Dressed?

Posted February 28, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

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Note to men, it doesn’t matter what color you say the dress is, as long as you don’t say it makes her look fat.

“He’s dead, Jim” End of an era. Leonard Nimoy has passed away at the age of 83. He prospered but seems like he did not live long enough..

 

 

 

 

With all that is going on in the world, this week Americans seem most focused on a dress and runaway llamas?! . Now we know what REALLY killed Leonard Nimoy. ‪#‎beammeupScottytheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet‬

 

 

Most upset person in the US over ‪#‎theDress‬” has to be Kim Kardashian. Americans are actually ignoring her pictures in favor of a body that is fully clothed? ‪#‎thenerve‬

 

#‎whythereisnosatire‬. Gov. Scott Walker said this week that his experience taking on thousands of protestors in Wisconsin has helped prepare him to take on international terrorists. ‪#‎facepalm‬

Illinois GOP Rep. Aaron Schock has personally repaid $40,000 this month, after he was accused of spending taxpayer money to decorate his congressional office in the style of the TV show “Downton Abbey.” “Downton Abbey?” Really? How shocking! A Republican watches PBS?

Marco Rubio today at CPAC said “Hillary Clinton” is “Yesterday.” So if it’s Clinton-Bush in 2016 can we count on Rubio for a rousing chorus of “Yesterday Once More?”

 

The NBA says that on Monday and throughout the playoffs, the league will now publicly release internal reports on all calls and relevant no-calls in the final minutes of close games. Not that they will change such calls after the fact. Maybe they can start by retroactively apologizing to the 2002 Sacramento Kings.

So there are rumors that the NFL is sitting on a video regarding a 2011 incident where Dez Bryant’s girlfriend was apparently dragged around a Wal-Mart parking lot by an unidentified black man. (She and Bryant have denied the two were in an argument.) But hey, it’s all good. If it’s the NFL I am sure no one’s actually looked at the tape.

 

The House voted down a stopgap funding measure for the Department of Homeland Security today., resulting in this comment “There are terrorist attacks all over world and we’re talking about closing down Homeland Security. This is like living in world of crazy people.” And this is not Nancy Pelosi. It’s GOP Rep. Peter King.

Meanwhile,  though the bill finally passed, So when can we expect ‪#‎RudyGiuliani‬ to start screaming about GOP House members who voted down ‪#‎HomelandSecurity‬ $$$ not loving America.

The price of buying a clue clearly has gone up….

Posted February 27, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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Oops. Someone at JetBlue Airways decided it was a good idea to tweet out “Oh, the Bluemanity” to their almost 2 million followers. (“Oh, the humanity!” was the radio announcer’s cry when the Hindenberg crashed and killed 36 people.). The tweet has been removed.

To paraphrase, those who cannot remember the past are condemned to make fools of themselves on social media? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

A California judge ruled that Lindsay Lohan’s self-selected “community service” in London doesn’t count, and she still has over 100 hours to complete if she doesn’t want to go to jail. PEOPLE magazine reported Lohan was trying to include things like having young people “shadow” her and hang out while she was performing in a play. Can’t imagine how celebrities get the reputation for being out of touch..

KNBR radio reports that ESPN has their “Sunday Night Baseball” schedule out. Through July 19, the Red Sox and Yankees are on 7 times. The World Champion SF Giants zero. Ditto the Dodgers. The only team west of the Mississippi on at all are the Angels, twice. And they wonder why baseball doesn’t have a national audience.

In Tennessee, two high school girls basketball coaches were suspended for this season and next year. This after a game where both teams tried to lose to get a better tournament position. Amongst numerous violations were deliberate attempts at turnovers and one attempted own-goal. Wouldn’t it have been easier for one coach just to tell his girls to play like the Knicks?

Headline “MLBer shagging flies steps on sprinkler, tears knee cartilage.” Turns out of be bad news for the Blue Jays’ Michael Saunders. But most Giants fans seeing that story were sure it was Jeremy Affeldt.

Donald Trump said yesterday that he is “more serious” than ever about running for President in 2016. And Jon Stewart is thinking “well, maybe I can delay that retirement just a bit….”

 

Anyone but me beginning to wonder how Aaron Hernandez, 25, managed to stay out of prison for as long as he did? ‪#‎thanksurbanmeyer‬

 

A new British study has found that adults who sleep more than 8 hours a day have a significantly higher risk of strokes. Which is finally some really good health news for working mothers.

NJ Gov. Chris Christie, speaking to conservative group CPAC, “Sometimes people need to be told to sit down and shut up.” Yep, including at times, Chris Christie.

Regarding Chris Christie’s comment that “Sometimes people need to be told to sit down and shut up.” If the NJ Governor REALLY wants a boost to his Presidential prospects can he direct that statement to Kanye West?

From T.C. “At the NFL combine, Jameis Winston ran the 40 in 4.97 sec. Rumor has it he improved his time to 4.55 when a scout handed him a bag of crab legs.”

Dude, where’s my congress?

Posted February 26, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes

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Marijuana, in small quantities, became legal tonight in Washington, D.C. But some Republicans are upset. Rep. Jason Chaffetz, a Tea Partier from Utah wrote in a letter to the mayor. “If you decide to move forward … you will be doing so in knowing and willful violation of the law.” Whatever happened to the mantra of “Government out of our lives”?

David Ortiz is not happy about the new pace rules saying a hitter has to keep one foot in the box “I call that bulls—” And Ortiz also indicated he needs the time to strategize so he’ll just pay the fines. Well, maybe Big Papi can call Marshawn Lynch for advice about setting up one of those automatic payment plans.

The way his trial is going, looks like only thing that could get ‪#‎AaronHernandez‬ an acquittal is a change of venue to Los Angeles.

 

Lebron James is complaining that colleges are already offering his young son basketball scholarships “It’s pretty crazy. It should be a violation. You shouldn’t be recruiting 10-year-old kids.” And Les Miles is thinking, yeah, if we thought he might play football we should have started at least 8 years earlier.

The Chicago Cubs announced that they now have a new mental skills program, run by sports psychologist Dr. Ken Ravizza. Will Dr. Ravizza also be setting up depression clinics for Cubs fans?

Carly Fiorina, trashing Hillary Clinton’s touting of all the hundreds of thousands of miles she travelled as Secetary of State: “But unlike Hillary Clinton, I know that flying is an activity, not an accomplishment.” Spoken like someone who has her choice of private planes.

The Ohio news anchor who used a racial slur to describe Lady Gaga’s music, saying afterwards she didn’t even know the slur was a word, is off the air for three days. Presume when she returns it will be with a dictionary?

Federal prosecutors have decided there is insufficient evidence to prosecute George Zimmerman for a hate crime against Trayvon Martin. Or maybe they figured they could save the expense of a trial since this guy seems well on his way to a Darwin award.

Jason Jones has announced he will follow Jon Stewart in leaving “The Daily Show.” Wonder why the mass exodus. Maybe all these comics are beginning to think, that as crazy as the world is becoming, there really IS no satire.

The state of Texas is warning college kids on spring break to avoid Mexico because of the danger of drug cartel violence. Right, go somewhere like Florida with all-American gun violence.

A New York councilman will introduce a bill tomorrow to require the NYPD to become completely digital, and get rid of their typewriters. Responded most millennials “What are typewriters?”

Mark Beckner, the former Boulder, CO police chief who led the 1996 Jon Benet Ramsey murder investigation acknowledged today in a Reddit session that many mistakes were made, for starters, he wished “we would have done a much better job of securing and controlling the crime scene on day one” and the “DA involvement in this case was inappropriate.”
Anyone who followed the case wonders, in his next interview, will Beckner give his opinion that water is wet?

 

 

A lawyer for the Southern California trucker who abandoned his vehicle on the tracks before a Metrolink train crashed into it said the trucker was “running for his life” and not abandoning the scene of an accident. Police found the guy 45 min later, 1.5 miles away……  Was he afraid the train was going to push him into a lifeboat?

 

From Bill Littlejohn.  “Joba Chamberlain’s new contract includes a Cy Young bonus.Isn’t that like Vin Diesel’s  new contract including an Oscar bonus?”

The more things change….

Posted February 25, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

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The Cleveland Browns have announced a new tweaked helmet with a brighter orange color, and will unveil a new uniform this spring. Unfortunately for Browns fans, the uniforms will still have the same players in them.

Hank Aaron says he is rooting for A-Rod to have a “great year.” Well, getting paid $22 million for sitting in the dugout sounds like a pretty great year to most people.

The “Dancing with the Stars” list for this season is out. Increasingly watching the show is like watching actual stars in the sky. Most of us can’t name any of them either..

Idaho State Rep. Vito Barbieri asked in a committee hearing if, before an abortion, women could swallow a small camera so that doctors could conduct a gynecological exam remotely. So all doctors should now know never to prescribe Barbieri a suppository. Because this man couldn’t find where to put it with two hands and a hunting dog.

David Ortiz, on his first day of Spring Training “Thank God my belly hasn’t grown like Panda.” Is it too soon to start the “Inflategate” jokes?

Nebraska men’s basketball coach Tim Miles got so upset about his team’s performance that he locked the players out of their own locker room. Hmm, in drought-stricken California this could be a great way to save on water for the Lakers.

 

Baltimore GM Ozzie Newsome said the Ray Rice scandal will affect this year’s draft: “Someone who has domestic abuse in their background, it’s going to be tough for them to be considered a Raven.” Okay, so before the elevator video someone with domestic abuse in their background would have been an easy choice for the Ravens?

Outside the White House today, Bobby Jindal declared that President Obama was “unfit to be commander in chief.” Curiously enough, the last poll taken in Louisiana showed Jindal with a 34% approval rating, basically saying residents think HE’s unfit to be Governor.

More Jindal. He gave his little “Obama is unfit to be commander in chief” speech today in Washington, D.C. outside, in 20 degree weather, wearing only a suit. Uh, whatever you say about our President, he’s smart to know when to put a coat on.

Deep breaths everyone. Headline in Britain’s Daily Mail “Terror fears over sophisticated mystery tunnel found yards from Toronto stadium that hosts Canada’s biggest sporting events.” And the tunnel is elaborate. But amongst things found inside…. a rosary.

 

“Islam is a vibrant faith. Millions of our fellow citizens are Muslim. We respect the faith. We honor its traditions. Our enemy does not. Our enemy doesn’t follow the great traditions of Islam. They’ve hijacked a great religion.” George W. Bush, October, 2002. ‪#‎nocomment‬

 

The name game?

Posted February 24, 2015 by left coast sports babe
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The Atlanta Braves’ B.J. Upton now wants to be known as Melvin Upton, Jr. Talk about a player to be named later.

Yep, cigarettes can kill you. But usually not this quickly. A man driving along the Columbia River in Oregon stopped to smoke and take a selfie while a train passed. He didn’t see another train coming from the other direction. ‪#‎Darwinawardoftheweek‬

It’s really a shame we don’t have Joan Rivers around to dish on how tacky it was to exclude her from the “In Memoriam” Oscars segment.

Okay, so maybe you shouldn’t bring your mom as your Oscar date when you’ve just starred in a soft-core porn flick. But just imagine how awkward the interview might have been if instead of bringing Melanie Griffith, Dakota Johnson had brought her father….

The Oscar ratings fell to a four-year low last night. Not sure what the Academy could do about the trend. Maybe something heretical like nominate more movies people have actually seen?

So we’re looking at a Homeland Security Department shutdown because the GOP is trying to tie a funding bill to a rollback of Obama’s executive actions on immigration. So where’s Giuliani’s rant on ‘loving your country” now?

Kristi Capel,, a Fox news anchor in Ohio referred to Lady Gaga’s performance as “jigaboo” music, and then in her apology said “I had no idea it was a word or what it meant. ” Uh, Kristi, here’s a hint, if you don’t know what a word means, don’t use it.

 

New MLB commissioner Rob Manfred has said a return to a 154 game schedule is “not impossible.” And ESPN responded “As long as it doesn’t cut down on Yankees-Red Sox games.”

 

KC ‪#‎Royals‬ manager Ned Yost: “I think without Madison we would be champions.” ‪#‎ThatswhytheycallittheMVPaward‬

Phil Jackson actually called out his Knicks team on Twitter last night. What’s more surprising. That the Knicks are this bad, or that Jackson knows how to use Twitter?

 

Louisville dismissed men’s basketball starting guard Chris Jones after campus police released a report that says he texted a woman who had “messed up his room” that he would “smack TF out of” her.” So maybe Jones is violent, maybe he isn’t. But if nothing else the man should be dismissed for being stupid enough to put a threat in a text.

Lies and omissions.

Posted February 23, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

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Many of my generation asked “Who’s Lady Gaga?” Many of her generation asked “What’s ‘The Sound of Music.;”? And both generations tonight were probably pleasantly surprised.

And the ‪#‎Oscar‬ for best use of tape goes, again, to Jennifer Lopez.

So there have apparently been major protests outside the Oscars over the exclusion of “Selma.” But hey, the Academy is 92% white, 77% male, and average age 62. ‪#‎whatdidweexpect‬ ‪#‎itsallabouttheclothesanyway‬

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Julianne Moore wins a well-deserved Best Actress for “Still Alice.” And many of her contemporaries are thinking. Well, except for that better performance, if we could remember who she was….

 

So the Academy decides to make up for leaving ‪#‎Selma‬ out of major awards by taking Oscar for “Best Song” away from the heartbreaking “I’m not going to miss you” by Alzheimer’s patient Glen Campbell. ‪#‎fiftyshadesofguilt‬

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Neil Patrick Harris is better than most hosts. But once again recall the great Johnny Carson, who noted that tonight we celebrate movies. By having millions of people watching the Oscars. And a few thousand for some reason tonight still in movie theaters.

So how did Rudy Giuliani not get nominated for his performance as a politician struggling to pretend he is still relevant?

 

For that matter, how about the Knicks being nominated for best performance pretending to be an NBA team?

 

A video purporting to be from an Al-Qaida linked group in Somalia calls for attacks on shopping malls and singles out Minnesota’s Mall of America. I can hear men now “Of course I’m not against shopping with you or having you go shopping alone. I just want you to be safe.”

Most Americans who watch the ‪#‎Daytona500‬ do so for the same reason we watch reality TV. We like watching wrecks.

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Turned on car radio this afternoon  and KNBR has the Daytona 500. NASCAR racing on radio?! ‪#‎andtheysaybaseballisboring

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The cold wave has even spread to the Lone Star state. The Dallas area is expecting 2 inches of sleet in the next two days. Cue the “Hell freezing over jokes.”

As ‪#‎Giuliani‬ keeps doubling down on anti-Obama comments, how long until even Sarah Palin accuses Rudy of being an irrelevant media whore?

Interesting that many of these Republicans who are accusing of President Obama of not loving America because he isn’t 100% uncritical of the country, are also the same ones who rail against the “everybody gets a trophy”, uncritical parents who believe the children they love can do no wrong.

Ronna Romney McDaniel, 41, Mitt Romney’s niece, was chosen as chair of the Michigan GOP. So is this the first step towards Ronna’s running against Chelsea Clinton for President in 2032?

And the winner should have been….

Posted February 22, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Security at this year’s Academy Awards will be tight. Especially since they need half a dozen or so men just to keep Kanye West from rushing the stage.

As we approach the Oscars, the snubs are often as much a source of discussion as the nominees. For example, how did “Frozen” not get nominated this year for “Best Documentary”?

Prince Harry and Emma Watson are dating. Could be some of the best pillow-talk ever: “You’re a wizard, Harry.”

Chris Bosh will be out for the season at least with blood clots in his lungs. His long-term prognosis is good. But what a bummer for Heat fans who were counting on the team’s .434 winning percentage getting them into the Eastern Conference playoffs.

On the bright side for San Jose Sharks fans, at least this year the team isn’t likely to break their hearts in the playoffs.

 

Tickets for this year’s Comic-Con in San Diego this July sold out in less than an hour. On the bright side for hopeful attendees, most of those who bought 2 tickets probably don’t yet have dates.

American Airlines says that due to a “technical glitch” with a conveyor belt they couldn’t load checked baggage on planes for eight hours on Friday. And not only did planes depart without luggage, passengers weren’t notified and found out only after they waited, in many cases over an hour at empty carousels.   So what, the travelers hadn’t paid their “communication” fees?

Fox News has reported that the West Coast dock labor dispute finally is over after 9 months. Without the mentioning the reason – that the President sent Labor Secretary Perez to Oakland with an order to end it. (An agreement was done in 3 days.) So where’s the fury over Obama’s “Imperial Presidency” on this one?

Kris Jenner is apparently claiming someone has extorted her over a nude video hack. Well, at least Kris doesn’t have to pay. Even if the hacker posts the video, no one will watch it.

A florist in Washington is refusing to settle a discrimination case over providing flowers for the gay wedding of a longtime customer, because she says “her ‘relationship with Jesus Christ’ won’t allow it. So presume she also doesn’t do flowers for couples who have had pre-marital or extra-marital sex before THEIR weddings?

Wis. Gov. Scott Walker said today “I’ve never asked him, I don’t know” when asked whether President Barack Obama loves America. Well to be fair, Walker said he didn’t know about evolution either. ‪#‎doublingdownonstupid‬


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