Archive for the ‘baseball jokes’ category

Big night time Timmy Jim.

July 22, 2014

Okay Clayton Kershaw.   Tim Lincecum called your no-hitter and just raised you a save. #SFGiants #Dodgers

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If  Tim Lincecum becomes the the #SFGiants closer someday will his entrance music be “Last Dance with Mary Jane?”

SF Giants are undefeated in games that last at least 500 pitches.  (Tonight’s, 507.  14 innings)

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But back to #SFGiants reality.  So far in 2014, five players have played 2nd base for the SF Giants and combined for a .182 average. This statistic is pretty shocking to serious Giants fans. That high?

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“Estimate”, Queen Elizabeth’s filly who won the 2013 Gold Cup at Royal Ascot, has apparently tested positive for dope. This is what they get for letting the horse hang out with Prince Harry.

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Sarah Palin was caught speeding last week and fined $144. So she can see Russia from her house but apparently she can’t see a Wasilla Police Car.

(Jim Barach wonders,  “was she driving a Maverick?”)

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A 105 year old woman threw out the first pitch at a Padres game. Did she credit her ability from sandlot games as a child with Jamie Moyer?

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Two white flags mysteriously appeared in place of American flags on the Brooklyn Bridge Tuesday morning. Police say they have no suspects, but will be interviewing anyone in New York wearing a Cubs cap.

(Marc Ragovin, with a great minds, suggests that authorities should instead be looking for Mets fans.)

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Tony Dungy in damage control mode. “I do not believe Michael Sam’s sexual orientation will be a distraction to his teammates or his organization. I do, however, believe that the media attention that comes with it will be a distraction.”

Right, whereas players Dungy has supported like Vick, Tebow and Manziel, they weren’t and aren’t distractions….

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Meanwhile, the Cleveland Browns say they won’t name their starting QB until at least the 3rd preseason game. Does it make sense for the team in 2014? Maybe. Does it make sense for jersey sales? Absolutely.

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A new book about the Secret Service claims that Bill Clinton has another mistress. Shocking. And wonder how many Americans would re-elect him, bimbos and all, if it weren’t for the 22nd amendment.

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Ocala, Florida, about an hour from Orlando, has banned people from wearing pants that sag two inches below their waist on city property. Offenders will be fined $500 for face jail time. Can Ocala work on spandex next?

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Senior U.S. intelligence officials apparently say they have no evidence of direct Russian government involvement in the shooting down of MH 17.   Uh, did anyone actually think Putin would order something like that? Well, outside maybe of Fox News?

The Selig era is almost basically over.

July 19, 2014

Bud Selig is actually supposed to retire in six months. He and baseball owners want former MLB deputy commissioner Steve Greenberg to be his replacement. But Greenberg says he doesn’t want the job, though he would be honored to follow Selig, who he calls “easily baseball’s greatest commissioner since Judge Landis.” Well, wishes aside, shouldn’t that statement disqualify Greenberg by reason of insanity?

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Only 30% of Los Angeles area residents can see Dodgers games on TV due to a cable dispute. And David Rone, president of Time Warner Cable Sports, which distributes the games, says “It is unlikely that we are going to get a deal done. Suffering Midwest fans are thinking “why couldn’t this happen with the Cubs?”

 

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Anyone else think Vladimir Putin is more likely to officiate at a gay wedding than he is to determine that MH17 was shot down by pro Russian-separatists?

 

 

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The Federal Government has charged FedEx with drug trafficking for delivering illegal prescription drugs, allegedly for over a decade. What took the Government this long? Maybe they figured FedEx is taking profitable business from the post office?

 

 

Lebron James announced his return to Cleveland last week, but still hasn’t chosen if he will wear #6 or #23. How long until ESPN dedicates a special edition of Sports Center to the decision?

 

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For all those who think the SFGiants have a problem at 2nd base, it could be worse. Dan Uggla, released by the Atlanta Braves, hit .162 with 2 home runs and is still owed over $18 million.

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Red Sox GM Ben Cherington says the last-place team is not giving up on 2014 yet. And even Cubs fans are thinking “I want some of what you’re smoking.”

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CNN had Michele Bachmann commented that Hillary Clinton “should be worried” about Elizabeth Warren in 2016. Michele Bachmann as a political prognosticator? Well, maybe since Paul the Octopus is no longer with us.

 

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From Jim Barach ”  Downtown Los Angeles is at its driest since record-keeping began in 1877. Which means at least there is something in L.A. with a longer dry spell than the one that takes the Dodgers back to 1988.”

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A Supreme Court injunction means that Utah has won at least a temporary delay in recognizing same-sex marriages. Guess the state figures if a man isn’t happy marrying a woman, he should just marry more women.

 

 

In Los Angeles, a man robbing a liquor store apparently accidentally shot and killed his accomplice. So sometimes the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is another bad guy with a gun.

 

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The NY Yankees announced there will be  a Derek Jeter retirement ceremony on Sept 7. #FarewellCaptain Except that I thought the whole 2014 season was a Jeter retirement ceremony.

 

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And finally.   Aldon Smith,  after a D.A. decided not to press charges for alleged LAX bomb threats, was sentenced Friday for possessing illegal fire arms. Along with a separate case of DUI and marijuana possession after driving and hitting a tree.

Smith got 3 years of probation, and 12 days of work crew on Mondays. Which will end before the 49ers first Monday night game.

So let this be a lesson to the youth of America. Behave yourselves. Unless you are SURE you have NFL level talent.

 

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Rocky Mountain Leftover High?

July 17, 2014

CBS News reports that tourists are regularly leaving their leftover marijuana purchases inside rental cars at Denver International Airport, because they don’t want to be arrested when they head home. In related news, Hertz and Avis just reported a 1,000% increase in Colorado job applications..

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Chris Christie says that on a “case by case” basis, his state may consider housing some of the detained immigrant children. Makes sense, have them spend some time in New Jersey and they may go racing back home.

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So the MH17 black box has been sent to Moscow for Investigation. Great. Now we will get the real story because as Edward Snowden tells us, Russia is a great and open country and a champion of human rights….’

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We often ridicule U.S. government agencies over their rules and regulations. But it appears that they got this one right: In April, on the “Special Rules” section of its site, the U.S. Federal Aviation Administration put out an order prohibiting American pilots, airlines, charter carriers, and everyone else over whom the FAA has direct jurisdiction, from flying over southern parts of Ukraine.

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John McCain is already talking about “profound repercussions” against whoever shot down MH17. Surely we should be able to invade somebody….

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The finger pointing has begun between Russia and the Ukraine over MH17. It may take longer to figure out who’s really to blame than it does to find MH370.

(The GOP already no doubt  – has it figured out, it’s Obama’s fault.)

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Microsoft has announced they are cutting 18,000 jobs. Of course, the tech giant doesn’t “fire” people, they just tell them they are performing an illegal operation and will be shut down.

 

Cheerful story on a bad news day. My friend Linda M. Wilson reminds me that Disneyland opened 59 years ago  on July 17.. Although there’s a whole generation of Americans growing up with no concept of the phrase “E ticket ride.”

 

Okay, how slow a day was Thursday  in the sports world? ESPN has the headline that the 2015 NFL draft location has been narrowed down to Los Angeles and Chicago.

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You can’t make this “stuff” up. MLB and FOX’s excuse for not paying tribute to Tony Gwynn during the All Star Game- is that the “baseball family” had lost a “number of people” this year and they “did not want to slight anyone by singling out one individual.” Well, and that and it would have interrupted the flow of the Derek Jeter show.

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To be fair, maybe MLB and FOX made such of a big deal out of Derek Jeter’s farewell All-Star game because they knew he’d already played his last postseason game.

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But maybe all of the hype is getting to be overkill.  From Bill Littlejohn:  “A Yankee Stadium suite for Derek Jeter’s final home game is going for $244,000.  Why the discount?”

 

Where in the world…?

July 16, 2014

A TSA agent today at Orlando International Airport.  asked for a reporter’s passport when the man showed him a District of Columbia driver’s license. Not realizing D.C. is actually part of the U.S. Wonder if the TSA agent told the guy his team should have beaten Brazil….

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Okay, both Bud Selig and players association executive director Tony Clark both just said they would like to reduce and ultimately eliminate smokeless tobacco usage in MLB. Great, so with that goal, wouldn’t it have made sense to use the big stage of the All-Star Game for that message as part of a tribute to Tony Gwynn? Or would that have taken time away from “Pride of the Yankees -2 -the Derek Jeter show?”

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If someone turned into last night’s All-Star game who had never seen baseball before and didn’t know the players, they might have been forgiven for thinking “That poor Jeter guy, he must be dying?”

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At Target Field presume someone is interviewing the last stadium worker asking how it felt to clean up after #Jeter‘s last #AllStarGame?

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From Bill Littlejohn.  “I hear that Adam Wainwright’s new walk-up music just became ‘Groovin’ on a Sunday Afternoon’”

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Alabama and USC will kick off the 2016 college football season with a game at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas. It will be the first regular season meeting in almost 40 years between two of the NCAA’s highest paid teams.

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With the new College Football Playoff system, the “Power Five” conferences will each receive about $50 million and the other FBS leagues will split $75 million. Just for this first year. Well, this should help the NCAA pay legal bills as they fight against paying players because it would ruin the game.

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Oscar Pistorius, whose trial is in a recess until August, got into a bar fight last weekend, but his family issued a statement it was only because he’s in ‘emotional pain,’ and feels lonely. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.

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Another of those “Darwin – missed it by that much” stories. A West Seattle man decided to kill a spider with a can of spray paint and a lighter (huh?) He managed to set his house on fire, causing about $60,000 in damages. Although he, and possibly the spider, survived.

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In South Carolina, the KKK is handing out bags of candy as part of a recruiting effort. The bags have a phone number and a message inside .””Save Our Land, Join the Klan.” Is it too late to let the South secede?

(Dan St. Paul suggests, “Presumably the bags have two holes cut out for your eyes?”)

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Dwight Howard tweeted last weekend “FreePalestine.” Then deleted the message 15 min later “Previous tweet was a mistake, I have never commented on international politics and never will.” Did Howard run out of characters to end the message “again?”

 

 

Best team award at the #ESPYS to the Seattle Seahawks? Really . Even #ESPN doesn’t respect the #Spurs. #notenoughdrama?

 

 

-Would love to be a fly on the wall when athletes’ wives ask “So honey, what did you think of that #Sidepieces song? #ESPYS #nogoodanswer.

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Dick Cheney says that “Barack Obama is the worst President of my lifetime.” Now, President Obama hasn’t been perfect. But he’s not even the worst President of the last decade.

 

 

Majority ruled?. Senate Republicans today blocked a bill to restore free birth control for women whose health insurance comes from employers with religious objections. The losing vote? 56-43 in favor of the bill. (Three GOP Senators voted yes.. Two were women.)

The Midsummer Jeter Show

July 15, 2014

Tonight home field advantage was decided for the World Series by a largely meaningless game with many players chosen based on popularity and others because each team needs a representative. Why doesn’t baseball use the system followed by so many other sports – who can offer the biggest bribe? #AllStarGame.
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After watching the show now have to figure Bud Selig is staying up nights trying to figure out how to make sure the World Series includes Derek Jeter.

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Just in case anyone thought network news was no longer relevant. Nice job CBS News tweetng a REAL scoop “@CBSNews: Michael Jeter takes bow at his final All-Star game.” Wonder if Michael’s brother is any good.

 

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SF Giants All Star Hunter Pence, on his unorthodox style for doing, well, everything. “It’s just the way I am. I love it. I enjoy it. I just want to thank whatever it is that created me.” So does this mean Pence isn’t religious, or he figures God would say “Hey, don’t put this on me, I don’t understand Hunter either.”

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So how long until #Jeter gives his “Luckiest Man in America” speech? #AllStarGame

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Bud Selig said today that Montreal is an “excellent candidate” for another MLB team. But added that there’s “a lot of work to do” with them getting a new stadium. Why, Olympic Stadium is almost as bad as the Oakland A’s “O.Co Coliseum.”.

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A-Rod now is being sued by his attorneys for unpaid legal fees. Just how low do you have to go before your own lawyers think you’re a incorrigible scumbag?
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Okay, organizers at Blackfoot Pride Days in Idaho were chagrined when a pilot hired to drop 3,000 pingpong balls redeemable for prizes into a crowd missed, and instead dropped the balls on an nearby interstate highway. The pilot actually made the 2nd mistake. The 1st was thinking this was a good idea in the first place.

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Alabama once again has the top recruits for college football. But isn’t it an oxymoron to call it a “recruiting class?”
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Apparently this season’s ratings for the Bachelorette are not great. But to be fair, anyone who wants to watch a bunch of egotistical prima donnas compete for attention and “love” now has 24-7 coverage available of NBA free agency

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New SNL cast members Noël Wells and John Milhiser have been fired after 1 year. Surprising most Americans who didn’t realize either of them were on the show in the first place.
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In an interview, Marion Barry says Rob Ford is “making a fool of himself.” Guess that makes as much sense about Dick Cheney complaining about what President Obama is doing wrong with Iraq.
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In my email inbox. A Groupon half-price sky dive. Okay, of all the things in the world that maybe you wouldn’t want on a bargain basement deal, a sky-dive has to be up there, or rather down there. Maybe following a dinner of day-old sushi?

 

Dick Cheney – “Obama’s failure to provide for a stay-behind force is what created the havoc we see in Iraq today.” Because it’s not as if Iraq ever had a stable government before behind a strong leader…. Oops, never mind.

NL Power outage.

July 15, 2014

Seriously??!   ONE home run gets Todd Frazier to the Home Run Derby finals representing the NL? #ShouldhavepickedMadbum

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Thought after watching round one of the Home Run Derby;  Yasiel Puig is no Madison Bumgarner. #SFGiants. #Dodgers

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If they ever have an All-Star Game and Home Run derby in pitcher friendly Petco Park, is there a provision for ending it with penalty kicks?

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Apparently the SF Bay Area had some of the highest World Cup television ratings in the U.S. For that soccer can thank Northern California’s cultural diversity, advantageous game times with Brazil being only four hours ahead, and oh yeah, the fact the the SF Giants s*cked throughout the month that the tournament was on.

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Today begins a four day stretch without regular MLB games. So Cubs fans looking for their regular experience in the meantime will just have to bang their heads into the wall.

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So how long until other teams start intentionally walking Madison Bumgarner with the bases loaded? #SFGIants #Grandslam #MadBum

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Apparently Archie of comic book fame will be shot and die in the next issue while trying to protect a gay friend. Waiting to see how the GOP spins this as another reason to impeach Obama.

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High school basketball star Emmanuel Mudiay, who had committed to SMU, says he will instead play professionally overseas. What a shame. By skipping college Mudiay could be giving up some of the potential best few months of his life.

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The Cleveland Browns are planning to use a live bull-mastiff as their mascot this fall. Of course Browns fans are hoping the real dog doesn’t turn out to be Johnny Manziel.

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The 2016 campaign sniping is in fine form. Like this line about Texas Gov. Rick Perry: “Apparently his new glasses haven’t altered his perception of the world, or allowed him to see it any more clearly.” From Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden? Nope, fellow Republican Rand Paul.

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TSA surcharges on airline tickets are more than doubling July 21, from $2.50 to $5.60 per flight, with extra charges for layovers of more than 4 hours. As far as paying for misery, these fees are becoming the travel equivalent of alimony.

 

 

Happy belated Bastille Day. And we Americans think we celebrate violence. These lines translated from the first first and chorus of “La Marseillaise”. “The bloody flag is raised. Do you hear in the countryside, The roar of these savage soldiers They come right into our arms To cut the throats of your sons….,To arms, citizens! Form up your battalions Let us march, Let us march! That their impure blood Should water our fields….”

Just call him Babe.

July 13, 2014

madbum

Madison Bumgarner, leaving the mound in the 7th inning today in a game where he was not only the winning pitcher, but hit a double and a grand slam. The real shame of him leaving when he did. Madbum’s turn at bat was coming up.

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Is it too late to add Madison Bumgarner to the All Star Game home run derby roster? #SFGiants

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#Madbum was saying all week he wanted to hit in the All-Star game home run derby, and was texting NL Captain Troy Tulowitzki about it. Troy’s got to be second guessing that decision about now.

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Maybe now that the #WorldCup is over the SF Giants realized they were allowed to score without penalty kicks.

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(actually posted before today’s game that “You know it’s been a rough month when your starting pitcher comes into a game with a higher batting average than four of your starting lineup.” After his double and grand slam, Bumgarner now has a higher batting average than anyone on the team except Hunter Pence.
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Who’s done a better acting job in the last month? The floppers of the #WorldCup or millions of Americans who pretended to care about soccer?

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Understatement of the year. Eric Holder, in responding to Sarah Palin’s call for Obama’s impeachment. ““She wasn’t a particularly good vice presidential candidate.”

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So figure… the last game before the All-Star break between the Yankees and Orioles ended up in a rain delay…. and was called after midnight. Might have been the first game ever played Monday of All-Star week.
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Colin Kaepernick apparently has a new tattoo. How could anyone tell?


Cornerback CB Jimmy Smith was arrested at a suburban Baltimore bar last night and charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Smith is the 5th Raven to be arrested this off-season. How long until Baltimore changes their team color to orange?
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CNN has decided to make yesterday’s story of the United flight diverted to Midway Island today’s front page news. Standby for tomorrow’s story of all the islands where they COULD have diverted MH370.

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ESPN story talked about “bravery” with the “Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. Can think of a number of adjectives. “Bravery is not in the top ten. (If we’re going for “Bs” – “Braindead”, maybe.)

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Before the fall.

July 13, 2014

About 30,000 fans showed up Saturday at Candlestick Park for the last game ever to be played before the stadium is demolished .  A meaningless SF 49ers flag football game. Wow. Almost as many at the Stick as any 10 random SF Giants weeknight games.

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Nice tribute to Dave Dravecky today at A T and T Park. Did someone tell the SF Giants they didn’t have to honor Dave by pretending to bat with only one arm?

 

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How long has Ryan Vogelsong gone without support? The last time the #SFGiants scored a run when he was on the mound, the #USA was undefeated in the #WorldCup.

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Even as a Giants fan, this is just wrong. As reported by Bruce Jenkins in the SF Chronicle, , if you live in the SF Bay Area, and subscribe to MLB’s TV package, you can watch the Dodgers Sports-Net telecasts with Vin Scully. But 70% of fans in LA are blacked out. #moneymoneymoney

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The Cleveland Indians placed DH Jason Giambi, 43, on the 60 day DL over his sore knee. Bummer. But at least most of Giambi’s medical bills should be paid by Medicare.

 

 

Tiger Woods, feeling good as he approaches the British Open, “I can do whatever I want ” And somewhere Elin Nordegren is thinking “Haven’t we seen this somewhere before?”

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Quite a number of no-shows at today’s #WorldCup third place game. Including apparently the Brazilian team. #BRAvsNED

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Okay, the Lebron Decision sequel is over. But doesn’t it seem like everyone is paying much more attention to all these NBA free agent machinations than they do to the actual season?

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Lebron James’ contract with Cleveland is for just two years? Meaning we could go through this all again in 2016?

 

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A United Airlines flight from Honolulu to Guam had to divert to Midway due to a mechanical problem. Passengers spent several hours on the Island before a replacement plane took them back to Honolulul, and then another plane took them to Guam. United says the passengers were given $500 travel vouchers. Well, that’s a start, but how about all those extra frequent flier miles?

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Rick Perry, attacking fellow Republican Rand Paul’s isolationist strategy called him “curiously blind.” Well if anyone is familiar with the concept of “curiously blind,” it’s the Governor of Texas.

 

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If immigrant children at US border said they were fleeing home because of oppressive gun control would be fun to watch  heads explode.

 

 

From T.C.  “North Korea state news reports that their country has reached the finals of the World Cup, and are preparing to announce victory tomorrow. They have a ready to use Photoshop picture of Kim Jong-un hoisting the trophy. Too bad it’s The Stanley Cup.”

Still no sign of news.

July 10, 2014

So the Lebron James Indecision saga continues, with absolutely no real information. If this keeps up it’s only a matter of time until CNN sends out hourly “Breaking News” updates.
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Starting to think if the #NFLDraft happened at the same time #LebronJames was making his free agent decision that #ESPN heads would explode.

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Comedian Marcus Tisdale released a video of him pretending to smoke crack on a San Francisco street, and getting a minimum reaction from passing people. Well, duh, it’s San Francisco. If he wanted the reaction to be outrage, he should have smoked a regular cigarette.

(Or held up a “Palin, 2016″ sign.)

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Stories out of Boston indicate that the Red Sox designated A.J. Pierzynski in part because he was a serious negative influence in the club house. What did they expect from someone of whom Ozzie Guillen once said “If you play against him, you hate him. If you play with him, you hate him a little less.”
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The Brooklyn Nets will pay a record $90M luxury tax for last season. $90 million!? The team salary cap is only about $63 million. Who do they think they are, the Yankees?

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John Boehner delayed convening the House Thursday due to an early morning accident involving asbestos.. Yes, they actually may have found something at the U.S. Capitol more toxic than Congress.

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The Chicago Cubs have won approval for a $575 million renovation of Wrigley Field, which includes scoreboards that will block nearby rooftop seating. But owner Tom Ricketts says the team needs the added revenue to be competitive. Right. To bring the Cubs back to the glory days of 2011. When they had the 6th highest payroll in MLB and finished a sparkling 71-91.

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Boeing said today their new 737s will have overhead luggage bins that can store 6 carry-on bags instead of four, and will be easier to use. Wonder which U.S. carrier will get the planes first, and add a “bin surcharge?”

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General Mills says they will reformulate Trix cereal to make it taste “fruitier.” Wait, Trix was supposed to taste like fruit?

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Only good news for #TimHudson today. If he promised family a vacation over the All-Star break looks like he’ll be available.#SFGiants

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Todd Akin is taking back his apology over “legitimate rape.” “My comment about a woman’s body shutting the pregnancy down was directed to the impact of stress on fertilization. This is something fertility doctors debate and discuss “Doubt me? Google ‘stress and infertility,’ and you will find a library of research on the subject.” WTF? Is Akin angling for a job with Fox News?

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Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, who announced their “conscious uncoupling” in March, have been spotted together recently, leading to rumors of a reconciliation. “Oh, what great news, I’ve been so worried about them” said absolutely no one.

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The couple who were rescued by the U.S. Navy after being stranded at sea 900 miles off the Mexican coast with their 1 and 3 year old daughters now say they plan to sue their satellite phone carrier. Saying that they hope any monetary winnings will allow them to help repay the government for their rescue. Is this what Shakespeare anticipated when he said “First thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”?

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President Obama is telling Israel that the USA is willing to negotiate a cease-fire between Israel and Hamas. If this works maybe Israel will negotiate a cease-fire for Obama with the GOP?

And then there were two.

July 9, 2014

Argentina over the Netherlands 4-2 in a penalty kick shootout. Setting up a World Cup final with Germany. Over-under on Nazi War Criminal jokes in the next 4 days?

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On a brighter note for the World Cup host country, think of all the underprivileged children in Africa who will be be thrilled with their “Brazil, 2014 Champions” shirts.

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Heard the US has offered to have a ceremony honoring the Brazilian soccer team. Their suggested venue? Wrigley Field.

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So Germany vs. Argentina for the World Cup Championship Sunday in Rio De Janeiro. For Brazilians that must be like a World Series game 7 featuring the Yankees played at Fenway, or the Dodgers at A T & T, etc…..

 

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Headline “Last Year’s Champion Drops Out of Tour de France.” And the response across America “Who?”

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Sarah Palin is saying she would like to join “The View.” Good thing Barbara Walters has retired. This prospect might have killed her.

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After Hobby Lobby, some religious leaders have asked President Obama to be exempted from his forthcoming executive order prohibiting federal contractors from discriminating against LGBTs. But okay, folks, if the point is limiting birth control and abortions, what better sex than gay sex?

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An LA jury found the Dodgers partly liable for the injuries to Bryan Stow, ordering them to pay only $4.5 million of an $18 million verdict. $4.5 million!? That’s less than a half-year contract for an average rental player at the trade deadline.

 

Lebron James’ second free agency tour continues without a final decision.  Here we thought Lebron wanted to be Michael Jordan. Appears now he wants to be Brett Favre.

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Edward Snowden has asked for an extension on his one-year Russian visa. So, okay, people disagree on if he is guilty of a crime. Snowden CLAIMS, however, “If I could go any place in the world, that place would be home.” So if true wouldn’t you think he’d want to publicly defend himself back home in a trial?

 

 

President Obama today in Texas about the “immigration crisis.” “Are folks more interested in politics or are they more interested in solving the problem?” If Obama has to ask maybe he really hasn’t learned that much during four years in Washington.

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Joe Montana, playing in a flag football game which will be the final game at Candlestick Park this weekend “My jersey just got here. I’m pumped, it’s almost time for the game. #cantwait.” Flag football? Have news for Joe. Most of us CAN wait.  Forever if need be.

 

Former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin, 58, was sentenced today to 10 years in federal prison on corruption and graft charges. Which in Louisiana means Nagin may be released just in time to run for Governor.

 

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“Can’t fix stupid” item of the day. A small Pennsylvania newspaper does a reader opinion feature on various topics, complete with a photo of the responders. And a Bloomsburg University student opined on the Redskins name controversy. Campus police saw the picture, recognized it and arrested him for jumping bail in a DUI case…..

 

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From Marc Ragovin, on the story about two members of one of the NY Mets’ Single A minor league teams being recently arrested for drag racing.  “I guess this gives new meaning to being on the fast track to the majors.”

 

 

Just a few goals past ugly?

July 9, 2014

7-1 final. Germany hasn’t rolled over another country like this since…. oh, does this even need a punchline?
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This Brazil vs. Germany World Cup game should get us all ready for those thrilling September SEC-cupcake matchups.

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How ugly was it looking in Belo Horizonte against the Germans today? Wonder if the Brazilian team considered singing “Edelweiss” and trying to sneak out the back? #toosoon?

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#Dodgers score 5 runs off Justin Verlander in 1st, now trail #Tigers 12-5. Are both teams are taking turns emulating Brazil vs. Germany?

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Rough day for the Brazilian team. Maybe a record day for Caipirinha sales.

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Meanwhile, what a waste. Madison Bumgarner in an AL park with the DH. He was more likely to get a clutch hit than at least a few batters in the #SFGiants lineup.
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Cleveland has been selected as the site for the 2016 Republican Convention. Stand by for “Mistake by the Lake” jokes.

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Sarah Palin recently referred to today’s politics as “incorrigibly disastrous.” Well, if anyone should be an expert on “incorrigibly disastrous…”

(My friend Julia Park Tracey “I didn’t know she was polysyllabic.”)

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Two University of Miami football players, both projected starters, were dismissed from the team after being arrested on sexual battery charges against a “physically helpless” 17-year-old girl. Wonder how long it will take for them to show up “rehabilitated” on another team or on an NFL practice squad?
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This summer TGI Fridays will offer “Endless Appetizers.” $10 a person – no sharing please – unlimited refills of choices including Potato Skins, , Mozzarella Sticks and Boneless Buffalo Wings. Presumably the offer also comes with a free test for Type 2 Diabetes.

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United Airlines has announced they will outsource 630 jobs at 12 U.S. airports in a cost-saving move. So you thought that customer service was bad at Albuquerque; Buffalo; Charleston, Charlotte; Columbus, Ohio; Des Moines,. Detroit, El Paso, Sioux Falls, Wichita, Pensacola and Salt Lake City before…..

Former “Baywatch” star Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce again. So guys, they’re available.
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John Boehner wants another $3.3 million for another House investigation of Benghazi. Not sure what they hope to find out this time, though it now seems pretty certain that if Congress put as much money and effort into protecting our Embassies and Consulates as they are now into “getting” Obama, Ambassador Stevens and the others would be alive today.

Not such sweet dreams.

July 7, 2014

A Yankees fan who was seen sleeping during a Red Sox-Yankees Sunday night game has now filed a $10 million defamation suit again ESPN and its announcers, largely due to some of the comments posted online after his picture went viral. $10 million! That’s almost enough to buy season tickets for a whole year at Yankee Stadium.

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Andrew Rector, the “Sleeping Yankees fan”, says the reason for his $10 million lawsuit is that John Kruk and Dan Shulman unleashed an “avalanche of disparaging words.” But okay, so the guy was briefly the butt of some internet jokes amongst some sports fans (personally, I missed it), until they moved on to the next thing. Now millions of Americans not only know Rector fell asleep at a game, they will think he’s an a**hole.
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At Target Field in Minneapolis, they’ve installed self-serve beer stands. What could possibly go wrong?
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So who needs a show titled “The Decision.” This time Lebron’s choice of teams appears to be a months long ESPN miniseries.

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In Fort Wayne, Indiana, a bird was killed when it was hit by a pitch thrown by Detroit Tigers’ minor league prospect Jon Maciel. Wonder if the poor bird had a mistaken sense of invincibility from surviving an earlier HBP from Barry Zito?
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Some teaser trailers have been released for “Gone Girl,” the new Ben Affleck thriller that will debut October 3. Of course, for anyone who really can’t wait to know what happens there’s always… reading the book.

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Two Mets prospects from Venezuela without U.S. drivers’ licenses were arrested for racing and driving over 100 mph on July 4 in Kingsport, TN. The young men were charged this morning with drag racing, presumably since Tennessee doesn’t have a statute on criminal stupidity?

( Presumably if they could THROW as well as drive over 100 MPH, they would have gotten better signing offers than the Mets.)
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Apparently a new danger at the Tour de France is people with their back to the riders, taking selfies while the race goes by. Said one rider “Everyone is out there having fun and a lot of people don’t realize we’re coming past at 37 mph and we use every inch of the roads.” Darwin would be so proud.
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#SFGiants All-Star Madison Bumgarner, with two home runs, says he has reached out to captain Troy Tulowitzki about joining the NL HR Derby team. Well, Madbum only has one home run less than both Hector Sanchez and Gregor Blanco.

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A ticket vendor who has won FIFA ticket contracts for 20 years was arrested in a World Cup scalping investigation. A remember of the FIFA team might be corrupt? Next someone will try to tell us there is gambling in Casablana.

Water world.

July 3, 2014

A Qantas flight from Los Angeles to Melbourne had to turn back when a pipe burst, sending a river of water rushing through the plane. On United they would have just kept going and charged a swimming pool fee.

 

Qantas may be changing their pre-flight briefing.  “In case of rushing water in the aisle, passengers wishing to use the restroom may use their seat cushion as a flotation device.”

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Silver lining about all these religious universities whose beliefs are so pure they don’t want the government involved in their health insurance – it will save taxpayer money because they won’t want tainted government funds for their research grants and student loans, right? #wecandream

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Apparently the #WorldCup television ratings have been higher than those of the NBA finals. #Betterflopping?

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All these NBA players working so hard to see if they can end up on teams together… If they spent as much effort actually working on playing as a team together maybe some of these prima donnas would have a better chance for a ring.

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SportsCenter Breaking News “Lebron James agent meets with multiple teams.” “Lakers and Knicks offer max to Carmelo.” This isn’t an NBA off-season, it’s a bad mini-series of “The Dating Game.”

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#SFGiants manager Bruce Bochy says he will drop Blanco – 10 for 59 since Pagan got hurt- down in the batting order “until he gets his swing.” Uh, except what if 10 for 59 IS his swing?

 

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Overheard around U.S water coolers today. “Hey, do you know when the next World Cup games are?” “No, me neither.”

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Hillary Clinton said in a BBC interview that she’s “grateful” she forgave Bill over Monica Lewinsky. “Forgiveness is a choice, and I fully respect those who don’t make that choice for whatever reason in their personal or professional lives .But for me, it was absolutely the right choice.” So where’s the applause from “family values” conservatives?

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Stay classy Mississippi. GOP State Sen. Chris McDaniel is offering a $1,000 ‘reward’ for evidence of voter fraud by Senator Thad Cochran, who beat him in the Republican Primary. In this case the “Big Tent” is more like a cover over a boxing ring.

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The economy added 288,000 jobs in June and the unemployment rate fell to 6.1% – the lowest it’s been since September 2008. Time for the GOP to call another hearing on Benghazi.

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From an anonymous friend “Next up: SCOTUS declares the Universal Suffrage Amendment unconstitutional because “it wasn’t in the original Constitution, so the Founding Fathers didn’t want it”. Cave paintings at 11″

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From Bill Littlejohn  “Food and drink will be delivered to 49er fans at the new Levi’s Stadium via GPS tracking.  Maybe they might reconsider Apple Maps, however, as a couple of construction workers there, however, report that recently their lunches were sent into San Francisco Bay”

Misremembering and misbehaving.

July 3, 2014

Today, U.S. coach Jurgen Klinsmann now says he believed team USA could have won the World Cup — even though he said the exact opposite before they started playing. So maybe Klinsmann’s goal isn’t to be a winning coach, but a politician.

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The Yankees were swept by the Rays and have now joined the Red Sox in having sub .500 records. Stand by for Bud Selig and MLB to implement emergency 16 team NBA-type playoffs..

 

Okay, maybe your baseball team is suffering. But I think Boston “wins” the week by being swept by the Chicago Cubs. Capped off by a 16-9 loss tonight. Talk about “50 Shades of Red Sox.”

 

But as T.C. says “Cubs 16; Red Sox 9. Boston doesn’t need hitting, they need Tom Brady!!!!”

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Toronto mayor Rob Ford, just out of rehab, says “he can’t imagine” saying the things he said about black people, Jews and Italians. “When you have this disease, you say things, do things that aren’t you.” And Donald Sterling said “Why didn’t I think of that?

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In England, the lawyer for ex-”News of the World” editor Andy Coulson, convicted of phone hacking, is pleading for a reduced sentence. The claim, that no one in the newspaper industry “realized that interception of voicemail messages was illegal, in the sense of criminal.” Ah, what, Coulson thought it was only immoral?

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Target is asking customers, even those in “open carry” states, to leave their firearms at home. And really, who needs a gun while shopping anyway? Well, outside the first hour or so of a “Black Friday” sale.

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At a Starbucks with line out the door, young woman is not only ordering for herself, but texting back and forth with a friend as to what kind of iced tea the friend wants. When she has finally paid, and line has grown, gal then pulls two Starbucks gift cards from her wallet and says “Can you verify the balances on these for me?” Beginning to see there just MIGHT be a reason for “open carry.”

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Car in front of me on way to work had a “student driver” sign on it. Of course, it might have been obvious, the driver was actually using turn signals.

 

Protesters this week blocked buses containing undocumented immigrants from entering the Southern California  town of Murrieta. Said one woman “”I just wish America would be America again.” “Amen,” responded Native Americans.

 

Rick Perry has given up wearing cowboy boots. Allegedly as a way to soften his Texas image as he runs for President again in 2016. Amazing. For appealing to a national audience, guns aren’t dangerous but boots are?

 

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Louisiana Rep. Vance McAllister, elected on a “Christian Family Values” platform, became known as the “kissing congressman” when he was seen on video making out with a staffer, McAllister said he would step down but now says he will seek re-election in November. Well, makes sense. He changed his mind about “forsaking all others” too.

Going down.

June 29, 2014

Would baseball be more popular around the world if batters could fall to the ground writhing in agony if the pitch got near them and then be awarded 1st base? #WorldCup #flopping

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Brazil coach Luiz Felipe Scolari said he and his team “can’t be polite anymore” after barely beating Chile. Are they flopping too gracefully?

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A fire broke out in the boiler room of a Holland America cruise ship leaving Seattle yesterday. But it was quickly extinguished, the ship returned to port without incident, and was cleared to sail again this morning. “Darn” said CNN.

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In the 9th inning of a 4-0 loss, the #SFGiants won a review and have a play overturned. So where do you go to request the month of June be overturned?

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Open note to #SFGiants. This is not the World Cup. You don’t have to wait to score with penalty kicks.

 

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So according to Bochy, Sergio Romo will no longer be closing games for the #sfgiants. Of course that’s been true for over two weeks.

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SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy today said the team “as a group, we’ve hit a bump in the road.” A bump? Feels more like a Giant sinkhole.

 

 

As of Sunday night, at SeaWorld San Diego, apparently several people have been stuck on the Skytower ride for several hours due to a power issue. The San Diego Fire Department is on stand-by.but says “no one is in distress.” If they’re not in distress after several hours guess this makes the Skytower perhaps the world’s highest outhouse.

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Texas Tech has dismissed their top football recruit, CB Nigel Bethel II, for allegedly punching one of the their star woman basketball players in the face during a pickup basketball game. Next stop for Bethel, the Baltimore Ravens?

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No injuries fortunately when two Ryanair jets ran into each other at London’s Stansted Airport yesterday morning. A spokesman said they hit wing tip to tail cone while one was approaching a gate and the was pushing back. Maybe enough passengers didn’t pay the “light stick” fee?

 

 

The Cleveland Browns owner reportedly told Johnny Manziel to “tone it down” and watch “what goes up on social media. Manziel reportedly responded that he’s not going to change his ways and will enjoy his time off. Of course, if Johnny can’t deliver on the field in the NFL, he could end up with a lot more time off.

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Not so Tidy – Whities?

June 28, 2014

Apparently Wimbledon is enforcing the all white clothing rule so tightly this year and some women players have have to remove their colored undergarments and go braless. Is this too much tradition, or a shameless grab for television ratings?

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President Obama on the GOP. They “don’t do anything but block me and call me names.” And John Boehner said “Okay, who leaked our mission statement?”

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Tiger Woods has missed the cut  for the Quicken Loan Tournament. Which means golf ratings this weekend will be almost as high as those of the  World Cup in the US after Tuesday  if Belgium wins.

 

Randy Moss has been hired as an associate football coach by his son’s high school. Not sure exactly what the former NFL star is supposed to teach the kids. But pretty sure it isn’t humility.

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ABC has fired Sherri Shepherd and Jenny McCarthy from “The View.” Many women are thinking “How terrible.” Many men are thinking “Who?”

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Really? There’s now a Kim Kardashian video game?! Assume the goal is to make a big a** of yourself? #KimKardashianHollywood

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ESPN had a spoiler alert – basically that the second ranked woman in the world was knocked out at Wimbledon. To be a real spoiler don’t people have to know who the #2 woman in the world is?

 

A marijuana food truck plans to open soon in Everett, a suburb of Seattle, Washington. Talk about a symbiotic operation.

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Fred Dicker, a NY Post columnist, referred to a white state senator as a “spear chucker” for the New York City Democratic delegation, which is mostly black. And then said it was not a racial slur. Right. Will Dicker then suggest “spear chuckers” for a new name for Washington’s football team?

 

Joaquin Arias is 1 for 18 as a pinch-hitter for the #SFGiants. That’s not a “pinch-hitter”, that’s a “pinch-outter.”

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Clients called saying they would be late to an appointment at our office. They were lost because their GPS had broken. If only there were an inexpensive, simple, portable way to get directions. #Imissmaps

 

One of the Miss America contestants this September was originally the runner-up, and only found out she won her state pageant 6 days later, when organizers realized a vote count error, and dethroned the original winner. You guessed it, Miss Florida.

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Wonder if the new Miss Florida was crowned by the Supreme Court?

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A federal judge upheld Colorado’s new gun laws that mandate background checks for all gun sales and limited the capacity of ammunition magazines. From the ruling; “Of the many law enforcement officials called to testify, none were able to identify a single instance in which they were involved where a single civilian fired more than 15 shots in self defense.” Common sense, what a concept.

 

 

And finally a no snark item for a change.

 

Apparently actress Amy Adams, who had a 1st class seat on American Airlines, saw a uniformed soldier at the gate and quietly got the flight attendant to switch their seats so Ms. Adams ended up in coach. Wow. A celebrity making news that doesn’t involve an arrest, a wardrobe malfunction or a sex tape. Very well played, Amy,

Time to man up?

June 26, 2014

Really? Ann Coulter, says “any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation’s moral decay.” And that “I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer.” First, Ann should STFU. Second, few Americans are likely to be watching past the next round anyway.

 

 

Another thought on Ann Coulter’s comment that “No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer.” Thinking that not having children just makes Ann bitter about never having the chance to become a great-grandfather.

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Phrase we never thought we’d hear in the USA. “Don’t ask me a work question, I’m watching the #WorldCup.” #USAvGER

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Question asked around the US today? “So how do you win the World Cup by losing a game? “. “Oh, you mean there’s more…?”

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In later World Cup games Thursday, Belgium beat Korea 1-0 and Algeria tied Russia 1-1. And across the USA one response “There were later games?”

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Luis Suarez has been banned four months for biting. Although his actions did change the conventional wisdom that most Americans couldn’t name a single player in the World Cup

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Ghana has kicked two players off their World Cup team after a training “altercation.” And apparently they had to bring $3 million in cash to Brazil yesterday after players threatened to mutiny over not being paid enough. Who says “futebol” is nothing like American football?

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Tiger Woods shot a 74 on his first day back in a tournament. At ESPN they are wishing there were only some way to give the other golfers red cards.

 

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan will apparently reunite briefly on screen in the upcoming movie “Ithaca.” Of course, this time they will both be “Sleepless in Seattle” from getting up in the middle of the night to pee.

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Howard Baker, 88, has died. He was Reagan’s chief of staff, a presidential candidate himself, and a moderate GOP Senate Majority Leader. Yes, Virginia, there was a time you could be known as a “moderate Senate Majority Leader”

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If anyone has been  watching the #SFGiants lately and  heard Tim Lincecum threw a no-hitter against the Padres, their first question must have been “Did he win?

 

LGBT night at A T and T  and not a single same sex couple shown on “Kiss Cam.”. That’s as weak as #SFGiants hitting tonight.

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According to the CDC, women are considered “heavy drinkers” if they have eight or more drinks a week, men are “heavy drinkers” if they have 15 or more. Great, one more stressor to drive us to drink.

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UK based Titan says they have sold at least one Titan “Zeus”, a $1.6 million, 370 inch TV. And somewhere some guy’s neighbor is plotting how he can find one bigger.

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Open note to all drivers: When you are the 2nd, 3rd and 4th cars through the intersection after the light in the other direction turns green, it is just possible you ran a light that was a bit past yellow.

 

From Bill Littlejohn :   “Robert Morris University-Illinois has become the first school to consider video games as a sport.   CalTech could be next, but has concerns over attracting too many ‘one-and-dones’”

Mr. Padre.

June 24, 2014

gwynn

The #SFGiants honored Tony Gwynn before their game today.  And even put his #19 up on their wall.  Classy move for a real class act ballplayer.

 

(Although after honoring the best #SDPadres hitter ever in  Tony Gwynn, the Giants made  1st time starting pitcher Despaigne look like Trevor Hoffman each and every inning. #unclearontheconcept)

 

 

-Tony Gwynn got 97.61% of the votes in becoming a first ballot Hall-of-Famer, appearing on 532 of 545 ballots.   So were the other 13 voters a**holes or just ignorant.

 

 

 

 

The Tampa Bay Rays invited a 17 year old girl to throw batting practice for them before today’s game. Good thing they weren’t playing an interleague game in SF. She might have shut out the ‪#‎SFGiants‬.

 

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#TimDuncan has quietly exercised his $10.3 million option to stay with #SanAntonio. My dad is right on this one. The #Spurs are just too professional for the media. #nodrama.

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Apparently a “scathing” report by the Office of Special Counsel found a “troubling pattern of deficient care at VA facilities nationwide.” Not good. But have to wonder, what kind of pattern would they find at a lot of U.S. HMO’s?

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Apparently some men tagging sharks from a 35-ft boat off the NJ shore have a video of getting their chum bag stolen by a 16-ft shark. Wonder who was the first to say “we’re going to need a bigger chum bag.”

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You can’t make this stuff up. Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran, 76, who is struggling to keep his seat by fighting off a younger challenger, now has Brett Favre campaigning for him.

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Katy Perry offered she’ll write Hillary Clinton’s theme song if Hillary runs again for President in 2016. And Bill offered to spend some private time consulting with Katy while she works on it.

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There is a theory that warm weather countries are at a big advantage in this #WorldCup because of the hot, humid conditions in Brazil. If true, then just how good is the Netherlands?

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With all the finger pointing after yesterday’s last second Portugal comeback, did anyone notice if a “mission accomplished” banner was raised on the U.S. side?

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The USA Portugal broadcast had 24.7 million viewers between ESPN and Univision, a new record for any soccer game in the US. To put this in perspective, it’s a little more than half the 45.7 million who watched the 2014 NFL draft.

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3 goals in 10 minutes Monday for Mexico. Who took the ball out of the humidor? #WorldCup

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Oh lordie. Now with Hillary Clinton’s awkward statements about her family’s wealth, Joe Biden said today he’s “the poorest man in Congress. Adding.”I don’t own a single stock or bond. … I have no savings accounts. The VP and his wife reported $407,009 in adjusted gross income in 2013. If Biden’s telling the truth it doesn’t say much for his ability to manage his own money, let alone taxpayer dollars..

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A Louisiana man is recovering with 80 stitches in his hand after he and his friends were drunk and tried to move an alligator out of the road. And Darwin is thinking “missed it by that much.”

Fit to be tied?

June 23, 2014

US Coach Jurgen Klinsmann, complaining about his team’s chances against Germany “They played yesterday, we played today. We played in the Amazon, they played in a location where they don’t have to travel much. Everything was done for the big favourites to go and move on. We’re going to do it the tough way.” Of course, the easiest way would have been to play good defense for another 30
seconds today.

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Tough last minute tie for the USA. Some of these heartbroken fans have been rooting for the team for their entire weekend. #WorldCup

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But if life is supposed to be a learning experience, a whole lot of Americans just learned about the concept of stoppage time. #WorldCup

 

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#SFGiants are undefeated in the #Panik era.

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All this talk about the heat in Brazil. It was only 110 degrees in Qatar today. #Worldcup

 

A man is suing British Airways because he said he wanted to book tickets to Granada, Spain, two hours from London, and ended up on a flight to the Caribbean Island of Grenada, nine hours from London. And it didn’t occur to the traveler to read his itinerary? #cantfixstupid

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Oops. A Samsung Twitter Sunday read “Best of luck to Landon Donovan & the USA team. #GALAXY11” On the brighter side for the Korean company, a lot of casual American soccer fans didn’t notice a problem.

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If we really wanted to get World Cup interest going in the US, FIFA should suggest that newspapers publish brackets with disclaimers that of course no betting and pools are allowed.

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Carmelo Anthony is apparently planning to opt out of his NY Knicks contract. What a shame to break up such a great 37-45 team…

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With Lucy Li, 11, in the Women’s U.S. Open, a lot of media focus was on someone who didn’t even make the cut. Getting us ready for Tiger Woods next weekend?

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From Gary M.  “Would it be appropriate to begin a Kick-start campaign to raise bail for Hope Solo?”

 

From Bill Littlejohn  “Last Sunday for Father’s Day the SF Giants gave away ties.  Presumably the way Sergio Romo has been blowing, and nearly blowing, saves, all of those ties were more than a little tight.”

Our short national nightmare is over.

June 19, 2014

#Facebook was down for about 30 minutes Thursday morning. The horror. Millions of people were limited to looking at their own cats.

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British Prime Minister David Cameron gave Chinese premier Li Keqiang a signed copy of the shooting script for the first episode of Downton Abbey as a souvenir of Keqiang’s visit to the UK. Wonder how long it will take China to come up with a show knock-off?

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And so it begins, Grover Norquist suggests renaming the Redskins the Washington Reagans, What, not the Gippers?

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My friend Jeff suggests the Washington Blamers. With a logo of a lot of pointing fingers.

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John Kerry, on Dick Cheney’s recent criticism of Obama. “This is the man who took us into Iraq saying this? Please.’ If Kerry had fought back like that against the “Swift boaters” he might have had a chance to be elected President.

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Former Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer, who appears to be running more for a TV job than President, in an interview on Eric Cantor “If you were just a regular person, you turned on the TV, and you saw (him) talking, I would say—and I’m fine with gay people, that’s all right—but my gaydar is 60-70 percent.” Oh please, oh please, someone ask Schweitzer about Marcus Bachmann.

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So the San Antonio Spurs have a dominating win in the NBA Finals and all the talk is about – what will Lebron and the Heat do next year? #Americalovestrainwrecks

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Who says I never say anything nice about George W. Bush?. At least the former President hasn’t added his name to the GOP chorus criticizing Obama on Iraq.

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Apparently Harrison Ford suffered a broken leg, not an injured ankle as previously reported, on the set of the latest “Star Wars” sequel. Good thing he wasn’t working on a remake of “They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?”

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So what’s the difference in this year’s World Cup between Spain and England? About 24 hours.

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England is now close to being out of the World Cup. To put this in perspective for Americans, it’s like the USA being eliminated in the first round of the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest.

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In Wisconsin, prosecutors are alleged that Gov. Scott Walker was at the center of a nationwide “criminal scheme” with people like Karl Rove to illegally coordinate with outside conservative groups. If true, clearly this must be Obama’s fault.

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New GOP majority leader Kevin McCarthy started a deli business with money he won in the lottery when he was 19. Makes sense. winning the lottery is one of the paths Republicans now figure poor people should use to get ahead.

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KTVU achieved national infamy earlier this year over a prank involving alleged Asiana pilot names.  Monday night, a KTVU reporter doing a live story on a woman who was robbed in Oakland, CA left her purse in a nearby unlocked van.  And the purse, of course, was stolen. Hope no one tries to get her read the names of suspected thieves on the air.

(Susan Marie H. asks “Was the reporters name Dora Notloc, Norma Coach, Greta Klue, or Ima Stoopid?)

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A seriously cool story.  Somewhere, Tony Gwynn is smiling. Good luck to Addison Reed.

http://msn.foxsports.com/arizona/story/d-backs-reed-quits-tobacco-out-of-respect-for-gwynn-061714


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