Turkey time

Posted November 26, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: holiday jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , ,


The travel advisory says to avoid crowds. What fun is that?




So tomorrow is Black Friday.  When Americans who spent the day fighting with their relatives can use those newly honed skills to fight with their fellow shoppers over half-priced sweaters.

Police issued a court summons to a Russian man who with his son flew a drone over the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade today, and the man is complaining ‘They thought I was a terrorist.”
Uh, considering the current climate, hope the summons includes a charge for criminal stupidity.

So Johnny Manziel has now been demoted to third string after he not only was seen partying in a video, but lied to his coaches about when the video was shot. Manziel is doing for the reputed intelligence of quarterbacks what Ben Carson is doing for neurosurgeons.

Washington has announced that CB Chris Culliver tore his ACL and will be out for the season, their 6th starter out for the year. Bummer. Makes it increasingly unlikely that the 4-6 Redskins will be the NFC East team that gets blown out in the first round of the playoffs.


So in honor of the day and their play today, should we temporarily rename them the Philadelphia Turkeys. ‪#‎Eagles‬ ‪#‎Lions‬

No NBA games on Thanksgiving. The league did, however, give Americans a holiday turkey early with the 76ers game.

There are rumors of Chip Kelly returning to college football. And he’s doing a great job of showing he can coach a CFB playoff level team.

76ers rookie Jahlil Okafor apparently knocked a guy out in a street fight in Boston last night. Of course Okafor should know better. But hey, it might be the only win he can remember this year.

A Portland hospital is apparently the first to offer nitrous oxide,aka laughing gas, as a pain medication during labor. Have to wonder, if they started doing this sooner, how much higher might the local birth rate be?

Happy Thanksgiving , or belated Thanksgiving, to all my readers.  You are the reason I do this and I am very grateful.  Seriously.  Now back to snark.

Sign of the times?

Posted November 25, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized


At Katz’s delicatessen on the Lower East Side in Manhattan.  And yep. they got it in one sentence.

Kobe Bryant, after last night’s blowout loss to the Warriors. “My shooting will be better. I could’ve scored 80 tonight. It wouldn’t have made a damn difference. We just have bigger problems.” Uh, if Kobe thinks he could have scored 80, add a possible concussion for him to the Lakers list of problems.



The NCAA has ruled Kansas freshman Cheick Diallo, who arrived in the US in 2012 from Mali, will be eligible to play after a long review of his high school coursework. And at Kentucky they’re going “coursework?”

Some are now questioning whether Johnny Manziel will ever quarterback in the NFL again. Not just because of his off-field antics, but because he forget the Namath rule – you only get to party that hard when you WIN.

Red Lobster says they will increase the size of shrimp in some of their dishes. Shocking. Red Lobster uses real shrimp?


The NBA Philadelphia 76ers tonight fell to 0-16. How much longer does the streak have to continue until the 76ers receive at least an invitation to the NIT tournament?

Dancing With the Stars ‪#‎DWTS‬ crowned a new champion last night. So now America is left with the 2016 Presidential Campaign, aka- Dancing with the Truth.

The Minnesota Democratic-Farmer-Labor (DFL) Party proposed a legislative special session on joblessness and poverty in the black community. And a GOP manager tweeted out “MN ‪#‎DFL‬ now propose a ‘special session’ to deal with their self-created ‘‪#‎negroproblem‬.”
The head of the Republican party in the state has apologized. And the tweeter has ended up creating one job, his own. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬




Posted November 24, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

So the Golden State Warriors broke the NBA record by starting 16-0, with a game against the Lakers. Of course to be fair the Warriors should have been faced with a more difficult chance -like shooting fish in a barrel.

The Golden State Warrior are now 16-0, setting a new NBA record for the start of the season. Although, really, they beat the LA Lakers. Isn’t that kind of winning the College Football Playoff against an FCS team?

How long until ‪#‎DubNation‬ fans start rooting for the Warriors to lose if only to make sure ‪#‎SteveKerr‬ when healthy gets his job back?

Really?  Carolina  DE  Frank Alexander was suspended for at least a year without pay for violating the NFL’s  “Policy and Program for Substances of Abuse.   Had the Panthers’ player not smoked pot and dealt with stress by hitting his girlfriend, he’d be back by the postseason.
ESPN reports that Marshawn Lynch apparently needs “a couple weeks to see how he does” and “to see if he can recover” from his abdomen injury, Either that or the Seattle Seahawks need to play another game against the 49ers.
Lots of media hype about how if Notre Dame beats Stanford they will get into the college football playoff. Could be a first this weekend, SEC teams rooting for the Cardinal.
Johnny Manziel has apparently lost his starting QB job in Cleveland after photos surfaced of his drinking and partying last weekend. So congratulations to all those who had November 24 in the pool.
Great, ‪#‎WWIII‬ is now trending on Twitter. Don’t suppose we could call on the Belgians again to bail us out with cat pictures.

Donald Trump got called out on his “crime statistic” tweet – “this bothered me, I gotta tell you. You tweeted out that whites killed by blacks — these were statistics you picked up from somewhere — at a rate of 81 %. And that’s totally wrong,” by BILL O’REILLY.

Yeah, another attack on the Donald by the liberal media.

The family of the boy who was arrested for bringing a homemade clock to school in Texas are now suing for $15 million. Yep, they’re 100% American all right – ‪#‎callinginthelawyers‬

Russia and Turkey have changed their FB status to “very complicated.”

Geography and other challenges.

Posted November 23, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: travel jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , ,

Ben Carson now says of his comment that New Jersey Arabs were celebrating 9-11, that he “was thinking of the Middle East, not New Jersey.”
Well, yeah, anyone could make that mistake. ‪#‎notreadyforprimetime‬

New worldwide travel alert from the U.S State Dept. “U.S. citizens should exercise vigilance when in public places or using transportation. Be aware of immediate surroundings and avoid large crowds or crowed (sic) places.”
What about ravened places? ‪#‎Nevermore‬

To be fair, I suppose it does make sense to issue a warning when we know there are dangerous and crazy people seeking power in a country. So who will be the first to issue an alert for the U.S. based on the GOP debates?

The Nationals have caused a Twitter uproar by tweeting “Happy Birthday” to Jonathan Papelbon. Who right about now might be the only person in Washington, D.C. less popular than Congress.

LSU may fire Les Miles after three consecutive losses have the Tigers 7-3, even though it will mean a multi-million dollar boyout. (Miles currently makes $4.4 million a year.) But it’s okay, I am sure they can make up the money with cutbacks in academics. ‪#‎priorities‬


Maybe Trent Baalke and Jed York might be interested in hiring Les Miles as a future 49ers coach. After dealing with SEC alums Miles is used to dealing with unrealistic expectations, and after dealing with LSU players, he’s familiar with semi-pro talent.

Reportedly Robinson Cano wants to be traded because he is unhappy in Seattle after signing a $240 million contract in 2014, “I feel so sorry for him” said NOBODY.

A USF professor says that those odd FB requests from random people all over the world might be potential internet hackers or identity thieves. Bummer, there goes my chance to be invited to a Nigerian royal wedding.

Oops.American Airlines accidentally let a planeload of people arriving from Cancun exit JFK Airport without having their passports checked and going through customs. Providing again that sometimes terrorists are no match for good old-fashioned stupidity.

Washington DE Jason Hatcher thinks calls might be going against his team because of their “Redskins” nickname. Really? But, I can understand why Hatcher’s upset – had a few calls gone the other way Sunday Washington might have only lost by 2-3 touchdowns.

Now that the Packers solidly beat the Minnesota Vikings, maybe Green Bay fans will stop blaming Olivia Munn. Now they can just be mad at Aaron Rodgers for having all that talent, money AND an actress girlfriend.


Mike Tiroco after ‪#‎MNF‬ about the Patriots “that’s why they’re World Champions.” Uh, “World Champions”? Unlike the NBA, NHL and MLB, the NFL doesn’t even have a team in Canada.

Business as usual

Posted November 22, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , ,

Statisticians everywhere would like to thank the Washington Redskins today for so beautifully illustrating for the lay person the concept of “regression to the mean.”

Rob Ryan, on NFL Network, discussing his firing by the Saints: “Everything in New Orleans is being blamed on me, including Katrina,” Who knew it was possible to make brother Rex look like the classy one?


In the midst of a year with plenty of controversy over officiating, Roger Goodell says that the NFL is considering mixing and matching crews on a weekly basis to reduce inconsistencies. Well, it’s a shame the league doesn’t make enough money to hire full time officials.

In Madison, Badgers fans were reportedly throwing snowballs at the team’s cheerleaders during their game against Northwestern. Can only imagine what fans were throwing at the refs, after two potential last-minute game-winning Wisconsin TD’s were overturned.


NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, making a distinction between DFS  (like Draft Kings) and year long fantasy football – “We love people who are going to engage in the game and have fun with it. It’s not about making money. It’s about enjoying the game and enjoying the team, enjoying the players you pick.”
Wow, and Goodell said this with a straight face.

Cal’s Jared Goff is projected as probably the first QB who will be taken in this year’s NFL draft. And as far as getting that top pick – the 49ers, Raiders and Chargers are doing their best to ensure Goff will probably stay in California.


Marco Rubio has released his first nationwide campaign ad, in which he says – “What happened in Paris could happen here. There is no middle ground.” Sigh. I guess we can kiss “shining city on the hill” and “kindler gentler nation” goodbye.

Three flights in the US and Canada this week were diverted over suspicious behavior and bomb threats. Waiting to see which airline is the first to turn this heightened security into a new fee.



Anyone but me still a bit getting used to seeing the Cincinnati Bengals leading their division in anything but arrests?


Donald Trump retweeted a graphic showing crime statistics on killings of whites and blacks that was simply flat out wrong, for example, it said 81% of whiles are killed by blacks, when the FBI numbers are 15%, and that blacks killed by whites were 2%, when the numbers are 7%. But really, why should the Donald start caring about facts now?


Rush Limbaugh said on “Fox News Sunday” that Ben Carson was “probably not” qualified to be president. “Probably?”


On United.com,  United Airlines has a “Thanksgiving Week” travel notice – “Please allow extra time at the airport.” Really? What was their first clue?

T.C. Chong, with a bus-to-hell Thanksgiving week thought,  “Why are there no important shopping days named “Yellow Friday” or “Indian Friday” or “Caucasian Friday”?


On a lighter note, how can you not love the Belgians?   http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/nov/22/national-emergency-belgians-respond-with-cats

Midnight show

Posted November 22, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Stanford is undefeated in these late night games that finish in the wee hours on the east. Time to change the school song to “After midnight?”

Arizona’s Carson Palmer has been fined $11,576 by the NFL for what he said was a pelvic thrust just to entertain friends in the stands. On a brighter note, Palmer’s just been named the honorary QB of Rocky Horror Picture Show. ‪#‎letsdothetimewarpagain‬

Early days, but ‪#‎Stanford‬ may lose out on a playoff berth because of fumbled snaps, and ‪#‎Michigan‬ may lose out because of a fumbled punt. I thought baseball was supposed to be the funny game? ‪#‎Thatsfootball‬

The Michigan Wolverines were 5-7 last year, so far they are 9-2, even with that disastrous game ending punt against MSU. The SF 49ers were 8-8 last year….. ‪#‎MaybeHarbaughcancoachalittlebit‬

Colin ‪#‎Kaepernick‬ apparently will have shoulder surgery and his year will be over. Making him luckier than ‪#‎49ers‬ season ticket holders.


Good for the Citadel in beating South Carolina, and for FAU almost to beat Florida. The only bad news for both schools, they may not get many futures next year to be a high-priced SEC cupcake.

I just love watching ‪#‎UrbanMeyer‬ lose. That is all. ‪#‎MSUvsOSU‬

Some Americans are now apparently fearful of going to Europe and will stay home this year. Where about 100 of us will die every day on the nation’s highways.


Adele apparently has a good marriage and a healthy 2 year old son. So,anyone who bet she’d do happy songs once she got her life together – pay up.

In New Jersey, a woman leaving a bar drunk spotted a nearby police car, and made a fake 911 call to divert them so she wouldn’t get a DUI. It worked, until she got home and posted about it “lmao.. 2 mins later the cop peals out..silly piggies tricks r for u”
Now that’s snatching a ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬, and an arrest, out of the jaws of victory.

Alaska, in the process of legalizing recreational marijuana, is apparently going to allow to people to use pot at stores that sell it – “Dude, is that Russia over there?”

Raise hell.

Posted November 20, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized



Damn, I miss Molly.

Not so many sports jokes tonight. But wonder how many heads would explode on both sides if say, a star Muslim football player made a public statement that he was pro-life, meaning anti-abortion and pro-gun control.

Will Grier, who was the University of Florida’s starting QB, has lost his NCAA PED appeal and will be suspended a full year, until the 7th game of the 2016 season. Unless Grier goes to the NFL, where such offenses mandate a serious four game suspension.

A Massachusetts woman who won $1 million in the lottery in 1996 just won $1 million again. Wouldn’t you think that a $1 million win would give you enough money not to need to play the lottery?

J.R. Smith was accused of choking a 19-year-old man who reportedly heckled the Cavs guard about his trade to Cleveland from the Knicks. And the NBA is thinking “whew, at least it wasn’t a young woman.”

Chris Christie’s United Airlines flight today from SFO to Boston was delayed almost 6 hours to remove a passenger who was turned over to police. Not as some might think, because the airline hadn’t put enough food on board.

Starbucks is trying to get a liquor license in Utah. Makes sense. For all those Mormons who don’t want anyone to see them heading into a real bar.

Jeb Bush says that Donald Trump’s anti-Muslim rants are “just wrong,” and that the Donald is “manipulating people’s angst and their fears. That’s not strength. That’s weakness,’
Forget winning the nomination, is Jeb trying to get himself kicked out of today’s GOP?



Roanoke Mayor David A. Bowers, who praised the internment of Japanese-Americans in WWII, and drew a rebuke from George Takei, today apologized, saying “No one else is to be blamed but me,” adding “I anticipated that the statement might receive some coverage in the Roanoke Valley, but I did not in any way anticipate that it would trend internationally over the Internet.”

Uh, if that last sentence is true, forget the bigotry, Bowers is too STUPID to be mayor.

And then with all that is going on in the world, this email “from” Debbie Wasserman-Schultz -“Janice, we were just getting ready to seal the Vice President’s birthday card and send it over to the White House when I noticed that your name isn’t on there yet.” Uh huh, I am sure Joe Biden will be heartbroken….. ‪#‎SMH‬

The CDC said today the E. coli outbreak affecting Chipotle Mexican Grill  has now spread to California, Minnesota, New York, Ohio. Time for some GOP candidate to talk about shutting down the Cabinet Department of Health and Human Services?

Statement of the day -“”While recognizing that security concerns must be fully addressed, we should not turn our backs on the thousands of legitimate refugees..” The statement is from the National Holocaust Memorial Museum.

A friend posted the names of California Democrats in Congress who joined the GOP in voting for that rushed bill against Syrian Refugees, even though the U.S. already had a year-long vetting process in place: Pete Aguilar , Ami Bera, Julia Brownley, Jim Costi, John Garamendi, Janice Hahn, Scott Peters, Raul Ruiz.
Well, i just reduced my future emails a bit, as I unsubscribed from the four who had me on their list. ‪#‎cowards‬


Mark Zuckerberg says he will take two months of paternity leave after his daughter is born. And Facebook does allow four months of leave for new parents. Although, unlike other FB employees, Zuckerberg doesn’t have to worry about losing his position or status during his leave.

Off-duty police subdued a masked man without injuries after he entered Apple’s flagship store in Manhattan brandishing and swinging a Samurai sword. So which GOP candidate will be the first to call for profiling Japanese?


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