Trading places

Posted July 30, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

‪The New York Mets‬‘ Wilmer Flores cried on the field Thursday night thinking he was traded. But social media turned out to be wrong.  Wonder how many  Phillies‬ will cry Friday night realizing they HAVEN’T been traded.

A day after they had their shortstop in tears over a trade that didn’t happen, the Mets blew a 6 run lead and had to sit through four hours of rain delays in losing to the Padres 8-7. Maybe God doesn’t like crying in baseball.

Money money money money….. From the LA Times, with the trade of Hector Olivera, in 2015 alone, “the Dodgers would pay seven players — Olivera, Matt Kemp, Dan Haren, Dee Gordon, Brian Wilson, Brandon League and Ryan Webb — $80 million not to play for them. The Tampa Bay Rays had an opening-day payroll of $76 million”

The LA Dodgers did get Mat Latos. Well, it’s a good fit. He will show up for his first pitching appearance at AT&T Park with a ready made booing section. ‪#‎IhateSF‬ ‪#‎Theyhateyoutoo‬

Waiting for Mat Latos to say about his new team, we “went and changed our whole lineup, put guys with ‘Dodgers’ across their jerseys. Yeah, we did.”

(for those who don’t follow baseball, Latos complained loudly in 2010 that the SF Giants had made too many trades in their pursuit of his Padres. With almost the exact same words above.  And then he went out and lost some very big games to SF.)

Urban Meyer has suspended four players, including star DE Joey Bosa, for Ohio State’s first game against Virginia Tech, due to “violations of athletic department policy,”   Wow. So Meyer figure out a way to wait to suspend them until the Buckeyes’ second game against Hawaii?   The Hokies must not have much of a team this year.

Looks like there may finally be some sad closure for MH 370. Over at CNN they’re trying not to be too gleeful over the possibility of another month at least of “Special Reports.”

Jose Canseco says that to show his support for Caitlyn Jenner he “will be dressing up and living as a woman for a week,” And he will feature his week as a woman on his new internet show “Spend a Day with Jose.”

Canseco is not trying to be Caitlyn Jenner, he’s trying to be a Kardashian. ‪#‎publicitywhore‬

Many people are still stunned by the news that Patriots Tom Brady actually thought it was a good idea to destroy his phone. Of course, Brady didn’t have the option to hand it off to Marshawn Lynch.

A new Presidential election poll says Bernie Sanders would beat Donald Trump. Heck, Jed Bartlett would beat Trump. Come to think of it, what is Martin Sheen doing these days?

Now the U.S. Government is getting involved. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service tweeted today – “We’re investigating the killing of ‪#‎CecilTheLion‬. Will go where facts lead. We ask Dr. Palmer or his rep to contact USFWS immediately.”

As awful as the story is, maybe it will lead to changes. Certainly it’s got to be one of the few times when the Obama administration has at least 80% bipartisan agreement in this country.

 –

Okay, leaving aside the serious larger issues, have to wonder, how were the University of Cincinnati cops dumb enough both to KNOW the shooting of Samuel DuBose was on video tape with an audio, and still to think they’d get away with lying? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Headline competition

Posted July 29, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

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A scumbag hunter illegally kills a beloved lion, the NFL upholds golden boy Tom Brady’s suspension after the QB destroys his cellphone, and now wreckage has been found from a plane that might be MH370.

Donald Trump’s going to have to outdo himself to make headlines today.

No one is saying that deflating a football is like hitting a woman. Even when it’s done by an organization with a history of bending the rules. And the Colts were going to lose if Brady threw actual bricks. But McGovern was going to lose in 1972 too. The cover up is ALWAYS worse than the crime. ‪#‎whenwilltheyeverlearn‬?

Patriots owner, Robert Kraft, complaining that he was “wrong to put his faith in the league.” “I was willing to accept the harshest penalty in the history of the NFL for an alleged ball violation, because I believed it would help exonerate Tom.”

Uh, sir, it is the ONLY penalty in the history of the NFL for an alleged ball violation. ‪#‎whenyoureinaholestopdigging‬

Jerry Jones says that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is doing “an outstanding job.” I’m sure it’s just coincidence that the 4th and last game of Brady’s suspension is scheduled to be against the Dallas Cowboys.

Conventional wisdom aside, the ‪#‎MLBTradeDeadline‬ is much more fun than the ‪#‎NFLDraft‬.

So now that he’s with Toronto ‪#‎BlueJays‬, will the star shortstop be known as Troy Tulowitzk-eh? ‪#‎TuloTrade‬

SF Giants having an online sale which includes a lot of Sandoval World Series 2014 merchandise. Prices on gear might be the only thing connected with the Panda that are shrinking this year. Okay, besides his offensive numbers….

There are now reports that United Airlines was hacked around the same time as Anthem and the U.S. Office of Personnel Management. A United spokesman said that it was ‘pure speculation,” and “we can assure our customers that their personal information is secure. We remain vigilant in protecting against unauthorized access and use top advisors and best practices on cyber-security to maintain our effectiveness.”

The same “best practices” they use for their reservations system? ‪#‎andhesaiditwithastraightface‬

Linda Tripp (google her, youngsters), says she is risking her wonderful family life now to speak out against Hillary Clinton, an ambitious liar who “will stop at nothing to achieve her end.” Tripp said: ‘I regret what I put my children through. I regret very much that they had to endure that level of vitriol but would I do it again? Yes….My civil service career, well over 20 years at that time, meant a sense of loyalty, patriotic duty and honor. I sincerely cared about the integrity of the country’s leadership.’
If anyone in the world could make Hillary Clinton come off as sympathetic, it’s Linda Tripp.

Well, that didn’t take long.. Marco Rubio tweeting today “look at all this outrage over a dead lion, but where is all the outrage over the planned parenthood dead babies.”

Well, while we’re at it where’s Rubio’s outrage over…mass shooting victims, soldiers killed in unnecessary wars, people who die without healthcare…. For starters.

From Marc Ragovin “The Yankees beat the Rangers 21-5 the other day, making it the first time in MLB history that the ump asked a manager whether he wanted to hit or stick. “.

On  a serious note, thinking all citizens and most police officers should be very grateful to whoever first came up with the idea of police video body cams.

Tommy don’t lose that number?

Posted July 28, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , , , ,

So why would an intelligent man destroy a cell phone when it absolutely would make him look guilty? If the messages destroyed would make him look worse. ‪#‎TomBrady‬

But really, don’t we all want to destroy our phones when we get a new one?  Because it’s so much fun re entering all those apps, contact information, bookmarks…

The “Bachelorette” is finally over. But after weeks of guilty fun watching a couple dozen crazy contestants whittled down to a winner, for a relationship not even based in reality, well, Americans still have the GOP primary.

Donald Trump is now saying he’d “love” to have Sarah Palin have some sort of position in his administration. That’s bold. Trump isn’t afraid Palin would take a shot at that furry thing that lives on his head?”

LaTroy Hawkins, 42, has been sent to Toronto along with Troy Tulowitzki. Bit of a waste. Hawkins gets to Canada and universal healthcare just before he becomes eligible for Medicare.

So Drew Storen has a 1.73 ERA and 29 saves out of 31 chances. And the Washington Nationals decide to bolster their playoff chances by adding… a temperamental closer (Papelbon). Same brilliant logic that had the team shut down Strasburg a few years back.

The Mets’ Jenrry Mejia, is now suspended 162 games for his 2nd failed PED test. Once you might think you’re invulnerable. The second time? Proves again that MLB drug testing is also an IQ test. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Boston claimed Jean Machi off waivers Tuesday. Are the Red Sox trying to bolster their struggling bullpen? Or just to pick up a former Giant with experience reducing the amount of food available to Pablo Sandoval at the training table?

So the hunter who illegally shot Cecil, Zimbabwe’s most famous, and protected. lion, is an American dentist who was put on probation in 2008 for lying about the location where he shot and killed a bear, and who regularly travels the world to shoot big cats, elk, bears, rhinos etc, with a bow and arrow instead of a gun. Why stop there? A real man would face one of these animals with no weapons at all.

Good. The AP reports “According to Zimbabwe police spokeswoman Charity Charamba, (Minnesota dentist) Walter Palmer will face charges of poaching. It is alleged that Palmer worked with the guides to lure Cecil from the national park to an unprotected area by strapping a “dead animal to their vehicle.” ‪#‎justiceforCecil‬

Pahk the bid?

Posted July 27, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

As the USOC deals with the fallout from losing Boston as the U.S. hope to host the 2024 games, have to ask – “who the heck thought it was a good idea to award the bid to a city with LESS public support and more organized opposition than San Francisco?” ‪#‎nottomentionthatwonderfulBostonsummerweather‬

The Houston Astros have made Taylor Swift’s move her tour date at Minute Maid Park from Oct. 13 to Sept. 9 because the team may be headed to the playoffs. Wonder how long it will take for Swift to write a bitter song about the brush-off.

Got to wonder based on preseason polls whether ballparks in Boston and San Diego are now wishing they HAD scheduled Taylor Swift concerts in October.

Last year Joe Biden compared New York’s  La Guardia Airport to a “Third World Country.”   Monday the VP just unveiled a plan to rebuild La Guardia into a “modern, unifed hub.”  Frequent travelers are wondering… is dynamite involved?

Scientists are predicting a serious El Nino year in California, with potential flooding but still not an end to the drought. So you still can’t probably take a long shower, but you might be able to take a mud bath in your backyard.

Cleveland Browns coach Mike Pettine says that Johnny Manziel will start training camp as the team’s backup QB but he could still win the starting job. Let’s hope Manziel doesn’t hear that and take off to a bar to celebrate.

SF Chronicle has a story headlined “Marissa Mayer’s radical options to save Yahoo.” Here’s a simple radical one: Fix the damn email.

Okay, I understand that Ray Rice did a very bad thing, on video. But Greg Hardy is playing, Adrian Peterson will be playing. Rice at least appears to be contrite and is doing good anti-violence work with his wife. Is the reason Rice isn’t being signed less his bad behavior than the former Ravens’ RB having lost a step or two?

Gone guy?

Posted July 26, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Donald Trump says his immigration strategy will be to deport “the bad dudes.” So does the Donald have his own bags packed yet?

President Obama at a dinner in Kenya “II suspect that some of my critics back home are suspecting that I’m back here to look for my birth certificate.”

Of course not. they think Barack had the birth certificate burned a long time ago.

Zack Greinke’s scoreless streak is over at 45 2/3 innings. Jacob deGrom got the RBI on a fielder’s choice. Of course, it had to be a pitcher. And Madison Bumgarner is thinking “I would have taken Greinke deep.”

A woman who won a $188 million lottery jackpot this year in North Carolina was busted this week for marijuana. You’d think with that much money she could afford to move to Colorado.

Rick Perry thinks “appropriately trained” Americans should be able to bring guns inside movie theaters and churches to defend themselves. I’m sure that’s comforting to the family of the man who was killed last year in a Florida theater by the retired policeman who was upset by his texting.

The NFL is going to start more serious oversight of football inflation this year, with random halftime and postgame rechecks. Really? They think after actually being caught cheating that the Patriots would ever dare skirt the rules again… Oops, never mind.

How quickly things change. Was it only a couple months ago that Ted Cruz was the craziest GOP candidate for President?

Sad end to the Bobbi Kristina story today. Although the more you hear about her short life the harder it is to imagine the story ever having a happy ending.

How quickly things change. Was it only a couple months ago that Ted Cruz was the craziest GOP candidate for President?

Mike Huckabee, criticizing Obama’s foreign policy “It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven.” So clearly the race is on to out-Trump Trump.

From BIll Littlejohn,  “The Dodgers'; starting pitching beyond Kershaw and Greinke is very suspect. So it’s not ‘Spahn and Sain and pray for rain,’ it’s ‘Clay and Zack, then have a heart attack.

Old and new school?

Posted July 25, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

We can’t agree about much in this country. But after Saturday’s 2-1 SF Giants win where Madison Bumgarner hit a home run…. maybe we can at least talk about the DH?-

Eli Manning has now replaced Rob Lowe in the DirecTV ad campaign. And NY Giants fans are thinking “Wait a minute, haven’t we already seen more than we wanted of “Good  Eli Manning/Bad Eli Manning?”

The LA Dodgers have apparently told Yasiel Puig that he will not be traded. Maybe because at this point no other team wants the headaches?

No serious injuries fortunately at a major pool bar fire Saturday night in Las Vegas at the Cosmopolitan Hotel.  Stand by for ads touting “the hottest bar on the strip..”

Airline math is a strange thing. Qantas is advertising a big Business Class sale for travel to Australia that goes only until July 28, 2015, for travel Nov 1, 2015 to Jan 7, 2016. In the fine print – “14-advance purchase required.” Ya think?

Front page of NY Times has a story about Hillary Clinton having some classified data on her personal email server, and how they should “never been stored outside of secure government computer systems.” And in the next column a story about serious fears from the data hacked in the major breach at the government Office of Personnel Management.

And we don’t think professional athletes have problems. Josh Smith, who just signed with the Clippers for the veterans’ minimum, talking about his finances: “At the end of the day, you know, I do have a family. So it is going to be a little harder on me this year. But I’m going to push through it, you know.”
Smith will make $6.9 million this year. ‪#‎myheartbleeds‬

Just thinking, if the Lafayette killer had tried to go to the Humane Society to adopt a kitten he probably would have been turned down for being too unstable. But he had no problem buying a gun.

Deep doo doo?

Posted July 24, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

In Idaho, a cyclist stopped to defecate in a ravine and decided it would be a good idea to light his toilet paper on fire afterwards rather than littering with it. And he accidentally started a 73 acre wildfire. Talk about a dumb shit.

SF Giants have had a good week. As long time fans are thinking – hey, if the pitching can just show up and be mediocre the hitters will carry them into the post season….. WTF? Who is this team?

Mets pitcher Jonathon Niese pitched 3 innings tonight against the Dodgers, gave up six runs, then watched his son born on  Face Time before flying home to Ohio.  NY lost 7-2.  Nice effort, but the way the Mets are hitting, Niese would have had to pitch a shutout just to get them into extra innings.

The Obama Administration has apparently opened an investigation into whether American, JetBlue, Delta and Southwest engaged in price-gouging on flights in the Northeast after the major Amtrak crash this spring in Philadelphia.

“I can’t believe airlines would do anything that nasty” said nobody who’s flown in the last decade.

At this point beginning to feel like Trump is competing less with other Presidential candidates than he is competing with the Kardashians.

Dennis Rodman just endorsed Donald Trump for President. No joke. Hmm… Maybe Rodman is from the same planet as that furry thing that lives on Trump’s head?

Tampa Bay CB C.J. Wilson, who lost two fingers in a July 4th fireworks accident, is temporarily at least retiring, and said through an agent that even though C.J.s’ “career has been put in jeopardy as a result of the accident, he’s taking steps to ensure his long-term health is a priority.” Uh, starting with not playing with fireworks?

The New Orleans Saints are releasing LB Junior Galette, 27, the team’s top pass rusher, over character issues including two possible domestic violence incidents.  Over-under on how long before some team decides that the “young man deserves a second chance.”i

WWE has cut ties with Hulk Hogan. Ostensibly over his being a racist, but probably as much for being stupid enough to make those comments on tape.


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