a gun in his carry-on.  For which he did not have a permit…)

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A Michigan woman who dressed up as a Boston Marathon bombing victim on Halloween, posted the picture online and wore it TO WORK, has apparently lost her job. Presumably not just for her tastelessness but her stupidity.

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Another day, another QB injury, this time Aaron Rodgers…. And yes, Tim Tebow, apparently you ARE chopped liver.

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So we may not ever know exactly what happened, but now the Miami Dolphins have suspended guard Richie Incognito late Sunday over “misconduct”related to the treatment of teammate Jonathan Martin. Great, as if concussions aren’t enough, another reason not to want your kids to play football.

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Glad the Miami Dolphins finally took a belated stand against what appears to have been over-the-top behavior by Incognito. Scary thing, is that just as with the Saints and the bounty program, do we really think that football just had one bad actor?

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Keep thinking about this Richie Incognito case. If he was that abusive to a 300 lb teammate, how did he treat, for example, the women in his life?

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And while bullying isn’t really funny, couldn’t resist this from my Chicago-born friend Alex Kaseberg:  “Apparently bullying is not unusual in pro sports. Just in the World Series, the Boston Red Sox taunted the St.  Louis Cardinals from the dugout by saying they played like a bunch of Chicago Cubs.”

The mighty, fallen and almost fallen.

November 4, 2013

After today’s Nick Foles performance, Michael Vick has to be very glad the NFL doesn’t treat QB’s who no longer are top dog, the way he used to treat his pit bulls who were no longer top dog….

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Cowboys, at home, barely escape a 1-6 Vikings team. Going to go out on a limb here and say the 2014 Super Bowl winner is not going to come from the NFC East.

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Good thing the NFL doesn’t use strength of schedule in playoff seeding. Because a come-from-behind win at home against a winless team probably wouldn’t have earned the Seattle Seahawks any computer ranking points.

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You do think editors could have safely gone to bed last night having already posted the headline “Kenyans win NYC Marathon.”

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A 7 year-old Virginia boy wore a KKK costume for Halloween. His mom actually made the costume for him, said he understood the risk of wearing it, and that it’s a “family tradition.” What’s scarier, that these people breed, or that they can vote?

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Former Speaker of the House Jim Wright, 90, was denied a voter ID card because he only had a TCU faculty ID and an expired driver’s license. Sounds like the new Texas law is doing exactly what it’s supposed to be doing, making it harder for Democrats to vote.

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As Sarah Palin continues to make headlines, it’s enough to make you long for the days of comparative oblivion of failed running mates like Lloyd Bentsen and even by comparison Joe Lieberman and John Edwards.

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Embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford, seen on video apparently smoking crack, now is apologizing for being “hammered” in public. And Bill Clinton is thinking, “I got harassed for my definition of what ‘is’ is?”

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So the alleged LAX shooter, a young man who was apparently anti-government, is getting the best free government medical care now, and will have healthcare in prison for the rest of his life….

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Charlie Crist, the former Republican Governor of Florida, will on Monday formally announce his candidacy to run again for the job. As a Democrat. Some criticize him leaving the GOP. But thinking, Crist, a moderate, has to feel the GOP left him.

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From Gary Bachman  “Justin Bieber was allegedly seen sneaking out of a brothel in Brazil. With all the money Bieber makes, why would he feel the need to sell his body.”

 

Mitt Romney is now saying “They don’t come better than Chris Christie.”  Well, except Paul Ryan and all the others I put in front of Christie on my short list for a running mate.

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Mitt Romney left Ted Cruz off his list of electable Republicans in 2016. Well, if anyone knows about unelectable….

 

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Okay, creative readers,  this should be fun. Apparently Mitt Romney and his campaign internally referred to Chris Christie as “pufferfish.” Any guesses as to what nickname Christie might have for Romney?

Morning after of the nearly dead.

October 31, 2013

Scariest thing for many of us on Halloween. No more MLB baseball games this season. But only 104 days until pitchers and catchers report.

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In Mexico, November 1 is known as “Day of the Dead.”    In the U.S., it’s “National Half-Price Candy Day.”

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All the talk about Halloween being such an unhealthy holiday because of kids going out to get and eat bags full of candy.  So what’s the most popular pre-Trick-or-treating meal in the U.S?’    Pizza

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Google says they are “outraged” by alleged NSA snooping. They say if anyone is snooping on their customers it should be Google themselves.

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Some people say we have children as an excuse to buy toys at Christmas/Hanukkah. Looking at pictures today I’d say there’s an equally good chance some people have children just to come up with adorable Halloween costumes.

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Hallmark has changed an “ugly sweater” Christmas ornament they were selling from saying “Don we now our gay apparel,” to “Don we now our fun apparel.” Reportedly due to consumer backlash. But was it homophobic backlash, or backlash from gays who said they would never be caught dead in an ugly sweater?

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Dell Computers is admitting that some of its new laptops smell like a cat litter box. Are they sure it’s the machine and not the latest version of Windows.

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An NFL game ended Thursday night in overtime on a safety? That’s almost as unbelievable as a baseball game ending on an obstruction call.

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Kim Kardashian told Jay Leno her selfie in a skimpy swimsuit was her “big, like, middle finger to the world.” I thought the Kardashians themselves were a big middle finger to the world.,

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So the new FAA regulations say passengers will be able to use their cellphones on planes with the doors closed, but not for phone calls nor text or email. And of course all passengers will obey that directive….

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A number of media outlets are trying to make something out of the fact that Pamela Anderson cut her long blonde hair into a pixie cut. Perhaps they are oblivious to the fact that most men don’t pay attention to Pamela for her hair….?

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Now there’s medical marijuana for pets. So what’s the next product, cat and dog food flavored like Doritos?

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From T.C.  “Last night, the Red Sox won the World Series at home in Boston for the first time since 1918 vs the Cubs. Baseball fans were shocked, the Cubs were in a World Series?”

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From Bill Littlejohn   “O.J. Simpson can still vote in Florida while thousands of others can’t—-they’re hoping that some day he can find 2000′s ‘real voters’”

It’s over.

October 30, 2013

Okay, congratulations to the Boston Red Sox. But I think I speak for mothers everywhere when I say “Can you shave now?

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Everyone’s happy in Boston tonight. Well, except scalpers who had game seven tickets.

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Will Tim McCarver’s next act be telling Americans how much more he knows about retirement than any of us?

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Although the Red Sox were World Series champions in 2004 and 2007, fans in Boston are talking about what a historic occasion this is because the team hasn’t won the Series clincher AT HOME since 1918. And Cubs fans are thinking “Just STFU.”

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Thinking if the Angels’ Mike Scioscia had pitched to Barry Bonds like the Cardinals’ Mike Matheny pitched to David Ortiz, the SF Giants would have a third trophy with little flags at A T & Park.

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The World Series beat MNF in the ratings. Which could be a sign that Americans really do consider baseball the national pastime. Or that most of us don’t give a damn about the Seahawks and Rams.

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Bob Barker is returning to the “Price is Right” for his 90th birthday. It will be like he never left. Especially for Bob himself, who probably won’t remember leaving.

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The Miami Dolphins had to fix their cheerleader web site yesterday because it was sending mobile users to a pornography site. Presumably they noticed the problem when traffic to the cheerleader site went up 1000%?

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London archaeologists just unearthed a Roman eagle statue that they believe dates from the 1st or 2nd century. Apparently the sculpture hasn’t been seen since it was featured on an early episode of “Larry King Live.”

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A Wisconsin man was arrested after coming home drunk from a Halloween Party and dangling a child upside down from an overpass. Presume he was dressed up as Michael Jackson?

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Kanye West, referring to Kim’s near-nude swimsuit selfie, “Michelle Obama cannot Instagram a pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day.” “What an a**hole,” said most politicians on both sides of the aisle. “Uh, I’m willing to  chair the investigation of  this picture,” said Bill Clinton.

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The last funeral home in Palo Alto, California is closing tomorrow and the property has been bought by Yahoo’s Marissa Mayer. Insert Yahoo Mail joke here:

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A Fargo, N.D. woman named “Cheryl,” told a local radio station that when “fat” kids come by, instead of candy on Halloween she’ll hand out letters saying “Your child is, in my opinion, moderately obese and should not be consuming sugar and treats.” Why do I feel confident “Cheryl” is single?

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Apparently in Denver authorities dealing with legalized marijuana are grappling with some who are okay with the law, but object to the smell. So they are trying to regulate smoking in open areas. Maybe when Denver figures it out they can pass the same laws about perfume.

Fat lady singing?

October 27, 2013

The way these World Series endings are going,  the fat lady won’t sing, she’ll slip on a banana peel.

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So what will end tomorrow’s World Series game? A wild pitch, a balk, batting out of order?

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So did the #Cardinals and #RedSox sign a secret contract promising at least one brain freeze per #WorldSeries game?

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The theme of this year’s World Series? “It’s a simple game, you throw the ball you hit the ball, sometimes you catch the ball.”

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The NY Jets have had a few weeks without a quarterback circus. Break time is apparently over.

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Just how bad is the NFL Least? The 2-6 NY Giants are only two games out of first.

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So much for another BCS title game between two SEC teams. It’s not even November and the conference only has one undefeated team and two one-loss teams left. Wonder if they’ve asked the NCAA about starting the playoff system a year early.

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Chris Brown was arrested this morning for felony assault. So congratulations to all those who had October 27 in the pool.

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Well, for all those tired of discussing football’s “push” rule ad infinitum, now we can discuss baseball’s obstruction rule ad infinitum….

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A man was arrested yesterday at JFK Airport for checking three illegal weapons plus a loaded rifle in his luggage. On top of a fifth gun that was legal. Wonder if the airline refunded his baggage fee.

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How ugly are the Red Sox playoff beards? Parents of teenagers and college students may be so relieved their children aren’t emulating the players that their reaction to another way of standing out might be “Oh, it’s only a tattoo.”

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Dick Cheney is predicting his daughter Liz will unseat Mike Enzi, the sitting GOP Wyoming senator in next year’s primary. “The fact of the matter is, Washington is not going to elect the next senator from Wyoming, the people of Wyoming will elect the senator.” Interesting choice of words considering Liz Cheney just moved to Jackson Hole from a D.C. suburb last year.

Rule Britannia?

October 24, 2013

The NFL keeps increasing the number of games in London in hopes of basing a team there someday. Might not be as hard to get players to move to England as the league might think – the country would have free healthcare for all their children and baby mamas.

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Apparently after Sam Bradford’s season-ending injury, the St. Louis Rams reached out to… Brett Favre. But the 44-year-old said that he really is retired now. “Couldn’t you have given it one more chance?” said every comedy writer in the country?

 

Alabama coach Nick Saban is complaining that Crimson Tide fans are leaving at halftime. Maybe it would help if the team scheduled opponents who would keep the game competitive after the first quarter.

 

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What’s scarier? That the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are now 0-7? Or that they probably aren’t the worst NFL team in Florida?

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Former Oregon Ducks TE Colt Lyerla, who left the team Oct 6 for what he said were “personal reason”, was arrested last night for cocaine possession. When he quit, Lyerla said that he “would pursue an NFL career.” Sounds like he’s well on his way to being league ready.

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Cal’s current football player graduation rate last in the conference and last among all BCS schools. Gosh, who’d a thunk the Bears would be the Pac 12 team to beat SEC teams at something?

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Where’s a good tornado when you need one? The Westboro Baptist Church plans to picket the World Series because Americans “worship the false idol of baseball.” Silly silly hateful bigots. Most Americans do not worship baseball. They worship football.

 

Apparently a breathalyzer test is being developed that will catch stoned drivers, as opposed to those might have just smoked the day before. Of course, it might be cheaper to just hold up a bag of Doritos, and see if the suspect snatches it from the officer’s hand.

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Why do I have a feeling this may be one of the understatements of the year. After Spirit Airlines delayed flights up to 12 hours for engine inspections, an airport spokesman said “there were several dozen people in Terminal 4 overnight. There were no arrests. Some did lose their tempers, but it was all worked out amicably.”

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Hope game 2 of the World Series is more competitive. The way they played last night the St. Louis Cardinals won’t be able plausibly to sell “game-used” gloves.

A STL minor league pitcher accused Boston pitcher Jon Lester of doctoring the ball, and pictures do show something in Lester’s glove, though the Cardinals never complained during the game. But come on, the Red Sox cheating? Just who would they have to think they are? The Patriots?

The average postseason baseball game has gone 3 hrs & 22 min. And fans of #Yankees #Redsox games are thinking, how do they play that fast?

 

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This Carlos Beltran is a pretty tough dude. If he were healthy all the way through 2011, would the SF Giants be sitting on a “three-peat?”

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Just maybe it is not a good idea to throw strikes to David Ortiz with runners on base in this postseason?

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For those who think I only pick on the SEC, Oregon and USC, this gem is from ASU via a friend ‘

“”I don’t know what that word is man. Arizona St. education, bro’. Break that one down for me.” Dustin Pedroia

What’s that? Oh, the word that confused him was “validity”.

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A couple was fined $250 each for having oral sex on a flight from Medford to Las Vegas. No word on how much the airline charged passengers for an entertainment fee.

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From BIll Littlejohn:

Marlins President David Samson predicts that his team will be playing October baseball next year.Boy, those Arizona Winter Leagues are starting earlier and earlier”
 

World not so Serious?

October 23, 2013

If the Boston Red Sox win the World Series will their MVP turn out to be the most famous beard since Katie Holmes?

 

Are the Cardinals trying to vie with the SF 49ers this week in appealing to British fans who normally follow soccer? This might explain the “no hands” defense.

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#SFGiants in the news: Team re-signs Lincecum and Kanye proposes to Kim at A T & T. Wonder which relationship will last longer.

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The World Series is supposed to be the best two teams in baseball playing each other? Tonight looks more like the baseball equivalent of one of those great SEC-cupcake matchups.

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And somewhere scattered across the U.S. Pirates and Dodgers players watched WS game 1, and thought “How the bleep did we lose to these guys?”

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Many Americans profess complete disinterest in the christening of Prince George, because they can’t imagine caring about someone who will only rule due to an accident of birth. They’d much prefer to speculate over whether Jeb Bush might run in 2016 against Hillary Clinton.

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The SF Giants aren’t saying exactly how much Kanye West paid to rent A T and T Park for his proposal. I’m just wondering, how many celebrity proposals and weddings will it take to pay for a power hitting left fielder?

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The NBA owners has decided to change their playoff Finals format from 2-3-2 to 2-2-1-1-1, with an extra day off between Games 6 and 7. Another small step on the way to making the Finals “The Summer Classic.”

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The Cleveland Browns are the latest NFL team to bench their starting QB for poor performance. And several others are barely hanging on. Starting to think maybe God really wants to see the return of Tim Tebow.

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You can’t make this “stuff” up dept: Three elementary children were treated for minor injuries sustained during a school safety demonstration in Southern California – the injuries apparently resulted from a panic when a police officer’s gun discharged.

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McDonald’s is rebranding ther “Dollar Menu” to the “Dollar Menu & More” items at $1, $2 and up to $5. Guess the chain is hoping Americans are as good at math as they are at making healthy food choices.

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Oops. A University of Iowa math T.A.meant to email students some math problem answers, but instead accidentally sent nude photos of herself and her boyfriend. Once again prompting millions of men to ask “where were these teachers when I was in college?”

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From Gary M.  “Apparently Kanye West proposed to Kim Kardashian Monday night at A T and T Park.  One of the few ‘locals’ to score at AT&T this year.

Doh – ritos

October 22, 2013

A new Gallup poll says 58% of Americans now support legalizing marijuana, the highest percentage ever. And no doubt that doesn’t count another 5-10% who responded, “uh, sure, maybe, I don’t know, what was that question again, man?

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n an effort to combat drug-trafficking, Uruguay will start selling legal marijuana for $1 a gram. In related news, expect travel agents soon to report a huge surge in vacation requests for Montevideo.

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Why punctuation and careful typing matters, sports version. A fan purchased a World Series ticket on Stubhub for $3.00 (plus a $3 service fee). After the seller apparently left out a comma and/or a couple zeros.

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Temperatures in Boston are supposed to dip down to near freezing Wednesday night for the opening of the World Series. Guess that’s why they call it the “Winter Classic.”

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The NFL continues their Europe marketing plan with SF-Jacksonsville in London this weekend. And the Brits are thinking “Okay, thanks for sending the 49ers over, don’t we get a second professional team?”

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Apparently Kanye West proposed to Kim Kardashian Monday night at A T and T Park. So SF fans, yes, the park has finally seen something scarier than the 2013 Giants’ hitting with runners in scoring position….

(alternate punchline “scarier than Brian Wilson in a Dodgers uniform.”    Other suggestions encouraged.)

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Tim Lincecum signed a new contract with the SF Giants for two years, $35 million. Guess we know a reason why they were willing to take Kanye West’s money.

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John McCain is thinking of running for re-election to the Senate in 2016, when he will be 80. And Hillary Clinton is thrilled- McCain will make her look young and vigorous!

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Why men should not do wedding planning. A British groom was sentenced to a year in jail after he admitted to calling in a bomb hoax for St. George’s Hall in Liverpool. He was trying to cover up the fact he had forgotten to book the hall for his own wedding…..

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Apparently the NY Jets knew the Patriots might try the illegal pushing play during field goals, and alerted the refs to watch for it. And the Sunday before, the Patriots had allegedly tried it against New Orleans, whose defensive coordinator is… Rob Ryan. Oh brother.

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Regarding the Obamacare website and the idea that it would be up and running without bugs on schedule: these folks may know how to reform healthcare, but they sure don’t know software engineers.

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Despite polls showing the voters overwhelmingly blaming the GOP for the government shutdown, Ted Cruz said he’ll try to do it again in January. At this rate the Texas senator stands to get a lot of donations – from Democrats.

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Just proving that when it comes to crazy, your state may matter more than your political party. Democratic congressman Alan Grayson, who is white, sent a fundraising email which equated the Tea Party to the Ku Klux Klan, and had a burning cross for the letter “T.” Yes, he’s from Florida.

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Truth from Jim Barach:  A poll says that nearly half of all Americans say that everyone in Congress should be replaced. All that needs to happen is for those people to tell that to the quarter of Americans who actually vote in congressional elections.

Cardinals rule

October 18, 2013

FOX has announced that all World Series games this year will take place at 8:07pm EST, except for Sunday night’s game which will start at 815p. Way to pull in children as lifelong fans…. kids on the East Coast will be lucky to make it up for 3 innings.

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SF Giants fans watching tonight’s NLCS game had to be shaking their heads – who knew you were allowed to score runs on Clayton Kershaw?

Alas in the NLCS for Dodgers fans against the #stlcards, Clayton #Kershaw turned out to be no Barry Zito.

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At about the 5th inning it became obvious that not even Mike Matheny giving Wacha the game ball will save the Dodgers. #beatLA

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From Giants Hot Corner:  “Tonight was the first rainy, 9-0 win to clinch a NL pennant since… the Giants beat the Cardinals last year”

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(Congrats to St. Louis, actually. But bet they won’t have anywhere near as cool a souvenir as the SF Giants rain globe.)

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In college football, UCF (University of Central Florida) had a last minute rally to upset previously undefeated Louisville tonight, 38-35. Wonder if the Golden Knights got a congratulatory phone call from the president of the SEC?

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Enterprise Rent-A-Car announced they will start renting Harley-Davidson motorcycles on the Las Vegas Strip. Great, let’s mix testosterone, motorbikes and Vegas…. With possibly alcohol.   What could possibly go wrong?

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A federal air marshal was arrested yesterday at Nashville Airport for allegedly using his cellphone to take upskirt pictures of female passengers boarding a plane. If the guy wanted to see under women’s clothes, why didn’t he just get a job running TSA’s body scanners?

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I must say that watching Prince Fielder play first is really making me miss watching that svelte young man Pablo Sandoval. #ALCS

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From TC   “Phoenix Cardinals WR Larry Fitzgerald is enrolled in the U of Phoenix and is working on a degree in Communications. Too bad he couldn’t get QB Carson Palmer signed up as well so they could both be on the same page.”

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Mitch McConnell said there will not be another government shutdown: “I think we have now fully acquainted our new members with what a losing strategy that is.” Ted Cruz said he wouldn’t rule it out and will “continue to do anything to stop the train wreck that is Obamacare.” This is beginning to remind me of some folks who brag about their parenting skills while their little darlings run amok.

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So between the government being shut down and the government not being shut down is there any real difference in what Congress is not doing?

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Russian airline Transaero will get its first Airbus A380 in 2015, and while they plan 12 First and 24 Business Class seats, the carrier plans to put 612 seats in economy class. Don’t tell United Airlines.

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FOX has announced that all World Series games this year will take place at 8:07pm EST, except for Sunday night’s game which will start at 815p. Way to pull in children as lifelong fans…. kids on the East Coast will be lucky to make it up for 3 innings.

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A woman who was working as a drug informant asked two POLICE OFFICERS she was riding with to help find a hitman to kill her husband. She was arrested when she met the “hitman”, who was an undercover officer, and gave him a shotgun. You guessed it, Florida. (Though Arizona would have been a good 2nd choice.)

Any given Sunday

October 13, 2013

saints saintssaintsIn New Orleans. Where they do love their football team….

saints

Although, up four points, 10 seconds left,  no timeouts for the Patriots….  Why not line up six men on the goal line, five at the five, and dare Brady and company to break through?  Just sayin’

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At this point finding replacement name for the Washington Redskins will have to be some inanimate object. Because the team is playing in a way that would be an insult to any real or mythical creature.

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The baseball Gods do not apparently approve of pulling a dominant starting pitcher who has thrown only 108 pitches #Redsox #Tigers

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Things fell apart for the Tigers so fast Sunday night, Giants fans had to wonder, did Leyland give Scherzer the game ball?

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Though if the Red Sox been shut out again would Bud Selig have declared a moratorium on post-season PED testing?

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Marc Ragovin “I guess you can say that the Red Sox won game two of the ALCS by the hair of their chinny chin chins.”

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The #Jets look to be joining the #Yankees, #Mets and #Giants in a campaign to give NY sports fans a choice: Hockey or basketball?

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GM Brian Cashman denied reports he would prefer to have A-Rod suspended than have the Yankees pay him $24 million last year. And he said it with a straight face.

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A Teapartier today at the so-called “Million Vet March” demanded that President Obama “leave town, put the Quran down, get up off his knees, and figuratively come out with his hands up.” Charming. Wonder why the same guy isn’t demanding that Ted Cruz go back to Canada.

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Rand Paul said that President Obama should not be using scare tactics about raising the federal debt ceiling. Right, add “the U.S. paying bills on time” to the list of commie pinko liberal concepts.

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I think I’m beginning to understand the narrative: When President Obama compromises with the GOP, he’s a spineless wimp.  When he stands his ground, he’s an arrogant wanna-be dictator.

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Only unhappy football fans in Denver Sunday night. Anyone who bet the 28 point spread. #Jagssuckbutnotthatmuch

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SF Giants fans are happy the team didn’t make the rumored trade of Javier Lopez to Detroit. Tigers fans tonight, not so much.

Lesus Saves?

October 11, 2013

Oops: The Vatican just withdrew thousands of official papal medals from sale when they discovered they had misspelled Jesus’ name as “”Lesus”. Guess this doesn’t do much for the doctrine of papal infallibility.

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The Oakland Raiders will play a 2014 NFL home game in London at Wembley. “Black Hole” meets soccer hooligans, wonder if the NFL is chipping in for police overtime….

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The Duggars say they are “actively trying” for their 20th child. And somewhere God is thinking “When I said go forth and multiply, I wasn’t thinking numbers that required a calculator.

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NY Jets TE Kellen Winslow is the latest player to receive a 4 game suspension for violating the NFL’s PED policy. He issued the standard “I apologize but I have no idea what happened because I would never knowingly take banned substances” statement….

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Mark Zuckerberg has spent $30 million on four houses that border his home in Palo Alto. And for the Facebook founder to have that kind of privacy, guess the site will only need to add a few more ad generators invading ours….

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The MAC has announced a new bowl game known as the Boca Raton Bowl beginning in 2014. This is great news for all these teams who thought they might finish 6-6 and tragically miss the postseason.

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Stay classy Ted Cruz. When the Texas Senator spoke yesterday at a Tea Party event, he said he was going to meetings with the President, and “if I’m never seen again, please send a search and rescue team.”

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At Texas A&M, they are getting rid of the natural grass surface at Kyle Field after the season, and will sell it for $400 for a 460 sq ft pallet. Alas, the NY Giants share a stadium with the Jets. Otherwise Giants fans might be interested in a similar deal – if they can sell the Met Life field in chunks NOW, so the team could stop trying to play on it.

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Nazi war criminal Erich Priebke, 100, has died. He was under house arrest serving a life term for his part in a massacre of 335 civilians near Rome in 1944. Priebke’s lawyer announced his death saying “”The dignity with which he withstood his persecution made him an example of courage, coherence and loyalty.” Even Jerry Sandusky’s legal team is thinking “I want to throw up.”

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Well, it may hurt a bit if Zach Wheeler turns into an All-Star.  But at least the SF Giants’ idea to trade for Carlos Beltran in 2011 has been validated.  #BeatLA

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A federal judge ruled today that MLB can legally prohibit the Oakland A’s from moving to San Jose. Well, that ought to give Bud Selig’s “Blue Ribbon” committee enough to keep them deliberating another 5-10 years..

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Good week for Mitt Romney. The California Coastal Commission approved his plans to tear down his 3,000 sq-ft home in La Jolla, and build a 11,000 sq ft replacement. And he and Ann just bought an $8 million home in Park City to replace the one they sold before he ran for President. And these days Mitt doesn’t have to deal with any silly reporters asking him how many homes he has.

At bedtime Tuesday night, Matt Schaub threw out the cat–it was intercepted and run back for a TD. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/276663/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-October-11-2013-Edition-440#sthash.IlUkYfDh.dpuf
At bedtime Tuesday night, Matt Schaub threw out the cat–it was intercepted and run back for a TD. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/276663/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-October-11-2013-Edition-440#sthash.IlUkYfDh.dpuf

Not so high hopes?

October 10, 2013

Talk about a culture of diminished expectations. The Dow rose over 300 points today over a GOP proposal for a temporary debt ceiling raise, which would keep the government shut down. It’s like dropping the insurance rates on a wild teenage party, because one or two adults might have shown up.

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So wonder if the #OaklandAthletics have invited the #DetroitTigers to jump in their stadium sewage?

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The rumors of Justin Verlander’s pitching demise have been greatly exaggerated.

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As Sonny Gray took the mound for Oakland tonight, A’s fans were thinking “Madison Bumgarner.” Tigers fans were thinking “Salomon Torres.”

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Big money ball thought of the day: You could add the payrolls of the Detroit Tigers and Oakland As together, and still be about $30 million less than the LA Dodgers…

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Wild times in Provo. Apparently Coke Zero, which is forbidden along with other caffeinated beverages at Mormon-owned BYU, was accidentally stocked in a campus vending machine, and according to the Salt Lake Tribune “immediately caused a run on the machine.” Just imagine the profit potential for smuggling Starbucks….

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SF 49ers’ LB Aldon Smith was charged with 3 felony counts of illegal possession of an assault weapon yesterday. The guns in question are legal in some states, but not California. Considering the variation in state laws, free agency rules, and some players’ mindsets, you’d think Florida and Arizona would have better football teams….

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From T.C.  “In honor of QB Matt Schaub, A Houston pizza joint has a item called “Pick 6″ toppings. It’s pickup only as the owner figures deliveries could be intercepted.”

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The service academies will be able to continue playing football and other sports through the end of October, despite the government shutdown. Well, with our country’s priorities so in order, sounds like things will be resolved by Nov 1.

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Actor James Woods told a Twitter follower “‘I don’t expect to work again” after he criticized President-Obama over the government shutdown. Responded most Americans “Who’s James Woods?”

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The Democrats and Republicans are often going to disagree. And laws will be passed in future that one or another party does not like. So to those who are cheering Boehner’s shutdown strategy, assume you have no problem with Democrats doing it in future when THEY strongly believe a law is dangerous to our country? #thenewnormal

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A friend of a friend is against Obamacare because of the “tyranny of forcing people to buy something from a private company.” So what’s the next government shutdown going to be over? Car insurance?

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The Jonas Brothers canceled their planned concert tour because of “a deep rift within the band.” And in a display of bipartisan unity, both GOP and Democratic parents who had promised to take their pre-teens to the shows, said “Now, there’s a shutdown we can get behind.”

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Saddest thing about a sad Glee episode, the disclaimer during the credits “The events and characters depicted in this motion picture are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events, is purely coincidental.” Tonight, wish that that were true. #Rememberingcory

What’s in a name?

October 9, 2013

Washington owner  Dan Snyder about the Redskins name “It isn’t just where we came from — it’s who we are.” “Who we are?” Well, guess “Sucky Football Team” doesn’t fit on a jersey.

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In the SF Bay Area, BART unions are apparently ready to strike for a second time. Apparently trying to see if it’s possible to get even more unpopular than Congress.

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This might be a more controversial post than the shutdown lines, but here goes:

When interviewed for local radio and asked for his NLDS prediction, Chipper Jones had predicted LA would beat Atlanta in 4 games.  So the entire Braves team boycotted his throwing out the ceremonial first pitch for game 1, and Chipper had to throw to the mascot. Sounds like Atlanta is just as classy as their fans’ Tomahawk Chop.

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Back to the shutdown:

The House would need 217 votes to pass a CR (clean resolution) to end the government shutdown. Apparently as of today there are 219 “yes” votes. Math, another of those commie pinko liberal concepts.

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Yahoo just changed their mail interface without any warning at all. Just who does Marissa Mayer think she is, the CEO of Facebook?

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Congress’s approval rating is now at 5%. Wow. There are actually 5% of Americans who think they are doing a good job?

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Who says Congress isn’t suffering along with the rest of the country? Sen. Ted Cruz told People magazine that his wife and two daughters couldn’t visit the National Zoo and museums last weekend. So they went apple-picking and visited Mount Vernon. Ah that American resilience during tough times….

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12 people were stuck nearly 3 hours tonight at Universal Studios Orlando on a roller coaster that broke down. As opposed to the millions of people that are still stuck for days across the country with the roller coaster of the government shutdown..

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Chris Christie has said he is against the GOP shutdown tactics. Makes sense, because since he thinks he’ll be elected President in 2016 he doesn’t want the Dems to try the same B.S. on him.

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Cowboys defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin said that people should blame him, not Tony Romo, for the team’s loss to the Broncos. USC fans are shocked – a Kiffin taking responsibility for anything?

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Travel agent face palm moment of the day, clients ask for several very deluxe rooms in a particular tropical resort area in late December. Warn them that this could be difficult because most such places sell out far in advance for Christmas. The response “That’s okay, we don’t celebrate Christmas…”

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Washington coach Steve Sarkasian claimed that Stanford faked injuries to slow down the Huskies’ offense in last week’s game. Except that the two players who briefly left the game were Ben Gardner and Shayne Skov,  star seniors who are probable NFL draft choices. So if Cardinal coach David Shaw were to fake injuries, Sarkasian doesn’t think he’s smart enough to fake them with marginal players?

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From Jim Barach  “Snooki from “Jersey Shore” has opened up about her struggle with anorexia in high school. Fans of the show were shocked. Snooki went to high school?

So many questions?

October 8, 2013

Definition of a “non-essential government worker.” Anyone whose job doesn’t immediately and directly benefit me.

A jealous Saudi husband divorced his wife after she posted a snap of her kissing an Arabian filly’s face. Was he jealous of his wife or the horse?

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A 21 year-old Texas high school teacher is under fire because it’s been discovered that she posed for Playboy as an 18 year-old college student. So far she’s keeping her job. And requests from fathers for parent-teacher conferences have probably jumped 1000%.

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Detroit Lions center Dominic Raiola apologized to Wisconsin’s marching band today for his “inappropriate” comments made to them before last Sunday’s game. Hmm, usually when you hear “apologized” “marching band” and “inappropriate” in the same sentence, the Stanford band is involved.

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John Boehner: “I didn’t come here to shut down the government. And I certainly didn’t come here to default on our debt.” (But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once?)

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A new poll says that the GOP could lose the House over backlash from the current shutdown. But maybe Boehner has a plan for that too – shutdown the voting booths?

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Nike unveiled new Pro Bowl uniforms today, changing their colors from blue and red to orange and yellow. Sure, that will do it. The reason the game has been so unwatchable has been the color scheme….

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Two bases-loaded, nobody out situations today in the MLB playoffs… without a score. Somewhere Rod Beck and Harry Houdini are smiling.

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Wonder if the #Rays put a few sharks in their stingray pool  tonight to keep the #RedSox out of it?

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The 9 year old boy who sneaked onto the Delta flight apparently has previously sneaked into water parks, had gotten at least one free meal at a restaurant, and once stole a car. Wonder how many start-up companies want to hire him.

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Should we be that shocked that a child was able to sneak his way onto the plane, apparently by boarding with a family with a number of boarding passes…. Gate agents often seem to have no interest in counting carry-on bags, we expect them to count kids?

 

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From T.C.   “Cowboys owner Jerry Jones called his teams loss to the Broncos a moral victory. Translation: they beat the spread and I made a shitload of money.”

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Stay classy, Arizona. Your move, Florida: State Rep. Brenda Barton (R. Payson) on FB: “Someone is paying the National Park Service thugs overtime for their efforts to carry out the order of De Fuhrer… where are our Constitutional Sheriffs who can revoke the Park Service Rangers authority to arrest??? Do we have any Sheriffs with a pair?”

Mark Sanchez had season-ending surgery today, and said “I’m very disappointed that I can’t be out there to help my team on the field.” Many NY Jets fans are thinking that he’s doing a great job of helping his team by staying OFF the field.

Cleveland Browns executive Jon Sandusky, son of former Penn State assistant Jerry Sandusky, was arrested today for alleged DUI. Maybe he wanted to spend some quality time with his dad?

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When asked by a reporter’s today about a vote on a “clean” continuing resolution – to reopen the government with no strings attached – in order to end the shutdown. Boehner walked away humming “Doo, doo, doo.” I think one less “doo” would have about described the Speaker’s strategy.

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Amazing. Listening to those on the right, sometimes Obama is an arrogant authoritarian socialist President using his unfettered power to destroy our country. Other times he is completely bumbling and ineffectual, unable to accomplish anything. It’s so confusing.

The Pretenders?

October 7, 2013

USC announced that imposters pretending to be from the University contacted both Jack Del Rio and Tony Dungy about their vacant coaching position. There’s a certain symmetry, for years, Lane Kiffin was pretending to be a big time coach.

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Beginning to think God is really really tired of that tomahawk chop

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Philadelphia and Dallas are tied for the NFC East lead, with 2-3 records. It’s early days yet, but to make the NFL playoffs, shouldn’t your team be good enough at least to be bowl eligible.

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In an interview with New York Magazine, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia talked the “coarsening” of society, due to “the constant use of the F-word — including, you know, ladies using it.” Of course, many of the “ladies” using the F-word have been using it in response to some of Scalia’s statements.

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Eli Manning today in a radio appearance “I don’t think I’m playing lousy.” Fair enough. “Lousy” would be an improvement.

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Flori-duh moment of the day. Freshman GOP Rep. Tom Yoho, on if the U.S. fails to raise the debt limit. “I think, personally, it would bring stability to the world markets.” (Before he ran for Congress, his first elected office, Yoho was a large-animal veterinarian….)

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This just in: PETA is protesting the Tampa Bay win as being cruel to actual Rays. #stingraypoolwalkoff

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The Denver Broncos are a NFL record 28-point favorite over the Jacksonville Jaguars this week. Have to wonder if the spread would be less if the Broncos were playing the FSU Seminoles.

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QB Matt Flynn was cut today by Oakland. He’s made $14.51 million in the last two years from the Raiders and Seahawks, and started exactly one game. With that kind of performance to pay ratio what’s Flynn’s next move – a run for Congress?

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The Redskins return from their bye week next Sunday. Disappointing all fans who thought they were one of the few good things to be shutdown in Washington.

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Oops. In Los Angeles, the school district spent $1 billion to give 650,000 plus students iPads. Only problem, the high school kids cracked the security settings so they could play games and post on social media during class. On the brighter side, American ingenuity is alive and well.

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As the shutdown continues, it’s interesting that the party that has made such an issue of the sanctity of voting and the need to tighten requirements to avoid voter fraud, is also the party that sees no need to take an actual vote…

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Ah technology, United Airlines sent a  message about booking a hotel on United.com for a new reservation to Los Angeles. For a same-day roundtrip. Makes you feel real warm and fuzzy about their autopilot.

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