Archive for December 2012

Fools on the hill?

December 30, 2012

My latest suggestion for ending this fiscal cliff mess…. Lock all of Congress in a room, start playing the Beatles’ “Fool on the Hill”, and don’t turn it off or let them out until they get it done.  My sister’s better suggestion,  have them play “It’s a Small World.”   (Although I have to wonder if that’s a violation of the Geneva Convention.)

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Kim Kardashian is pregnant. Which means about 20 years from now some young adult probably will look back and wish they were only born to a more conventional and mature mother like Snooki.

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Think that somewhere tonight Jessica Simpson is giggling at Dallas Cowboys’ fans?

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Before the Sunday night game even starts, the Dallas Cowboys did the seemingly impossible – getting most of America to root for a team owned by Dan Snyder.

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Washington D.C.  area Starbucks have been having baristas write “come together” on coffee cups to encourage patrons to urge Congress to figure out a fiscal cliff solution.   Well, that may not happen, but at least D.C. residents on a bipartisan basis can come together to thank Tony Romo.

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Hard to keep track of all these bowls featuring mediocre college teams. I forget, which bowl did the NY Jets play in?

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A report says that the NY Jets will fire their offensive coordinator. Which shocked many Jets fans. “We HAD an offensive coordinator?”

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A bright spot as the holidays wind down and we have to think about getting back to serious work – soon we probably won’t see that Citi commercial where the salesgirl says “Have a super sparkly day.”

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The Cleveland Browns are rumored to be seriously pursuing University of Oregon coach Chip Kelly. Wonder if this means the NCAA’s investigation of the Ducks is further along than we thought.

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Good news. Winter will be over almost two months early. At least according to Macy’s. The fine print under their “Biggest sale of the season” ad says “refers to our Winter season 11-1-12 to 1-31-13.”

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To economize, England’s Queen Elizabeth and her husband Prince Philip took a regularly scheduled train to their estate in Sandringham this Christmas, which the British public and media loved. If President Obama somehow took a regular flight to or from Hawaii he’d be accused of disrupting air travel for average Americans.

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When Hideki Matsui retired from baseball last week he said it was because he was no longer able to perform at a top level. Responded the Chicago Cubs “And your point is?”

 

Okay conspiracy theorists, a blood clot is probably beyond even your dreams as a way to avoid testifying. Not always a Hillary Clinton fan but absolutely wishing her well now.

Banana Republic.

December 30, 2012

A new study from an Ohio State engineering professor shows that as many as 49,000 people in Central Florida, mostly Democrats, did not vote because of long lines and other problems at the polls. The Florida GOP is appalled. They clearly made voting too easy.

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Arizona State put up 62 points on Navy before the end of the third quarter today in the Kraft Fight Hunger bowl. Clearly the military is not as strong as it should be. I blame Obama.

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New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton’s new five-year contract is reportedly for $8 million annually. Wow. That’s almost as much as a mediocre relief pitcher.

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Open note to Facebook friends. I thought a “like” or a comment was enough to say I am reading your posts, Not adding a one-word comment and reposting the status asking all my friends to do the same thing. I like my friends but I hate chain letters. :-)

 

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The report is that the Cleveland Browns will fire coach Pat Shurmur on Monday. Bummer for all those who had Rex Ryan or Norv Turner in the pool.

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New York City, including Manhattan, is expecting to 2 to 4 inches of snow in a current storm. Of course, since this is New York, residents and the media feel this total counts for 2 to 4 feet in lesser towns.

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The Senate is working this weekend trying to come up with a last minute solution to avoid the fiscal cliff. Should we be happy they are at least making a serious effort, or furious that it took them so long?

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Stanford women’s basketball looked so bad Saturday against UConn, especially in the first half, expected Tara VanDerveer to have accused the team at halftime of playing like boys.

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Terrelle Pryor will start for the Oakland Raiders Sunday. So looking like an unhappy Matt Leinart and Mark Sanchez could both be traded. If they end up on the same team what a dilemma for a coach – which one do you bench first?

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Katie Holmes’ first starring role on Broadway will come to an end two months earlier than expected as her play “Dead Accounts” will close. Guess Katie was as successful playing the lead role as she was playing at a marriage with Tom Cruise.

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Syracuse beat West Virginia 38-14 in the Pinstripe Bowl. Well, at least one New York football team has had a decent December.

 

Love this story from the Palo Alto Daily Post: Two parents, 52, and their daughter, 22 are in custody after being arrested for shoplifting at Nordstrom’s. The women were caught outside the store, but the father escaped. Until he called police that night to report his wife and daughter missing. Family bonding…. Well, at least they’re all in the same jail.

Cliff notes?

December 29, 2012

As the U.S. edges closer to the “fiscal cliff,’ have to wonder if Shakespeare had a premonition of future politics when he wrote “a plague on both your houses.”

(although today it might be “a plague on both the house and the senate.”)

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Just how ugly was the Russell Athletic Bowl. Virginia Tech beat Rutgers 13-10 in overtime. But the Hokies had an equal number of turnovers and rushing yards – three. (No typo, 3. Really.)

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Last year’s strike-shortened NBA season was the perfect length for many fans. Wonder if there’s a way to get a strike going that would affect the NCAA bowl season?

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Mayor Michael Bloomberg is blaming the first increase in New York City’s crime rate in 20 years on Apple-related thefts. Uh, what about folks unhappy over not being able to get their large sodas?

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ESPN reports Sean Payton, who has been courted by Dallas, has agreed to a five-year extension with the New Orleans Saints. “Bummer for the Cowboys”, said no one outside of Texas.

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The NY man who killed 2 firefighters in an Xmas Eve ambush couldn’t legally buy the semiautomatic rifle and shotgun he used. But he went to the store with a woman who bought the guns for him after he picked them out. And we hear all the time about the ATB arresting folks who buy alcohol illegally for 20 year olds….

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Two University of Texas players have been sent home from the Alamo Bowl for “violations of team rules.” Reportedly for alleged sexual assault. Some of these guys are going a little too far to prove they are NFL ready.

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So Mark Sanchez will start for the NY Jets this weekend over backup QB Greg McElroy, who has a concussion. Not Tim Tebow. Is Rex Ryan that worried that Tebow might actually win a game and get Jets fans even madder about the might-have-beens this season?

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Rex Ryan says he wants “to be the Jets’ head coach for the next 15 years.”

Uh, who’s got 15 days in the pool?

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The Pro Bowl roster is out. Being chosen is an honor, but as far as resulting in any real action, it’s like being named one of the sexiest women of the year by the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus.

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Forget the Mayan calendar. The Los Angeles Clippers winning 16 in a row? Now, there’s a sign of the apocalypse.

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From T.C.  “Washington Nationals pitcher Stephen Strasburg called Redskins owner Daniel Snyder and asked him why he wasn’t shutting down RGIII in order to save him for next year.”

Over the cliff?

December 27, 2012

A commercial during the Holiday Bowl is from online Ashford University. Well, it got some results. At the University of Alabama, they immediately contacted the school to see about arranging a game on their 2013 football schedule.

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West Coast teams often complain about their games taking place too late at night for the East Coast media to pay attention. After tonight I’m predicting we will not hear that complaint from the UCLA Bruins.

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We could solve this fiscal cliff issue real fast if Congress met at a real cliff. And if every 15 minutes after the deadline members of each party took turns pushing a Congressperson from the other party off of it.

 

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Remember all those jokes early this year when Stanford barely beat San Jose State? The Spartans just won the Military Bowl to finish 11-2…. (Now, about some of those SEC cupcake games…)

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Richard Sherman won his “contaminated sample” PED appeal. So will he be sending a bottle of champagne to Ryan Braun?

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USC’s Matt Barkley is still nursing a shoulder injury and will not play in the Sun Bowl. But he hopes to follow in the great tradition of Trojan QBs and be healthy enough in 2013 to hold an NFL clipboard.

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The Brooklyn Nets have fired coach Avery Johnson after a 14-14 start. The Washington Wizards wonder if the team has something against overachievers.

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President Obama left his family in Hawaii and cut his vacation short to head back to Washington and work on avoiding the fiscal cliff. Waiting for the GOP to accuse him of wasting money by making Air Force One take an extra trip.

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From my friend Jim Barach:  Starbucks baristas in Washington, D.C. are writing “come together” on cups in order to get Congress to avert the fiscal cliff. Of course, the fiscal cliff wouldn’t be an issue if the federal government could figure out a way to get as much money out of people every day as they do at Starbucks.

Mission accomplished.

December 27, 2012

Another year, another superhuman effort by Santa Claus to deliver millions of toys overnight without a break. Wonder how long until he and the reindeer get investigated for Adderall?

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Netflix’s video streaming service crashed Christmas Even.. Oh, the horror!. Thousands and thousands of Americans were actually forced to talk to their relatives.

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Ben Affleck has announced that he won’t seek John Kerry’s Senate seat. Bipartisan bummer for women. If Affleck ran against Scott Brown it might the best looking Senate race in history.

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Syracuse suspended two players from their upcoming New Era Pinstripe Bowl game. Shocking! Syracuse is playing in a bowl game?

 

Mark Zuckerberg’s sister Randi  was upset when a casual family photo she posted on Facebook ended up reposted on Twitter,  saying the person who did it she was “way uncool,” and saying to “always ask permission before posting a friend’s photo publicly. It’s not about privacy settings, it’s about human decency.”  “Gosh, those FB settings are confusing, and I’m really sorry that happened to your family” said absolutely nobody.

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A picture of President Obama hugging Michelle on election night has become the most re-tweeted photo ever. A surprised Bill Clinton asked “You can hug your own wife?”

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A 30 foot whale was found Wednesday morning on a New York beach. It would of course be inappropriate to make a Chris Christie joke here.

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Alas for Pacers fans, bad weather forced the cancellation of tonight’s game in Indianapolis. Alas for Wizards fans the weather in Washington was fine.

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Anyone but me thinking it was a lot easier and more fun to root against the Los Angeles Lakers before Steve Nash came back?

 

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Wednesday was the first day of the after-Christmas sales. You know what that means – only about a week until the first Valentine’s Day sales.

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Okay, who’d a thunk this? A hot NBA upcoming ticket is the Warriors vs. Clippers.

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Starbucks employees will be writing “come together” on customers’ cups Dec 27-28 as a message for Congress to avoid the fiscal cliff.. Leaving aside the fact that more colorful language might be more appropriate, maybe we should just threaten to cut off their coffee until they come up with a deal.

 

Merry, merry….

December 25, 2012

Wishing everyone a happy and safe Christmas Eve. And beware of low-flying, or should i say, high-flying, reindeer in Colorado and Washington.

 

Have to wonder in  Colorado and Washington,  how many families will wait up to find presents under the tree,  the cookies and milk still on the table, but all their Doritos missing.

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NORAD is in the midst of their traditional Santa tracking. But wonder what happens this year when Instagram tries to sell all the pictures.

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So if Santa didn’t show up with the right toys last night, can parents explain it to their children by telling them that unfortunately Rudolph was guiding his sleigh with Apple maps?

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Some think it’s unfair for the NBA to schedule games on Christmas Day. But on a brighter note it does save the players from the tough decision of spending the day with which mother of their children.

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Just noticed, no joke, that there’s a Justin Bieber perfume. “That’s exactly what I want for Christmas,” said no one over the age of 12.

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A customer who was tired of waiting for his check at a Texas Denny’s set their Christmas tree on fire. Caused a lot of damage, but the roasted tree probably ended up tasting better than most of their menu items.

 

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Some of the conservative media are headlining the fact that Obama landed in Hawaii last night and went out to play golf this morning. Of course, had the President stayed in D.C. to work on the “fiscal cliff” the same folks would accuse him of making Republicans in Congress give up their Christmas for his political gain.

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A cashier accidentally sold a New Hampshire man the wrong lottery ticket, and it turned out to be the one that won a $2.1 million Tri-State Megabucks Plus prize. Wonder how long it will take for some other lottery player to sue?

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Heaven is a messier place tonight. R.I.P Jack Klugman.

 

 

Never on Sunday?

December 24, 2012

At this point, what’s the difference between the NY Jets and the Giants postseason hopes? About another week.

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Ah,  the NFL and television.   Sunday morning CBS and the league gave football fans on the West Coast the Oakland Raiders vs. the Carolina Panthers.    Wasn’t there a more meaningful game on, like the Poulan Weed-Eater bowl or something?

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Idaho GOP Sen. Michael Crapo, a Mormon, was arrested yesterday morning in Alexandria, VA., reportedly with a .11 blood alcohol level. I blame Obama.

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Amongst the heaviest drinkers you may see this Christmas season are those who figured it was it sure bet that Eli Manning would have a better year than his over-the-hill big brother….

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Richard Sherman’s appeal of his positive test for Adderall claims it was a contaminated sample because of a leaky cup, and a 2nd cup with a broken seal placed underneath it. You’d think a Stanford grad would have just come up with a way to get a legal prescription for the stuff.  (And note to readers,  this is not sour grapes, my personal bias is to  root for the Saints, not the 49ers.)

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Tagg Romney told the Boston Globe that his father “wanted to be president less than anyone I’ve met in my life.” Makes sense, Mitt certainly campaigned like it.

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Newsweek issues its last print issue on Monday. Which is shocking to most Americans, who didn’t realize Newsweek was still in business.

 

Weird trivia for the 49ers-Seahawks game. Can anyone remember any other NFL football game started by opposing quarterbacks who were both drafted…for baseball? (True, and to quote Bull Durham’s Annie Savoy, “you could look it up.”)

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The Pope, in his latest Christmas message, spoke against gay marriage and said that gay adoption meant “The child has become an object to which people have a right and which they have a right to obtain.” So does he mean the only non-married people with that right are priests?

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So the NRA’s idea is that trained guards with guns will prevent shootings at school campuses.    Leaving aside the fact that Columbine High School and Virginia Tech campuses DID have armed guards, wonder if the NRA asked the opinion of the parents of kids in 1970 at Kent State.  (Not as horrific or as long a list as Sandy Hook  – but ….Jeffrey Miller, 20, Allison Krause, 19,  William Schroeder, 19.  Sandra Scheuer, 20.)

 

Augie wonders in this gun control debate,  if  we do this armed guard thing, in right-to-work states, do they get the right to shoot without joining the teacher’s  union?


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